A New Era

As you all have figured out the hags have gone their separate ways. While I still have the utmost love for everyone who has ever called themselves a ‘hag,’ I have decided to start a new world. The zombies breached the gates at Thundersquee and brains were lost.  I hope you will visit Stopthemadness at her new blog www.angryblacklady.com and I hope that if Thundersquee decides to go on you will decide to visit them, as well.

As for me and a few of the other hags… Well, we started a new site. We can’t promise consistent content. We can’t promise our posts will be moving or even thought provoking. What we will promise is that we will post the things that we find interesting and hope that they interest you to. We are a merry band of hags who will share with you our thoughts on various subjects and always hope that you try to brick us if you have a different opinion.  Needless to say, be ye Squeepeople or new brains we promise the zombies will not breach these gates.  Well, we can’t promise no zombies, but we can promise that we have a back-up plan to keep us together should the mindless dead come to devour all we hold dear.

Join our journey into a new world… there’s beer for all!

Thank God for Floating Black Boxes!

Amusing ad

If you need something to cleanse the last image from your mind, I think this will help.

Time Rewind

Trapper Keeper Edition

This edition is all about, The Trapper Keeper. I had a few in my time and now they are back, new and improved. The only things I hated about the Trapper Keeper were that the rings always broke and it didn’t hold very many papers. It promised it would, but much like Carlos Jackson who checked the “yes” box on my boyfriend request and checked Tara what’s her names  “yes” box too, Trapper Keeper LIED! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED! And also like the betrayal of Carlos and Tara, I handled the loss by listening to a lot of Air Supply and Journey.

Now that I think about it, I lost my shit a lot because of those damned things. The ads said they’d trap your papers,but in fact they did the very opposite of trapping–they regurgitated them. But what could I do? Much like leg warmers and Jordache, you sucked if you didn’t have one.

I still have fond memories of all my trapper keepers, though. My favorite was the one with the trippy unicorn scene. I always felt high when I would stare at it too long. I raise my jello pop and beer to you. It’s not an ideal combo, but it’s what I could find in the freezer. Cheers to you, Trapper Keeper. May you continue to screw over little kids by losing their damned homework.

Video after the jump!

Food For Thought

Choose Your Fate Edition

I love hypothetical questions. There’s nothing better than hearing what people would do if they were put in certain situations or given certain opportunities. I find these kind of questions always lead to the most entertaining and enlightening conversations. With that being said, I now ask you:

If you had to spend the rest of your life with Paris Hilton constantly at your side, would you rather set yourself on fire or leap in front of a speeding car?

Zombieland

Time to Nut Up or Shut Up

I love me some zombies, be they in film or fiction. Here is the Red Banner trailer for Woody Harrelson’s new zombie comedy. You know, the one that caused Woody to attack a real person at LaGuardia Airport because he thought the guy was a photographer zombie. It’s is restricted, however it’s mostly NSFW (not safe for work) language, but there is a scene with a zombie stripper running in slow motion with pasties on. So use your own judgment as to where and when you want to view it.

You will need to enter your birthday to view the trailer. If you forgot what it is, just enter July 4, 1776. That worked for me.

Random Drunk Emission

Evil all around us edition

Take note, dear Squeers! Evil lurks among you! I speak not of murdering bastards; I am talking about things that hurt. Have you ever banged your knee on your desk? Have you broken your toe by hitting it on the corner of the wall? These things are not coincidence; inanimate objects are conspiring against us. They lay in wait for the right moment to inflict terrible pain against us. You feel silly when you call the wall an asshole because you just broke your big toe by accidentally running into it, but you need not feel silly. The wall hears you and it laughs because it knows you never suspected its evil plan.   Heed my words: inanimate objects are assholes.  (This isn’t the first time you’ve been warned you about the dangers of asshole inanimate objects.)  Remember this next time you fall down the stairs for no reason.

Brain Busters

Q & A Edition

You all may know that I hate everything, but one thing I definitely do not hate is trivia. Every Tuesday I drag the boyfriend and friends to my local hole in the wall for Quizzo Trivia (It’s nationwide too!) And every week the Bonus rounds make me want to brick the host in the face. So I thought I would share some of my pain with all of you.

The answer to the last Brain Buster is: He stood on a block of ice to hang himself.

Stay, see? Wins! But, we like autoerotic asphyxiation as an answer so, vodkafanta you are 1st runner-up!

Here’s this week’s challenge.

Q. This ballet’s 1913 premiere in Paris caused riots in the audience. Name the ballet and its composer.

The answer will be posted at 5pm Pacific (or something like that, sorry!)

A. Rite of Spring – Igor Stravinsky.

Congrats to Roxydarling and Rev. Random for their correct answers.

bfm, your answer was right on some levels, so congrats to you, too!

Russia Has the Best Cure

If this is true I will never have swine flu

Russia is telling people that are going to Wales for the World Cup qualifier that they need to drink Welsh whisky when they are there. Yes, the Russian government is telling its people to get drunk in Wales. There is a reason behind this whisky drinking; they believe it will prevent them from getting the swine flu. I drink a lot of whisky and it has never prevented me from getting sick. I think Russia just wants its people getting all rowdy over in Wales, maybe Wales stood Russia up on a date or something. At any rate, it looks like Wales is going to be party central come next month. How much would it cost to get to Wales for whisky fest?

Canada, It’s Time to Start Thinking on Your Feet

Really–it’s aboot time

Okay, SERIOUSLY, what is going on with you, Canada? Why do you have a big “Who do these missing feet belong to?” mystery happening up there? Are there really so many people hopping around on one foot that you can’t sort out the ones who’ve misplaced their OTHER foot? And why aren’t those people coming forward and CLAIMING their misplaced feet? Are they too shy or embarrassed, like, “Oh, well, that foot’s probably the one I recently lost, but, well, our Mounties have more important things to worry aboot besides MY stupid missing right foot. It’ll probably come home soon, anyway. I put a bowl of food and a clean sock on the porch.”

I know y’all are polite, but COME ON. There are now FIVE right feet and one left foot that have just turned up–no note or nothing–along your shores, Canada. LOOK ALIVE, MOUNTIES! Get off your damned high horses and GET ON YOUR FEET! You’ve got a job to do, and that job is to FIND OUT WHO THESE MISSING FEET BELONG TO.

ALL BABIES TO THE BURGER KING PARKING LOT!

It’s time to rumble…

Some megalomaniacal manager of a Missouri Burger King decided it was time for infants to respect his authoritah.

When a mother with a barefoot 6-month-old showed up on his watch, he promptly told her to remove her germ spreading crumb snatcher or he was calling the cops. That baby should have stuck her fungus ridden little foot right in his mouth breathing pie hole.

Apparently he was following the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy to the letter. It’s nice enough for a public service policy, right? I only see one tiny loophole. It doesn’t say anything about “no diaper.” HA!

I think all the local babies should unite, put on just a t-shirt and some shoes, and show up there demanding service. I believe we could even go global with this protest. We could call it, “Bare Your Bottoms For Babies’ Rights.”

Maybe Burger King will have to change its policy to “No shirt, no shoes, no diaper, no service.” Unless people beyond toddler stage are willing to don a diaper in support of baby solidarity, it would limit their patrons to babies, seniors and Michelle Duggar.

I really don’t see a down side to this plan.