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Random Drunk Emission

Evil all around us editionevil

Take note, dear Squeers! Evil lurks among you! I speak not of murdering bastards; I am talking about things that hurt. Have you ever banged your knee on your desk? Have you broken your toe by hitting it on the corner of the wall? These things are not coincidence; inanimate objects are conspiring against us. They lay in wait for the right moment to inflict terrible pain against us. You feel silly when you call the wall an asshole because you just broke your big toe by accidentally running into it, but you need not feel silly. The wall hears you and it laughs because it knows you never suspected its evil plan.   Heed my words: inanimate objects are assholes.  (This isn’t the first time you’ve been warned you about the dangers of asshole inanimate objects.)  Remember this next time you fall down the stairs for no reason.


August 7, 2009 Posted by | Random Drunk Emissions | , | 2 Comments

Computers Want to Tear Your Children’s Faces Off

If the dogs don’t get them first

evilIs there anything left that doesn’t want to feast on the facial flesh of our children?  Last night I was working away on a dog-proof suit when an IM containing a link came my way.  Imagine my surprise when I clicked the link and found that computers want to eat babies, too.  I wanted to read the entire article, but my neighbor has small children and I was concerned the danger would leak out of my computer and tear their faces off before I could stop it.  Then I remembered that they have a Miniature Pinscher which means their kids probably don’t have faces anyway, so I kept on reading.

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June 9, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Wistful Lists | , , , , , , | 4 Comments