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Food For Thought

Choose Your Fate Editionparis

I love hypothetical questions. There’s nothing better than hearing what people would do if they were put in certain situations or given certain opportunities. I find these kind of questions always lead to the most entertaining and enlightening conversations. With that being said, I now ask you:

If you had to spend the rest of your life with Paris Hilton constantly at your side, would you rather set yourself on fire or leap in front of a speeding car?

August 7, 2009 Posted by | Food for Thought | , , | 5 Comments

Levi Johnston and Hitler Weigh in on Sarah Palin Resigning

One of them doesn’t take it too well…

sarah-louise-heath-palin-2430Bristol Palin’s baby daddy Levi Johnston is talking about Sarah Palin’s decision to resign as governor of Alaska. Levi and the Palin family have had a not so friendly relationship ever since he and Bristol called off their sham of an engagement. I can’t imagine his statements here will do anything to ease that.

Johnston claims to have overheard Sarah talking about how she would like to cash in on her new found fame with all the offers coming in including a possible reality show and a book.

“She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say ‘forget everything else,'” he said. Adding, “I think the big deal was the book. That was millions of dollars.”

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July 15, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Sarah Palin Resigned

For the Good of the People

ts-soapbox

Sarah Palin has decided to step down as the Governor of Alaska to save the state all the money it is spending on investigating her for ethics violations. She has also stated that she doesn’t want to be a “lame duck” and that “one term was enough”. Please watch this video while I go look for my soap box.

OK, I’m back.

Boy, where to start. As many of you know, I am extremely liberal. On most issues I’m so far to the left that I start to wrap back around. I’m so far left when I stick my head out my door I can see Rush Limbaugh’s house. Right now he is relaxing by his pool, popping drugs by the handful and sporting a Speedo, it’s not a pretty sight. Oh wait, I’m sorry. Rush isn’t popping drugs, he’s taking his “prescription”.

Back to Sarah. Lets talk about “One term being enough”. She was elected in 2006. Took office in January of 2007. She spent around four months running for Vice President. And now has retired with a year and a half to go on her term. Maybe my math is off, but in the two and a half years as Governor of Alaska she was only really there for about two years worth of work. I know some people will say while she was running for V.P. she was still doing her work as Governor and that is kind of true. Let’s be honest, in those months she was running for V.P. all of her attention was focused on winning and getting the hell out of Alaska. How can she claim one term was enough when she BARELY completed HALF of her first term as Governor?

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July 8, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks, The Wrath of Kahn | , , , , , | 10 Comments

Perez Hilton: Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Lose one million twitter followersts-perez-hilton1

The Queen of Media weighed in on Michael Jackson’s heart attack before the general public knew he had died.

“Supposedly, the singer went into cardiac arrest. We are dubious!!

Jacko pulled a similar stunt when he was getting ready for his big HBO special in ’95 when he ‘collapsed’ at rehearsal!

Get your money back, Ticket Holders!!!”

You can read the entire post here.

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July 1, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , | 4 Comments

DOOSH WATCH 2009: Perez Hilton

Canada Perez Hilton PunchedIs “Faggot” the New “Nigga”?

As most of y’all know by now, Perez got cold-cocked by Black Eyed Peas manager, Polo.  Seems as if Perez was running his mouth and talking shit about the Black Eyed Peas on his blog, so there was a big confrontation between Perez and the Peas on Sunday, during which Perez, once again, rotted out what amounts to a “So’s your mom!” counterattack:  “You’re not a fucking artist … you’re a fucking faggot.”

Perez was then all “To the YouTubes!” and posted some sanctimonious cry baby bullshit about how he was assaulted (I can’t be bothered to even post the 13 minute rant; the fine folks at HuffPo comedy have distilled it to a two minute hilarious video which you can view here.)

It’s quite an amazing thing, really–watching this idiot cry and blubber about “how violence is never the answer” after he done called Fergie an “ugly bitch” and called Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot.”  You can’t talk shit and then cry foul when you meet the business end of somebody’s fist.  As the rules clearly state, if you talk shit, YOU MIGHT GET KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.

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June 25, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

I Kissed A Pizza…

And then I had a three way with the pizza and a girl.

ts-katy-perry1I’m going to be honest with you.  I don’t know who the hell this Katy Perry person is.  And I don’t mean that in a flippant “Who do you think you are, young lady!” way but in a serious “Who the hell are you?” way.  I know she sang some song about kissing a girl twenty years after Jill Sobule made it cool.  And I think I remember her starting some shit with Elton John.  Oh never mind, that was Lily Allen.  (To be honest, I don’t know who she is either, but the pair of them better stay the hell off my lawn.)

At any rate, apparently Katy Perry has the hots for food–she posted a picture on Twitter of herself (naked) and a pizza (with cheese) in a bathtub, along with a message: “I have no self-control.”

ts-katy-perry-pizza


According to the Daily Mail, when asked about her tweet, Katy Perry spewed some crap from her mouth-hole about how she loves food and has a “sexual attraction to it.”

Um, Katy?  Please die in a fire.

June 25, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , | 8 Comments

As between being a Garish Liar or a Drunkass…

Always go with “drunkass”ts-starface1

Remember that dumbass eighteen-year-old girl, Kimberley Vlaminck who went into a tattoo parlor and asked for three stars under her left eye, but ended up with 56 stars all over her damn face?

And remember how she claimed she told the tattoo artist in French and English (the tattoo artist didn’t speak either language) that she wanted  only three stars, then fell asleep, and was shocked when she awoke to “this nightmare”–she looked in the mirror and saw that there were 56 stars all over her face?

How utterly horrified she was, calling the tattoos–“the graffiti that has ruined my life.”  “It is terrible for me,” she cried. “I cannot go out on to the street, I am so embarrassed. I just look horrible.”  A Belgian psychologist agreed: “The trauma this girl must be feeling is indescribable. She feels like a circus freak– and no wonder, because she looks like one.”

Ouch.

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June 24, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use | , , , , , | 7 Comments

Angry Black Lady Chronicles

The Universal Health Care Debate According to Rush Limbaugh ts-exercise-art

As the debate about universal health care (also known as socialized medicine, commie health care, pinko health care, deathcare, Islamo-fascist health care, and turrorist health care) kicks into high gear, Washington is all abuzz about what Obama is planning to do.  Will he require everyone to be insured?  Will he institute some sort of black ops covert paramilitary program under which black helicopters will circle every residence, offloading paratroopers who will fall from the sky, knock on your door, and demand to see your health insurance card?  Will it be single payer?  Will it be employer-based?  Will it be a health co-op?

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June 23, 2009 Posted by | Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Al Roker: Weatherman, Bad Ass

Al isn’t taking any crap from Spencer Pratt

spencer-pratt-heidi-montag-quit-im-a-celebrity-2The Pratt-Douchebags appeared on the Today show and got bitch slapped Al Roker. Heidi claims Roker viciously attacked her and her twit husband, saying, “[Al Roker] was incredibly rude and was verbally assaulting me… I would warn any people, especially women, who are going on the show to watch out for him.” Spencer later added, “I never in my wildest dreams thought a weatherman would treat us like we just rigged the Iranian election.”

Notice how he picked up on Iranian election from an earlier segment of the show and tried to sound topical? He later reverted to his true form and said, “He’s lucky I was saved by Jesus, because a couple of weeks ago I probably would have ripped his head off for talking to my wife like that.”

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June 17, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , | 10 Comments

Joan Walsh Took on Bill O’Reilly

She stays calm, he stays crazyts-o_reilly_factor

Abortion is a tricky subject.  Personally, I’m pro-choice, but after 15 years of arguing about it, I’ve resigned myself to avoid the abortion debate.  It is a sensitive issue.  For a lot of people, it’s a religious issue.  For others, a feminist issues.

Nonetheless, I think we can all agree that tossing around terms like “baby killer” or “abortion mill” do nothing but inflame an already inflammatory issue the discussion or try to reach a common solution about the abortion debate.  It’s inflammatory an unnecessary rhetoric.  Furthermore, it is rhetoric that, TMIMO, lead, in some way, to the murder of Dr. George Tiller.

It doesn’t matter whether you think late term abortion is wrong (always or only in some cases), or whether the legal facility which Tiller operated was a moral abomination. (I say “legal,” fully understanding that the legality of an activity doesn’t make it “right,” whatever “right” means to you.)  The point is that vigilante justice is no justice at all.  Justice should be sought from one’s government and legislators.

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June 16, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments