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RIP, Nano-Boo


22515211703ea232108mts9Everyone knows Steve Jobs owns me–and my soul. Well, the other day not only did I die a little inside, I also lost a little piece of my soul. My Nano died. (Not to be confused with Nana. She was old and we saw it coming.) I turned on my iPod, and there was that horrible picture: the iPod with crossed out eyes. I had read rumoUrs of this on Apple websites. I never believed it would actually happen to me!

I was so traumatized I had to call one of those hotlines. We hashed it out. Yes, she was 3 years old and her insides were starting to rust from all the sweating I do while running, but she seemed so young.

This has caused me such mental distress, I think I should sue for the price of a new Nano. Steve Jobs did not keep his promises! I don’t remember exactly what they were right now, but I’m sure they were something along the lines of “may your Nano live forever.”

I also believe there is some sort of conspiracy theory going on here. My iPod died the same week the new iPhones came out!!! What are the chances???!!! So, not only did I HAVE to buy a new iPod, I also HAD to buy a new phone. There is definitely shenanigans AND hijinks afoot here. I’m going to have to meet somebody in the Applebee’s parking lot about this.

And now that I’ve had time to think this through, I might just sue my owner for the price of the phone. That will show him who’s owned!


August 5, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Keepin' it in the Ballyhood | , , , | 15 Comments

There Goes The Ballyhood!

Don’t go back to Rockville

rockville_md_chick_magnetRumoUr has it that Kate Gosselin has taken a second residence in Rockville, Md. It is supposed to be her “getaway” for when Jon moves all his bongs and Ed Hardy gear to the Pennsylvania abode to let the nannies do his custodial duties.

Why would anyone want to “getaway” to Rockville? No Walmarts? Congested traffic? Bodyguards? She must not be an REM fan?

She chose her new digs wisely, though. Arby’s is right around the corner, White Flint Mall is conveniently located down the street and there’s a Metro stop right across Hungerford Drive. (There’s even an underground crossing so you don’t have to risk your life every time you attempt to cross the street.) What else does a reality television star need?

However, I do foresee one problem for her. I made a few calls to local hair establishments. If she has a hair emergency regarding her possum-do, she will have to drive all the way to Fredneck Frederick to remedy the situation. Trixie, at The Beauty Bar, said she would be delighted to take her on as a client. No appointment necessary.

July 30, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Keepin' it in the Ballyhood | , , , | 7 Comments

The More You Know

Ice Edition

Due to the recent onslaught of ice and snow storms across the US, (excluding California and Hawaii) I would like to issue a reminder. When you are using the ice picks to extract your vehicles, please remember to clear the ice off the top of your car. I do realize that some states are backwards (I’m looking at you, Maryland) and do not require vehicle owners to take this possibly life-saving action. But, let me assure you of something. If a massive glacier comes flying off of your automobile and strikes another car, you will be responsible for any incurred damages. So, if you don’t want to be sued by someone who probably has more money than you do, please take the extra few minutes to CLEAR THE ICE OFF THE TOP OF YOUR DAMN CAR! I’m just sayin’…

January 30, 2009 Posted by | Keepin' it in the Ballyhood, The More You Know | , | 7 Comments

The Local Plow King® Franchise May Have Lost A Contract Last Night

ts-barneyThe weather turned really nasty here last night. It went from nice fluffy, white snow to sleet and freezing rain. Of course this meant I was awakened around 2:30 AM by the incessant scraping of a road plow. For those of you who have never had the privilege of living in a winter weather prone area, the sound of a plow scraping solid ice is somewhere between nails on a chalkboard and a jet landing in the street. Continue reading

January 29, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Keepin' it in the Ballyhood | , , | 3 Comments

Stranger Danger: How to Handle Nosy Rosie and Pryin’ Ryan


I’m sure most people have been in a position where a complete stranger has asked them a very personal question.  Many respond with shock or feigned politeness. There is another method of handling these predicaments, which will diffuse the situation (for the person being grilled) and usually leave the inquirer in stunned silence.  I call it “Giving Appropriate Answers to Inappropriate Questions.” Others call it lying. Continue reading

January 26, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Keepin' it in the Ballyhood, What Do You Think? | , , | 5 Comments