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Random Drunk Emission

Evil all around us editionevil

Take note, dear Squeers! Evil lurks among you! I speak not of murdering bastards; I am talking about things that hurt. Have you ever banged your knee on your desk? Have you broken your toe by hitting it on the corner of the wall? These things are not coincidence; inanimate objects are conspiring against us. They lay in wait for the right moment to inflict terrible pain against us. You feel silly when you call the wall an asshole because you just broke your big toe by accidentally running into it, but you need not feel silly. The wall hears you and it laughs because it knows you never suspected its evil plan.   Heed my words: inanimate objects are assholes.  (This isn’t the first time you’ve been warned you about the dangers of asshole inanimate objects.)  Remember this next time you fall down the stairs for no reason.


August 7, 2009 - Posted by | Random Drunk Emissions | ,


  1. I fell down the stairs just yesterday. It was actually like something from a movie. I started falling, so I grabbed for the hand rails and was basically parallel with the floor facing downward, with my feet behind me. I blamed my stupid asshole shoes – thanks for proving that I was right!

    Comment by Helen Skor | August 7, 2009 | Reply

  2. I rolled my ankle the other day after a “three martini thursday”. It’s swollen and my pinky toe is purple. I hope I didn’t break it

    Comment by blah | August 8, 2009 | Reply

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