uncollectedminds

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Mae Hates Cupcakes [Redux]

Truly, Madly, Deeply

Cupcakes. I hate them more than anything ever created. I hate them more than pollution, traffic jams, Rosie O’ Donnell, even more than the New York Yankees. They are my arch nemeses. Now you may be wondering, “Why Mae? How can you not love cupcakes? They’re gooey, cute and sweet confectionary goodness.” Well, that’s why I hate them.

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July 16, 2009 Posted by | A Word from Mae, I Hate Things | , , | 6 Comments

I Hate Things

10 More Things I Hate and You Should Too! ts-what-i-hate

1.  Women who slouch their coats at their elbows: Is it on? Is it off? Make a choice!

2.  Scrubbing the baseboards, especially in the kitchen: Ew. Ew. Ew. Especially when you have two rather large, rather furry dogs.

3.  People who turn their turn signals on too soon and/or forget to shut them off: We get it; you’re turning. SHUT IT OFF ALREADY!

4.  The government: Enough said.

5.  People who leave the bottle caps sitting on the counter rather than throwing them away: Seriously, you have to walk past the trash. Throw ‘em away!

6.  People who save cups from fast food restaurants: I’m looking at you, brother! There’s no need to save 5 different large cups from Wendy’s, Arby’s, Taco Bell, etc.

ts-cups

7.  People who do not rinse left on food and sauce on their plate and leave it sitting in the sink: Seriously, the dishwasher is empty, next to the sink and doesn’t work miracles. That’s what garbage disposals were invented for! Rinse it off!

ts-dirtyplate

8.  Women over 40 who dress like 20 year old street walkers/strippers: Honey, that white spandex, barely below your butt cheeks dress and white pumps isn’t working for you. You look like a 1980s porn star. Especially with frosted, feathered hair.

ts-slutty-old

9.  Men who tuck in T-shirts: No, just no.

10.  Men (or women) who have their cell phones clipped to their belt: You don’t look important. You look like a doosh.

Image Source.

July 16, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , | 11 Comments

Enough Already!

You Didn’t Love Him On Tuesday

michael

What the hell is wrong with people? Everyone has spent the last decade talking about what a freak Michael Jackson is and then the second he dies he’s some sort of hero. I have a problem with that, and I’m fairly sure he would, too. Why is it when a celebrity dies they are automatically ascended to god status? Remember Anna Nicole Smith? People did the same thing with her when she died, and I can’t recall even one person that didn’t make fun of her when she was still alive. TMZ and People feel the need to report every detail about Michael Jackson to us now. Hell, 98% of TMZ is currently Michael related. When was the last time you heard him on the radio? Since he died I’ve heard him on almost an hourly basis. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that he died, because he had kids and I don’t wish death on people, but people are getting way out of hand. If you had really loved Michael as much as you say you did, he wouldn’t have spent his final years as a social outcast.

June 30, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , | 16 Comments

Broken Dryers Make Me Want to Brick Things

Is somebody killing rabbits in the laundry room?ts-dryer-will-die

My dryer decided that it would be great to start squeaking yesterday. It’s not even a quiet squeak; it’s loud enough to wake the dead. Well, maybe not the dead, but it is loud enough to wake my husband which means it’s pretty freaking loud.

I’m pretty sure it’s just part of a larger plot to make me insane. I blame Paris Hilton and Miley Cyrus. They’re behind every squeaky dryer and creaking door. They’re aliens sent to take over the world by annoying people to death. Recently they’ve sent a new operative in the form of Miss California. Call me paranoid but when everybody’s brains leak out of their skulls don’t say I didn’t warn you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to fashioning my tin foil hat.


May 19, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Doosh Watch 2009, I Hate Things | , | 4 Comments

I Hate Things

Conference calls Edition

conferenceDon’t you hate it when you get sucked into and hour and a half  long conference call that you really didn’t need to be a part of? Isn’t even worse when the call could have been 15 minutes if the other people on the line would have saved their dumbass questions for another time? I don’t need to know about your business.

Here’s my situation. Two of my coworkers are out tending to their daughters’ needs right now; so that leaves three of us plus the receptionist to take care of everything. Once I hang up with one disgruntled plumber or wholesaler I immediately have to listen to another. Forcing me to participate in an overly long conference call while someone asks insipid questions forces me to leave the other two poor souls to answer all the calls while I  listen to crap I already know.

So, great, dude;  you got to stroke your ego and feel like you accomplished something. I’m happy for you.  Thank you for wasting my time.  Have a nice day.

I know I can’t be the only one that has had to sit in on some sort of corporate masturbation when they’ve had better things to do. Tell me about your shining example of others wasting you precious time.

May 6, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , | 4 Comments

I Hate Things

Smug Prius Owners Edition

Dear Oh-So-Superior-Prius-Owners*,

smugHa!

Maybe my Honda Fit doesn’t run on electricity, and maybe it doesn’t get 50 miles to the gallon, city, if that’s what you really get. Maybe it only gets 35. Maybe it doesn’t do all that. But I’ll tell you what else it doesn’t do: speed up to 84 mph without my consent.

Wipe that smug green smile off your face.

* I don’t hate Prius owners. I hate annoying Prius owners. I have a healthy respect for the environment and anyone else who does, but Prius has been elevated to the status of driving a BMW. Some consider it an environmental badge of honor. I have issue with the superiority over other car owners. Until you are biking 20 miles to work everyday, save your superiority but thank you for being able to afford a Prius and making the choice to drive one, instead of an SUV. But remember, you still fill it with fuel like the rest of us, not compost.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , , | 8 Comments

I Hate Things

Children Editionts-i-hate-children-they-annoy-me

Children. I really fucking hate children. I like my niece, she’s 12. And I’ve always liked her because she has always been (albeit shockingly) well mannered and courteous growing up, considering her mom and dad (my brother) are a bunch of divorced fucking idiots. I like my kid, but then again that could be because I gave her up for (open) adoption at birth. She may very well be an asshole. She is my kid after all, but I digress.

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April 23, 2009 Posted by | A Word from Mae, I Hate Things | , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

One Thing I Don’t Hate

Shaq

Shaq kicks ass.  If you don’t believe me, watch this video:



Shaq (THE_REAL_SHAQ)  dominates not only the basketball court, but also the Twitterverse.  He even tells @oprah what’s what.

Move over Ashton Kutcher and Larry King.


April 22, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Katy Perry Makes Me Want to Punch Things

mtv ema arrivals 071108Your music sucks almost as much as your friends

Am I the only one who is sick of this girl? Her music is sub-par and way over played. In every picture I see of her, she’s wearing something “edgy” or “retro” and she has this smug look of self satisfaction that makes me want to pee in her eyes. If that’s not bad enough she’s friends with the dumb orb known as Perez Hilton. I’m sorry, you have to have an IQ below 30 to hang out with someone who still thinks it’s funny to draw cum dots on people. Did I mention her music sucks? If I hear the “hot and cold” song one more time, I might jam pencils in my ears.


April 12, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , | 13 Comments

I Hate Things

Stupid Lady Edition

Way to put the women’s right movement back 20 years!! Seriously, that is just sad.


Please excuse me, I have to go locate my faith in humanity, I seem to have lost it.

April 10, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , , | 13 Comments