uncollectedminds

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RIP, Nano-Boo

Noooo…..

22515211703ea232108mts9Everyone knows Steve Jobs owns me–and my soul. Well, the other day not only did I die a little inside, I also lost a little piece of my soul. My Nano died. (Not to be confused with Nana. She was old and we saw it coming.) I turned on my iPod, and there was that horrible picture: the iPod with crossed out eyes. I had read rumoUrs of this on Apple websites. I never believed it would actually happen to me!

I was so traumatized I had to call one of those hotlines. We hashed it out. Yes, she was 3 years old and her insides were starting to rust from all the sweating I do while running, but she seemed so young.

This has caused me such mental distress, I think I should sue for the price of a new Nano. Steve Jobs did not keep his promises! I don’t remember exactly what they were right now, but I’m sure they were something along the lines of “may your Nano live forever.”

I also believe there is some sort of conspiracy theory going on here. My iPod died the same week the new iPhones came out!!! What are the chances???!!! So, not only did I HAVE to buy a new iPod, I also HAD to buy a new phone. There is definitely shenanigans AND hijinks afoot here. I’m going to have to meet somebody in the Applebee’s parking lot about this.

And now that I’ve had time to think this through, I might just sue my owner for the price of the phone. That will show him who’s owned!

August 5, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Keepin' it in the Ballyhood | , , , | 15 Comments

Katy Perry Won’t Be Kissing Jill Sobule Anytime Soon

“Fuck you, Katy Perry.”

jill4blogJill Sobule has finally weighed in on Katy Perry jacking her song title.

“As a musician I have always refrained from criticizing another artist. I was, ‘Well, good for her.’ It did bug me a little bit, however, when she said she came up with the idea for the title in a dream. In truth, she wrote it with a team of professional writers and was signed by the very same guy that signed me in 1995. I have not mentioned that in interviews as I don’t want to sound bitter or petty, because that’s not me. Okay, maybe, if I really think about it, there were a few jealous and pissed off moments.”

“When her version came out I started getting tons of inquiries about what I thought. Some folks were angry and wondered why she took my title and made it into this kind of ‘girls gone wild’ thing. Others, including my mother, were excited because they thought I would somehow make some money out of it. Unfortunately you can’t copyright a title… bummer,” Jill continued, before furiously adding, “So here goes, for the first time in an interview… Fuck you Katy Perry, you fucking stupid, maybe ‘not good for the gays’, title thieving, haven’t heard much else, so not quite sure if you’re talented, fucking little slut.”

Well said Jill. I’m sure Katy doesn’t care what Jill Sobule thinks about this. If she did care she would have at the very least, given some sort of nod to Jill’s version of I Kissed a Girl when she was out promoting it. Instead Katy chose to pass it off as an original idea and hope people had forgotten Jill Sobule’s song.

I’ve been a big Jill Sobule fan since the 1990s. She is a great musician and an incredible song writer. If you only know her from I Kissed a Girl, take some time on youtube and check out some of her other songs. Here are a few to tempt you.

A happy song about global warming.

San Francisco – video by Margaret Cho

Long after Katy Perry is out of the music business and working at Hooters, having been replaced by the next young pop star to come along, Jill will still be making music and playing clubs. Longevity is the best revenge.

August 5, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Daily Whims, People We Love | , , | 15 Comments

Calling All Chubbies

I bet Lane Bryant would like to forget this ad

chubbiesad_1

I guess it could be argued that it was another time, thus making it more acceptable. I have a hard time seeing any woman from any time being all right with being called a fatty, I’m sorry, chubby.

I wonder what page flowered muumuus are on?


August 4, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , , | 35 Comments

Drew Barrymore Likes Men with Blow Holes

This may be why she can’t commit

Barrymore looking for Mr. Right

Barrymore looking for Mr. Right

According to contactmusic.com, Drew Barrymore loves dolphins…a lot.  No, I know what you’re thinking, but  more than that.  They say:

The ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ actress is obsessed with the placid marine mammals, and has even turned her home into a shrine to them.

According to National Enquirer magazine, she told a friend: “They are just really special creatures and highly evolved. To tell you the truth, I’m convinced I was a dolphin in another life and that’s why I’m so attracted to them.”

Drew has over 200 statues and figurines of the creatures dotted around her property, including ones carved from crystal and wood.

She also swam with dolphins while holidaying in the Bahamas and Hawaii.

I am sure she probably meant she is attracted to them in a non-seckshual way, but I am choosing to believe otherwise right now because I find it more amusing.  The idea that Drew just came out of the Dolphin Closet makes me laugh.  Drew liking to collect dolphin statues, not so much.

August 3, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | Leave a comment

Tiger’s Great Escape

Screw the man!tiger

A tiger that belongs to the Fernando Brother’s Magic Show in Las Vegas decided it just couldn’t take the pressure of fame anymore and tried to book it out of there. The tiger was seen roaming the streets of Northwest Vegas and was later captured in somone’s backyard. That poor tiger probably thought it had finally made it. It was all “Hell yeah! Wide open spaces and live prey here I come!” The humans gave it just enough time to believe that it could really have the life it had always dreamed of, and then BAM! tranquilizer dart in the ass. Now it’s back to being part of a stupid magic act.

July 31, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, News You May or May Not Use | , , , | 3 Comments

Rick Roll Redux

Never Gonna Give Your Teen Spirit Up

I don’t know who did this but they should win an award. I’m really surprised how well this works together. Give it a listen and let us know what you think of it.

(Thanks to AdAd for the tip!)

July 21, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Found on the Internet | , , | 5 Comments

Not So Happily Ever After

When the Fairy Tale is Over, Real Life Creeps In

Photographer Dina Goldstein has done a photo series called Fallen Princesses. It revisits some fairy tale heroines and gives her take on life after happily ever after:

As a young girl, growing up abroad, I was not exposed to fairy tales. These new discoveries lead to my fascination with the origins of fairy tales. I explored the original Brothers Grimm’s stories and found that they have very dark and sometimes gruesome aspects, many of which were changed by Disney. I began to imagine Disney’s perfect Princesses juxtaposed with real issues that were affecting women around me, such as illness, addiction and self-image issues.

Photographs after the jump.

Continue reading

July 8, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , , | 9 Comments

What Is Wrong With You, Marion Barry.

This Fucking Guyts-barry

Marion Barry, inexplicably three-time elected Mayor (now Councilman) of Washington, DC, has been arrested for doing some more stupid shit. Again.
Before I get into details, let’s recap some of Cracky’s greatest hits, shall we?

1990 – Arrested when hotel surveillance cameras caught Barry smoking crack with a hooker, after which he served six months in Club Fed.
2002 – Arrested for possession of cocaine and weed found in his car during a routine traffic stop.
2005 – Put on probation for not filing or paying income taxes for years. During the hearing, his mandatory drug screening tested positive for cocaine and marijuana.
2006 – Was pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence when he was seen stopping at a green light, and then running a red light – at which point he was also found to be driving an unregistered vehicle with the wrong tags.
2006 – On an entirely separate occasion, Barry was stopped for a minor traffic violation, whereupon it was found that he’d been driving on a suspended license.
2008 – Again, failed to file or pay his taxes, extending his probation to 2011.

Which brings us to Fourth of July weekend, 2009! At 8:45 PM Saturday night, police were flagged down by a woman claiming that another driver was stalking and harassing her. Guess who! Naw, I’ll tell you. Marion Barry.

Here’s the thing. Barry claims that all of his arrests over the years have been a result of racism. And you know what? He might be right. I don’t know a single black man who doesn’t get pulled over regularly for bullshit reasons. However, none of THOSE men are high profile drug addicted corrupt politicians known to almost always have crack cocaine in THEIR cars, so, there’s that.

My advice to you, Marion Barry: When you get caught doing stupid shit, then yell and scream that you were profiled by The Man, you don’t win any points for civil rights. You just win points for being a self-serving dumbass.

July 7, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use | , | 8 Comments

Happy Fourth of July!

From KeeblerKahn and all of us at Thundersquee!

Try and exit this weekend with the same number of fingers and toes as you entered it with.  ATTACHED fingers and toes; it doesn’t count if they are floating in a jar.

Now go celebrate in the American way. Eat too much, drink till you’re hammered, and blow shit up. Bonus points if you and your friends invade a country.

July 3, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , | 1 Comment

Take Your Dog to Work Day

Let’s see if they’ve got what it takes.ts-dog-work

Last Friday was “Take Your Dog to Work Day.”

YEAH!  Take ’em to work and make ’em work!  All they do is lie around looking cute while you’re out there slaving so you can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and put the bacon in their dog bowls.  It’s about time you took them to work!  Make them earn their keep like the obviously belabored dogs did as depicted in the pictures after the jump.

Continue reading

July 2, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , , , , , | 4 Comments