uncollectedminds

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Angry Black Lady Chronicles

Earth Hour?  Render unto me a fucking break, already.

ts-save-the-planet

Ever since Al Gore told us that we’re ruining the world, motherfuckers have been scrambling to find ways to reduce their carbon footprint and save the planet. And thus Earth Hour, the stupidest hour known to humankind was born.

First, let me say that I’m all for saving the planet. I live on the planet, so yeah, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t come over and leave your cigarette butts and shit all over the place.

And I’ll have you know that I have made a lot of sacrifices in the name of saving the planet.

I love aerosol deodorant (It’s so cold when it hits your armpit!  I love that!), but I haven’t used it since the late 80s because Greenpeace told me that every time I do, an angel loses its wings.

Continue reading

March 31, 2009 Posted by | Angry Black Lady Chronicles | , , , , | 15 Comments

Miley is a Big Fat Faker

Nice touch matching the spray on tan and dress color

ts-mileyMiley recently won Favorite Female Singer at The Kid’s Choice Awards. She lost Favorite TV Actress to Selena Gomez and Favorite TV Show to iCarly, Miley took the stage and cried as she accepted the award.

“I really thought I was going to lose, so thank you, guys.”

There is only one problem with that. She KNEW she was going to win. The only awards shows more scripted and rigged than The People’s Choice Awards and the MTV Movie Awards is Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards. Did you ever watch any of those shows and find it odd that only the people who win the awards bother to show up? Well there is a reason for that; they tell the winners ahead of time to make sure they will show up.

Continue reading

March 31, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , | 6 Comments

Afternoon Squee!

March goes out

March 31, 2009 Posted by | Afternoon Squee! | , , | 8 Comments

Something Else

ts-somethingelse28

I found out today that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I feel like this is fate’s way of encouraging me to move my exotic pets store to Australia.



March 31, 2009 Posted by | Something Else | | 7 Comments

Perfect Pairings

Breakfast Wine of Champions

breakfast-wineNothing ruins a morning more than the answer to “Who pissed in your cereal?” being “Chateau Latour.”  (An embarrassing Cabernet mustache was a close second, but thanks to Bedbugs and Ballyhoo those days are over.) But, the world of wine can be a bit daunting, and tasting classes require you to actually spit out the wine. In the Thunderverse that isn’t just insanity; it’s a crime.   So as a service to you, our beloved readers, we bring you the Thundersquee! Mini-Guide to Breakfast Wine.  May your days always start off on the right foot, however wobbly that foot may be.

Continue reading

March 31, 2009 Posted by | Wistful Lists | , | 9 Comments

I Hate Things

10 Things I Hate and You Should Too, Edition

ts-dog-lap

No. 8, You're cordially invited to a brick party

1. 3 o’clock in the morning: I’m usually up at this time and 3 o’clock is the world’s way of telling me I’m a degenerate. How you ask? Because that’s when any semblance of decent programming goes off the air and I’m stuck with infomercials about male enhancement pills and the Aerogarden.

2. The voice black comedians use when making fun of white people: Seriously, we don’t all talk like we wear Lacoste, nor do we talk like our mothers breastfed us too long, cut it out. Thanks!

Continue reading

March 31, 2009 Posted by | A Word from Mae, I Hate Things, Wistful Lists | , , | 13 Comments

Food for Thought

Death is not an option Edition

paris_hilton_and_lindsay_lohan1I love hypothetical questions. There’s nothing better than hearing what people would do if they were put in certain situations or given opportunities. I find these kind of questions always lead to the most entertaining and enlightening conversations. With that being said, I now ask you: If you were forced to spend 24 hours a day with either Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan and death was not an option who would you choose?



March 31, 2009 Posted by | What Do You Think? | , , , , | 17 Comments

Kitchen Bitchin’

Rainy nights and comfort food

Spring is here, y’all, but the weather is all kinds of wonky – cold and rainy one day and hot and humid the next.  It’s as if the weather in the region is abjectly PMSing.

Constantly.

The Kitchen Bitch rejects Mother Nature’s sabotage scheme, clearly recognizing the ruse to ruin her engagement pictures (taken this past weekend in the French Quarter).

But on days like today, good ol’ comfort food is best. It’s gray and drizzling outside, and I know that tonight I just want to cuddle with NFL Guy on the couch with a giant bowl of chili and a much needed viewing of “Coming to America.”

Vhere’s the spoon, indeed.

Here’s my absolute favorite chili recipe – it combines chocolate AND cumin, two of my favorite things in the world. (I’m confident the Angry Black Lady would also add a dollop of scotch, just to keep that floozy chili honest.)  Continue reading

March 31, 2009 Posted by | Kitchen Bitchin' | , , , , , | 10 Comments

Daily Bale

Adam Rodrig-bale

adam


March 31, 2009 Posted by | Daily Bale | , | 11 Comments

Afternoon Squee!

Otterly Adorable (sorry)


March 30, 2009 Posted by | Afternoon Squee! | , | 3 Comments