uncollectedminds

Just another WordPress.com weblog

ALL BABIES TO THE BURGER KING PARKING LOT!

It’s time to rumble…

492770538_cb7c7d4f9eSome megalomaniacal manager of a Missouri Burger King decided it was time for infants to respect his authoritah.

When a mother with a barefoot 6-month-old showed up on his watch, he promptly told her to remove her germ spreading crumb snatcher or he was calling the cops. That baby should have stuck her fungus ridden little foot right in his mouth breathing pie hole.

Apparently he was following the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy to the letter. It’s nice enough for a public service policy, right? I only see one tiny loophole. It doesn’t say anything about “no diaper.” HA!

I think all the local babies should unite, put on just a t-shirt and some shoes, and show up there demanding service. I believe we could even go global with this protest. We could call it, “Bare Your Bottoms For Babies’ Rights.”

Maybe Burger King will have to change its policy to “No shirt, no shoes, no diaper, no service.” Unless people beyond toddler stage are willing to don a diaper in support of baby solidarity, it would limit their patrons to babies, seniors and Michelle Duggar.

I really don’t see a down side to this plan.

Advertisements

August 6, 2009 Posted by | Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use | , , , , | 5 Comments

Jon and His Ego Minus 8

Where are your kids, Jon? ts-jon-gosselin-fashion

I was hoping that the celebrity massacre which Cait and NFL Guy wrought upon the world by going on their honeymoon would be enough to remove Jon and Kate Gosselin from the public consciousness FO-EVAH.  Silly me.  Seems everything Jon does gets reported.  He broke up with his wife.  He broke up with his girlfriend.  He broke up with his nanny.

My question is this:  Jon, did you break up with your kids too?  Because for all the talk about your girlfriends and hair plugs and new Ed Hardy outfits, I’ve yet to hear a peep about what it is you’re doing for your damn kids right now.

Jon, any man can be a celebrity dooshbag.  Not every man can do the right thing and take care of the 8 fruits of his loins!  And if you are spending time and caring for your kids, rather than running around acting like a dipshit, if I were you, every time a tabloid asks me a question about anything, I would make sure to say “Hey, want to hear about how much time I’m spending with my kids?  You know, when I’m not diddling the nanny?”

Also, lose the Ed Hardy gear.  It’s not helping.

July 27, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Levi Johnston and Hitler Weigh in on Sarah Palin Resigning

One of them doesn’t take it too well…

sarah-louise-heath-palin-2430Bristol Palin’s baby daddy Levi Johnston is talking about Sarah Palin’s decision to resign as governor of Alaska. Levi and the Palin family have had a not so friendly relationship ever since he and Bristol called off their sham of an engagement. I can’t imagine his statements here will do anything to ease that.

Johnston claims to have overheard Sarah talking about how she would like to cash in on her new found fame with all the offers coming in including a possible reality show and a book.

“She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say ‘forget everything else,'” he said. Adding, “I think the big deal was the book. That was millions of dollars.”

Continue reading

July 15, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Sarah Palin Resigned

For the Good of the People

ts-soapbox

Sarah Palin has decided to step down as the Governor of Alaska to save the state all the money it is spending on investigating her for ethics violations. She has also stated that she doesn’t want to be a “lame duck” and that “one term was enough”. Please watch this video while I go look for my soap box.

OK, I’m back.

Boy, where to start. As many of you know, I am extremely liberal. On most issues I’m so far to the left that I start to wrap back around. I’m so far left when I stick my head out my door I can see Rush Limbaugh’s house. Right now he is relaxing by his pool, popping drugs by the handful and sporting a Speedo, it’s not a pretty sight. Oh wait, I’m sorry. Rush isn’t popping drugs, he’s taking his “prescription”.

Back to Sarah. Lets talk about “One term being enough”. She was elected in 2006. Took office in January of 2007. She spent around four months running for Vice President. And now has retired with a year and a half to go on her term. Maybe my math is off, but in the two and a half years as Governor of Alaska she was only really there for about two years worth of work. I know some people will say while she was running for V.P. she was still doing her work as Governor and that is kind of true. Let’s be honest, in those months she was running for V.P. all of her attention was focused on winning and getting the hell out of Alaska. How can she claim one term was enough when she BARELY completed HALF of her first term as Governor?

Continue reading

July 8, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks, The Wrath of Kahn | , , , , , | 10 Comments

Perez Hilton: Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Lose one million twitter followersts-perez-hilton1

The Queen of Media weighed in on Michael Jackson’s heart attack before the general public knew he had died.

“Supposedly, the singer went into cardiac arrest. We are dubious!!

Jacko pulled a similar stunt when he was getting ready for his big HBO special in ’95 when he ‘collapsed’ at rehearsal!

Get your money back, Ticket Holders!!!”

You can read the entire post here.

Continue reading

July 1, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , | 4 Comments

DOOSH WATCH 2009: Perez Hilton

Canada Perez Hilton PunchedIs “Faggot” the New “Nigga”?

As most of y’all know by now, Perez got cold-cocked by Black Eyed Peas manager, Polo.  Seems as if Perez was running his mouth and talking shit about the Black Eyed Peas on his blog, so there was a big confrontation between Perez and the Peas on Sunday, during which Perez, once again, rotted out what amounts to a “So’s your mom!” counterattack:  “You’re not a fucking artist … you’re a fucking faggot.”

Perez was then all “To the YouTubes!” and posted some sanctimonious cry baby bullshit about how he was assaulted (I can’t be bothered to even post the 13 minute rant; the fine folks at HuffPo comedy have distilled it to a two minute hilarious video which you can view here.)

It’s quite an amazing thing, really–watching this idiot cry and blubber about “how violence is never the answer” after he done called Fergie an “ugly bitch” and called Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot.”  You can’t talk shit and then cry foul when you meet the business end of somebody’s fist.  As the rules clearly state, if you talk shit, YOU MIGHT GET KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.

Continue reading

June 25, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

I Kissed A Pizza…

And then I had a three way with the pizza and a girl.

ts-katy-perry1I’m going to be honest with you.  I don’t know who the hell this Katy Perry person is.  And I don’t mean that in a flippant “Who do you think you are, young lady!” way but in a serious “Who the hell are you?” way.  I know she sang some song about kissing a girl twenty years after Jill Sobule made it cool.  And I think I remember her starting some shit with Elton John.  Oh never mind, that was Lily Allen.  (To be honest, I don’t know who she is either, but the pair of them better stay the hell off my lawn.)

At any rate, apparently Katy Perry has the hots for food–she posted a picture on Twitter of herself (naked) and a pizza (with cheese) in a bathtub, along with a message: “I have no self-control.”

ts-katy-perry-pizza


According to the Daily Mail, when asked about her tweet, Katy Perry spewed some crap from her mouth-hole about how she loves food and has a “sexual attraction to it.”

Um, Katy?  Please die in a fire.

June 25, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , | 8 Comments

As between being a Garish Liar or a Drunkass…

Always go with “drunkass”ts-starface1

Remember that dumbass eighteen-year-old girl, Kimberley Vlaminck who went into a tattoo parlor and asked for three stars under her left eye, but ended up with 56 stars all over her damn face?

And remember how she claimed she told the tattoo artist in French and English (the tattoo artist didn’t speak either language) that she wanted  only three stars, then fell asleep, and was shocked when she awoke to “this nightmare”–she looked in the mirror and saw that there were 56 stars all over her face?

How utterly horrified she was, calling the tattoos–“the graffiti that has ruined my life.”  “It is terrible for me,” she cried. “I cannot go out on to the street, I am so embarrassed. I just look horrible.”  A Belgian psychologist agreed: “The trauma this girl must be feeling is indescribable. She feels like a circus freak– and no wonder, because she looks like one.”

Ouch.

Continue reading

June 24, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use | , , , , , | 7 Comments

Angry Black Lady Chronicles

The Universal Health Care Debate According to Rush Limbaugh ts-exercise-art

As the debate about universal health care (also known as socialized medicine, commie health care, pinko health care, deathcare, Islamo-fascist health care, and turrorist health care) kicks into high gear, Washington is all abuzz about what Obama is planning to do.  Will he require everyone to be insured?  Will he institute some sort of black ops covert paramilitary program under which black helicopters will circle every residence, offloading paratroopers who will fall from the sky, knock on your door, and demand to see your health insurance card?  Will it be single payer?  Will it be employer-based?  Will it be a health co-op?

Continue reading

June 23, 2009 Posted by | Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Joan Walsh Took on Bill O’Reilly

She stays calm, he stays crazyts-o_reilly_factor

Abortion is a tricky subject.  Personally, I’m pro-choice, but after 15 years of arguing about it, I’ve resigned myself to avoid the abortion debate.  It is a sensitive issue.  For a lot of people, it’s a religious issue.  For others, a feminist issues.

Nonetheless, I think we can all agree that tossing around terms like “baby killer” or “abortion mill” do nothing but inflame an already inflammatory issue the discussion or try to reach a common solution about the abortion debate.  It’s inflammatory an unnecessary rhetoric.  Furthermore, it is rhetoric that, TMIMO, lead, in some way, to the murder of Dr. George Tiller.

It doesn’t matter whether you think late term abortion is wrong (always or only in some cases), or whether the legal facility which Tiller operated was a moral abomination. (I say “legal,” fully understanding that the legality of an activity doesn’t make it “right,” whatever “right” means to you.)  The point is that vigilante justice is no justice at all.  Justice should be sought from one’s government and legislators.

Continue reading

June 16, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments