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Time Rewind

Trapper Keeper Edition

2280294835_07ba9cd220This edition is all about, The Trapper Keeper. I had a few in my time and now they are back, new and improved. The only things I hated about the Trapper Keeper were that the rings always broke and it didn’t hold very many papers. It promised it would, but much like Carlos Jackson who checked the “yes” box on my boyfriend request and checked Tara what’s her names  “yes” box too, Trapper Keeper LIED! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED! And also like the betrayal of Carlos and Tara, I handled the loss by listening to a lot of Air Supply and Journey.

Now that I think about it, I lost my shit a lot because of those damned things. The ads said they’d trap your papers,but in fact they did the very opposite of trapping–they regurgitated them. But what could I do? Much like leg warmers and Jordache, you sucked if you didn’t have one.

I still have fond memories of all my trapper keepers, though. My favorite was the one with the trippy unicorn scene. I always felt high when I would stare at it too long. I raise my jello pop and beer to you. It’s not an ideal combo, but it’s what I could find in the freezer. Cheers to you, Trapper Keeper. May you continue to screw over little kids by losing their damned homework.

Video after the jump!

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August 7, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic | , | 19 Comments

My Tragic Tale

Don’t Know What You Got Till It’s Gonets-microwave

Sorry for the Cinderella quote, but I was recently downloading some old favorites. I hereby admit I used to love metal. The lighter fare that is. My tragic situation reminded me of the Cinderella song, Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone).

We recently had another appliance death. It seems to happen to us fairly frequently. I’ve been cursed. Our microwave decided to hit the shits or the skids. But it hit something, that’s my point. And at that time, it became clear to me that a microwave is something one must have to live.

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June 2, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , | 59 Comments

The Greatest Cinematic Achievment, EVER

Behold Perfection

For those who have never seen Old Greg, for shame. I too was in the dark and now my life is forever changed. It will be your jobs to bring Old Greg to those who have never seen it. To those with fuzzy peaches and even those without fuzzy peaches.

Enjoy Greg and his mangina.

June 1, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , | 10 Comments

Leave Footloose Alone!!!

Chasing Bacon

footlooseEver since I heard they were remaking this movie full of greatness, I’ve been sad, but then I forgot all about it and thought Hollywood had, too. But, it seems my celebrations were too early. Chace Crawford, who’s too pretty for words, shall be the new Kevin Bacon. Originally Zac Ephron was cast but dropped out and they just substituted Zac Ephron part deaux in the role. I had trouble telling them apart. Next up they can do the male version of The Patty Duke Show. I’ll let them dance fight over who gets to be on top.

Chace Crawford, you hear me now. You are no Kevin Bacon, SIR! Do you think that you can dance angry in a warehouse drinking beer and mentally envisioning a montage like Mr. Bacon? You think you can do knee slides, spins, and high kicks with his tenacity? I highly doubt it, small fry. He was the male Jennifer Beals of his time. No other guy from the 80’s can say that.

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May 25, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Movie Marquis | , , , , | 5 Comments

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

Bananas?amy-winehouse-banana-run

Amy Drinkhouse, sorry, Amy Drunkhouse, my bad, Winehouse canceled her upcoming concert that was supposed to be some kind of comeback. Don’t call it a comeback. I’m sorry, but I can’t say that word without breaking out into L.L.’s, Mama Said Knock You Out. (You know that song is going to be stuck in your head all day now.) Anyway, a recent concert at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival was cut short. It was mostly not her fault. Blame that bitch, Mother Nature. She has some nerve raining on Amy’s big day like that. Mother Nature almost ruined my wedding day, and almost soaked my super cool puffy-shouldered wedding gown. Shut up, it was the 90s. Don’t judge.

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May 22, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, What the Crap!? | , , | 1 Comment

Time Rewind

I’m a perm in a bottle, baby.

kyliepermNot all rewinds hold happy memories. You know what I’m talking about. Sometimes the bell-bottoms we wore so proudly a few decades ago make us cringe when we see the pictures now. How could we have believed that a super baggy sweater worn with a chunky belt would make us look skinny? Where did our brains go? Where they cooked during those 3 minutes it took to make those super cool Shrinky Dinks?

So with that we shall go back. Back to a time when we all wanted lush flowing tendrils like Rapunzel and to be able to go to bed and wake up with with curls so perfect it would make Jennifer Howard weep (stupid cow with her long, curly hair)–back to The Decade of the Perm. A decade of bangs so magnificent not even Greek Gods could ignore their splendor.

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May 21, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , , , , | 8 Comments

Where’s the Respect for Hitler?

The stache, the hair, the ummmmm? I got nothing.

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Apparently, a German man waited to get into the famed Madame Tussaud’s wax museum so he could rip Hitler’s head off.  The Berlin museum apparently warns museum-goers not to take pictures with Hitler out of respect to those he murdered (and their families) during World War II.  Hey mom, look! I’m drinking a beer with Hitler. I bet they don’t serve beer. But they should.

The culprit was a good little prisoner and didn’t resist arrest but he was fined. Hitler, if you’re interested, was dressed in a grey suit and looked, “gloomy.”  As well he shold since he murdered  millions of humans. I’m just saying.

So with 900 euros, you too can rip the head off a crazy man. For everything else, there’s Mastercard.

I say kudos to the culprit. I’ve seen the movie Wax Museum. I know how wax figurines can come to life and wreak havoc on the living. Let this be a lesson to you Stalin and Mussolini. Your heads can be ripped off too. Sadly, Hitler was fixed and put back on display. We’ll get you, Hitler. If not now, later!


May 20, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, News You May or May Not Use, What the Crap!? | , , , , | 2 Comments

What the French!?

Charm School Wrap Up

charm-school-cast-picThe other day I was watching a rousing show on The History Channel. I sat fascinated as they excavated what might have once been Sodom and Gomorrah. Then remembered I had recorded the latest Charm School with new host Ricki Lake. I’m still not sure if they found Sodom or not, but I’m sure a few of these ladies have. The first show was titled: “Thou Shall Be Charming.”

This season we get treated to two sets of dumped girls. I confess to not watching Real Chance Of Love, but the clips make it seem they were no less insane. It’s bound to be a battle of the STDs. The Valtrex shall fly. I expect some craziness and plenty of shenanigans, but I can tell from this puss (typo but it’s fitting) bus ride, the level of crazy on this season is going to reach astronomical proportions. We’re talking ludicrous speed, people. Someone is gonna get shot up in there. Here’s the cast.

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May 15, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, What the Crap!? | , , | 5 Comments

This Post is of the Utmost Importance

PLEASE GRAB A DRINK AND SIT DOWN BEFORE READING THIS!

ts-bale-depp-newspreviewI was sitting ready to gorge myself with snacks during my usual Thursday night TV orgy. Starting with Bones, Grey’s Anatomy, 30 Rock and on and on. It usually takes me until the  next day to get through them all.  So there I am, watching TV and minding my own business when I see something that jolts me like a punch to the back of the head.

A movie preview. It was as if Hollywood executives had crept into my dreams and made my movie dreams come true. Johnny Depp as John Dillinger. He was totally 1930s hot–very reminiscent of his 21 Jumpstreet days. I nearly exploded from excitement. But that can’t happen because then what would happen to my other, other, true love.

No, not Ryan Reynolds. Although that is a wonderful love, he’s still just number 3. What would become of my number one? BAAAAALE!!!!!! And then what happens? Do my eyes deceive me? Could it be?

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May 15, 2009 Posted by | Movie Marquis | , , , , | 5 Comments

Let’s Do The Time Warp Again

Some Kind Of Wonderful Edition

I’m a big fan of stuff from yesteryear–the cool fashions, high bangs, awesome movies. Today’s focus will be on the John Hughes classic, Some Kind Of Wonderful. On the surface it’s basically just Pretty In Pink with the sexes flipped.

But oh no, it’s much more than that. It had one of the coolest openings in movie history, in my opinion. And apparently 24,000-ish viewers on the YouTubes agree. Those drums were kick ass and it gave us a feel for the characters.


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May 5, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims, Movie Marquis | , , , , | 11 Comments