uncollectedminds

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Kansas Church Plagued By Bees

Give Churchgoers Another Reason To Praybee

A small church in Kansas ran into a bit of a problem recently. It seems that 70,000 bees decided it was a groovy place to make there home, so they over-ran the place. The pastor called in a bee keeper who was stung a good 20 times while removing the swarm. I’m left wondering why the pastor didn’t call somebody sooner. I mean you must have noticed there was a problem before the swarm reached epic proportions. There were so many bees that honey was dripping down the walls. Did they think the bees would eventually just move on or something? I know when I see just one bee I find out if that bitch is living anywhere near me, and if I find out it is, I get it taken care of very quickly.

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July 2, 2009 Posted by | Found on the Internet | , , | 7 Comments

Enough Already!

You Didn’t Love Him On Tuesday

michael

What the hell is wrong with people? Everyone has spent the last decade talking about what a freak Michael Jackson is and then the second he dies he’s some sort of hero. I have a problem with that, and I’m fairly sure he would, too. Why is it when a celebrity dies they are automatically ascended to god status? Remember Anna Nicole Smith? People did the same thing with her when she died, and I can’t recall even one person that didn’t make fun of her when she was still alive. TMZ and People feel the need to report every detail about Michael Jackson to us now. Hell, 98% of TMZ is currently Michael related. When was the last time you heard him on the radio? Since he died I’ve heard him on almost an hourly basis. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that he died, because he had kids and I don’t wish death on people, but people are getting way out of hand. If you had really loved Michael as much as you say you did, he wouldn’t have spent his final years as a social outcast.

June 30, 2009 Posted by | I Hate Things | , , | 16 Comments

Crazy Girls Strike Fear Into Heart Of Vampire Part Deux

Seriously, Grow The Hell UP Alreadyrob3

I don’t like the fact that I’m writing about Robert Pattinson again, but some crazy stuff went down yesterday. The shrieking mass was stalking him again, and he got hit by a cab while trying to escape the insanity. These women are so insane, dude ran in front of a cab to escape them. That’s just messed up. Luckily, he was able to walk away uninjured. I’ve thought about throwing myself in front of a cab to escape annoying people before but I’ve never actually done it. These girls better back off because they won’t have anybody to obsess over if he dies trying to escape them.

Source.



June 19, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , , , | 8 Comments

Chance Crawford “Hottest Bachelor”?

I Beg To Differchance

No, no, no. Just no. Chace Crawford looks like a freaking girl. People Magazine got it all wrong. There are like 4 other dudes on that list that should rank higher than him. No, I am not talking about Zac Efron. As a matter of fact, you could pretty much choose any guy on that list other than those two and it would be ok. It really makes me wonder what they base these lists on. I mean, Chace Crawford? Really. I just don’t get it. Who do you think should be Hottest Bachelor of the year?

June 18, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , | 7 Comments

Kelis Doesn’t Want Nas But She Wants His Money

“Pay Me For Leaving Your Ass”kelis

This crap pisses me the hell off. Kelis doesn’t want to be married to Nas anymore but she feels that he should still bathe her in diamonds and give her 100 dollar bills to wipe her ass with. According to TMZ Kelis claims she spends over 14,000 a month in mortgage payments, $4,000 a month for a nanny and roughly $15,000 a month for “entertainment and gifts”. Sounds to me like she needs to adjust her lifestyle if she’s no longer going to be married to an insanely rich man. I don’t know why they are splitting when she is ready to give birth to their child but I don’t believe that he should have to pay her way for the rest of eternity. Child support he should pay; everything else should be left up to her. I’m sorry but why should he have to continue supporting a woman that doesn’t think he’s good enough to be with her? Futhermore, what kind of self-respecting woman would say she can’t survive without a man supporting her? You have a job Kelis, go on tour and pay your own way. Maybe scale back your entertainment costs to about $200 a month like a normal person and buy a house that doesn’t cost you $14,000 a month. Also, you can get a good nanny for alot less than $3,500 a month. Trust. Grow up and stop acting like a spoiled brat, you’re giving women a bad name.

June 18, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , , | 6 Comments

Dirty Dancing

As directed by David Lynch

 

I love movies. I’ll watch anything if it looks good. Documentaries, foreign film, action, horror, it doesn’t matter. The video store I went to before I got Netflix knew my odd taste in movies well. Every now and then they would get a new employee and we would have this conversation.

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June 17, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Found on the Internet, What the Crap!? | , , , | 1 Comment

Courtney Love is Broke and Crazy

In other news, the sky is bluecourtney

Today I read about the epic battle between Courtney Love and American Express on TMZ.com. In the black corner, we have AmEx who is suing Love for over $350,000 in credit card debt. In the crack corner, we have Courtney Love who says something along the lines of “Isn’t the sky pretty? AmEx are whorehoppers and I’ve never even heard of them. Blurgh.” In the white corner, we have Courtney’s lawyers who say “AmEx knows the claim has no merit. We have told them this for a long time. AmEx’s lax policies allowed fraudulent transactions to be charged to my client’s card.”

I find this very amusing. Who in their right mind would give that woman a credit line? Who? The good news is that we can expect alot of incoherant rants from the crack corner. Strap in people, we’re in for a wild ride!!

May 29, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , | 2 Comments

Jon and Kate Plus My Fist In Their Face

Now THAT would be good for ratingsjonkate8

I’m so sick of hearing about Jon and Kate. Seriously, I don’t get it. I have never seen the show so I watched an old episode last night to see what all the fuss is about. Kate is a freaking terror. That woman is so nasty and bossy that I just want to smack her until she’s purple. I’d seriously like to know what she did with Jon’s balls. Where is she hiding them? Why does he allow himself to be belittled on national TV? Why man, WHY?  No wonder the poor dude runs out and gets wasted; I’d need a steady IV drip of booze to put up with that crap.

I don’t like the cheating thing though. If you are unhappy in your relationship you should just end it, not sneak around behind your spouse’s back. I understand there’s more money in it for him if he stays, but it’s still kind of messed up. I’m not even going to get into how wrong it is to whore your children out for money.

Anyway, my official stance on Jon and Kate is that they both suck to the tenth degree and I feel sorry for their children. I hope they save some of their money for the years of therapy those kids are going to need when they grow up.

What do you think about this Jon and Kate business?

May 27, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, What the Crap!? | , , | 10 Comments

Angry Black Lady Chronicles

Obama is a Bloody Mustard Eater

Good news, Americans!  The era of post-racial politics is over!  Our President, the Black Man himself, is an elitist! Apparently because he’s not throwing enough barbecues on the White House lawn, or doesn’t have enough homies coming over and hanging out drinking forties of Mickey’s in the Rose Garden, Fox News has only one recourse–to accuse Obama of being elitist.  So elitist, in fact, that he has transformed from “Some Black Guy” into “Bloody Elitist Chap”–an old white British dude in a Rolls Royce asking for Grey Poupon.  Looks like elitist is the new ghetto:


Holy crap, you guys.  It’s obvious that Obama is out of touch with the American people. “Real” Americans don’t eat Grey Poupon.

Except for the fact that they do— because it’s made by Kraft fucking Foods. You know, Kraft Mac and Cheese? Velveeta? Kraft singles? Is there any company that is more American than Kraft?

Sean Hannity, you are one of the biggest douchebags alive. Or dead.

May 11, 2009 Posted by | Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks, What the Crap!? | , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

The Oscars: Red Carpet Recap

The FAIL!

They made us laugh, they made us cry, and occasionally they put us to sleep. And  that was just on the red carpet. Now it’s time for Thundersquee! to return the favor with our  SQUEE!, Meh and Fail picks for the 81st Academy Awards.

On with The FAIL…

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February 23, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Fashion, Movie Marquis, What Do You Think?, Wistful Lists | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments