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As between being a Garish Liar or a Drunkass…

Always go with “drunkass”ts-starface1

Remember that dumbass eighteen-year-old girl, Kimberley Vlaminck who went into a tattoo parlor and asked for three stars under her left eye, but ended up with 56 stars all over her damn face?

And remember how she claimed she told the tattoo artist in French and English (the tattoo artist didn’t speak either language) that she wanted  only three stars, then fell asleep, and was shocked when she awoke to “this nightmare”–she looked in the mirror and saw that there were 56 stars all over her face?

How utterly horrified she was, calling the tattoos–“the graffiti that has ruined my life.”  “It is terrible for me,” she cried. “I cannot go out on to the street, I am so embarrassed. I just look horrible.”  A Belgian psychologist agreed: “The trauma this girl must be feeling is indescribable. She feels like a circus freak– and no wonder, because she looks like one.”


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June 24, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use | , , , , , | 7 Comments

Happy Birthday, Barbie!

I’m FIFTY! And I Like to KICK!

ts-barbie-tattooWhat do you do to celebrate when you’re turning fifty but you’re still built like a brick house? Well, if you’re Barbie (or any other cougar prowling around for the attention of a sweet young thing), you get INKED!

Totally Stylin’! Tattoo Barbie has hit the market, folks! She’s fabulous. She’s fifty. She’s got a butterfly on her butt (or wherever your Totally Stylin’! daughter decides to brand her with it). Miley’s doin’ it, and you KNOW a sophisticated Mattel lady like Barbie’s not about to be shown up by some fifteen-year-old Disney chippie.

Note: the Totally Plumped! Barbie Collagen Lip Filler Needles, Totally Hormonal! Barbie Estrogen Replacement Therapy Kit and He’s Totally Twenty! Barbie Poolboy Figurine are sold separately.

March 6, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Daily Whims | , , | 19 Comments

I Have Another Parenting Question

A Very Special Message from KeeblerKahn Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Miley CyrusOK, we have established that you wouldn’t let your 16 year-old daughter spend the night or date a 20 year-old dude. How do you feel about her getting a tattoo of said dude’s initials?

“When Miley heard about Infinitink, she began badgering her parents,” a Cyrus family insider reveals in the March 16 edition of Star Magazine. “Miley explained that if she ever wants her tat removed, it will come off faster and less painfully.”

First of all plenty of people get tattoos which they later regret getting, I have one I’ll get covered up at some point. I love tattoos, but call me old-fashioned; I don’t think you should let kids get them. Yes, it is easier to have the new inks removed, but that’s not the point.

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March 5, 2009 Posted by | Daily Whims | , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

What the Crap!?

Oh, the humanity.

If there is one thing I love more than bacon or ABBA it’s tattoos.

Sometimes you have to stop and wonder what the hell someone would get a particular tattoo. Continue reading

February 6, 2009 Posted by | What the Crap!? | , , | 3 Comments