Kitchen Bitchin’

Instadate

These days, the Kitchen Bitch and NFL Guy are in the throes of last-minute wedding details.

One minute, we’re wondering why we didn’t elope (oh, hey, that pesky Catholic thing), and the next we’re tempted to throw ourselves in front of a streetcar.

What we have learned, though, is that having romantical alone time is critical to maintain perspective in the face of all of this madness about favors and other sundry bullshit.

And yes, you, too, can create a gourmet instadate(tm) night in under an hour.

Kitchen Bitchin’

Summah summah summah time

The Kitchen Bitch loves her cooking magazines, but hates cooking heavy meals in the summer – it’s just too hot here in the Big Easy, and really, who wants to get the vapors?

Besides, with a wedding coming up in just 11 days, I’m mostly just ready to collapse from exhaustion…

…or ignore making wedding favors in order to go see The Hangover with NFL Guy.

I digress.

This month’s Cooking Light has an easy and amazing recipe for a great summer dinner for two.

Kitchen Bitchin’

Dare you to say “Ponchatoula” ten times fast

It’s spring, and in the southeast that means absurdly humid and dank days followed by breezy, cool evenings.

Gah.

In Louisiana, March and April mean strawberries – specifically, fresh strawberries from Ponchatoula.

Like most New Orleanians, the Kitchen Bitch is currently obsessing over Jazz Fest (which starts this weekend), but she is also insanely stressed about her upcoming wedding.

With the Blessed Event less than two months away, the Bitch needs a distraction.  And the flat of fresh strawberries in her kitchen last week provided just that.

Kitchen Bitchin’

Rainy nights and comfort food

Spring is here, y’all, but the weather is all kinds of wonky – cold and rainy one day and hot and humid the next.  It’s as if the weather in the region is abjectly PMSing.

Constantly.

The Kitchen Bitch rejects Mother Nature’s sabotage scheme, clearly recognizing the ruse to ruin her engagement pictures (taken this past weekend in the French Quarter).

But on days like today, good ol’ comfort food is best. It’s gray and drizzling outside, and I know that tonight I just want to cuddle with NFL Guy on the couch with a giant bowl of chili and a much needed viewing of “Coming to America.”

Vhere’s the spoon, indeed.

Here’s my absolute favorite chili recipe – it combines chocolate AND cumin, two of my favorite things in the world. (I’m confident the Angry Black Lady would also add a dollop of scotch, just to keep that floozy chili honest.) 

Kitchen Bitchin’

Kiss my blarney stone, y’all.

The Bitch is frankly exhausted this morning after a weekend of catching cabbages and photographing events for work.

The Saturday before each St. Patrick’s Day is full of parades and revelry in the Irish Channel section of New Orleans.  The fiance and I spent a soggy afternoon angling for vegetables for tomorrow’s corned beef and cabbage/roasted chicken spectacular at Chez Kitchen Bitch.

(2 cabbages, a carrot, a potato and an onion later, we emerged victorious.)

Here’s a random factoid to chew on this bleary Monday morning: did you know that 1/4 of all Americans claim some Irish heritage?  (We’re most prolific, we are.)

My family largely emigrated from Ireland in the 1880s and 1890s, and the one reminder of home my great-grandmother brought to New York with her was her family’s soda bread recipe. I’m incredibly proud of my heritage, and want to share with you that recipe.  It’s super easy to make, and tastes amazing (whether with a pat of butter or some marmalade).

Kitchen Bitchin’

Hack cough sniffle blech

Seasons are mercurial in the southeast – one morning you could wake up to blazing heat…and then need the heater on the next morning.

So the Kitchen Bitch finds herself with a nasty cold and a bruised voice that makes her sound like Kathleen Turner Overdrive.

I’m coughing up things that would make Linda Blair wince.

Greeeeaaaat.

The easiest thing to make when sick is also the most cliched – chicken noodle soup.  It’s reasonably healthy, it’s tremendously comforting, and it doesn’t require that much more work than opening a can of salty condensed soup.  Here’s an easy recipe that you can make in 30 minutes.

 

Kitchen Bitchin’

In which the Bitch adores cheap beads and crawfish and Harry Connick, Jr.

It’s crawfish season, y’all.  More importantly, it’s Mardi Gras here in the Crescent City.  Next week marks the beginning of Lent, which means the Bitch will piously give up alcohol until Easter.

Le sigh.  This time of year is wonderful, though – gorgeously unpredictable weather, racuous block parties, cheeky parades and masquerade balls.

The Kitchen Bitch loves Carnival.  But the Bitch loves you more, lambs, so here’s a little recipe that You. Must. Make. NOW.

Crawfish taste very similar to shrimp, but have a slightly chewier texture.  I adore them, so I’m thrilled that the water has been cool enough for a great crop this year.  If you’re new to eating mudbugs, this is a sure-fire way to try them without going full-tilt into Louisiana cuisine.   Plus, I’m distracting you from any crawfish anxiety with the hotness that is NOLA native Harry Connick, Jr.  Rrrow!

Now that you’ve relaxed, I present the Bitch’s jacked-up crawfish alfredo.

Kitchen Bitchin’

In which Robert Pattinson is still not the Bitch’s valentine: The Turf Edition

I promised some non-seafoody recipes – and I have two simple ones for you.

The first, filet mignon with a port reduction/blue cheese accompaniment, is incredibly luxurious – the second, a simple fondue, won’t break your budget.

Kitchen Bitchin’

Your Valentine’s Day Menu, Part Un

The Kitchen Bitch firmly maintains that slaving over a hot stove for hours just to impress your date is tomfoolery. She also firmly maintains that you can make a wonderful meal for your valentine without breaking a sweat.

In honor of The Holiday That Shall Not Be Named, the Kitchen Bitch presents the first in a two-part series of easy, romantic menus for your valentine…whether he’s Robert Pattinson (le sigh) or not.

Cooking for someone is an incredibly intimate thing – even more so if you cook in front of them. When the Bitch met her fiancé, she was so nervous the first time he came over for dinner that it took her 2 hours to make the meal.

But it’s thoughtful and meaningful, and it also allows for quiet, quality time that doesn’t involve sitting in a restaurant surrounded by other couples who succumb to the notion that only one day of the year is meant to be romantic.

Kitchen Bitchin’

In which the Bitch lightens up a standard New Orleans recipe

So late last week the Kitchen Bitch had a dinner party for some visitors from south Florida who specifically requested “New Orleans-style food.”

After some consideration, I made our guests a chicken and andouille jambalaya, and served a white chocolate blueberry bread pudding for dessert.