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DOOSH WATCH 2009: Perez Hilton

Canada Perez Hilton PunchedIs “Faggot” the New “Nigga”?

As most of y’all know by now, Perez got cold-cocked by Black Eyed Peas manager, Polo.  Seems as if Perez was running his mouth and talking shit about the Black Eyed Peas on his blog, so there was a big confrontation between Perez and the Peas on Sunday, during which Perez, once again, rotted out what amounts to a “So’s your mom!” counterattack:  “You’re not a fucking artist … you’re a fucking faggot.”

Perez was then all “To the YouTubes!” and posted some sanctimonious cry baby bullshit about how he was assaulted (I can’t be bothered to even post the 13 minute rant; the fine folks at HuffPo comedy have distilled it to a two minute hilarious video which you can view here.)

It’s quite an amazing thing, really–watching this idiot cry and blubber about “how violence is never the answer” after he done called Fergie an “ugly bitch” and called Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot.”  You can’t talk shit and then cry foul when you meet the business end of somebody’s fist.  As the rules clearly state, if you talk shit, YOU MIGHT GET KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT.

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June 25, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Perez Hilton Got His Ass Kicked

puppiesAnd The Crowd Goes Wild!!!!!pup1

I love it when smug people get punched for acting like fools. I always knew that some day somebody awesome was going to punch Perez in the eye for being the biggest bag of douche ever, but I could have never predicted it would be by somebody in the Black Eyed Peas. It seems that the band’s manager, Polo punched Perez a few times after Perez called Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot.”

Let’s pause for a moment here. Doesn’t Perez always preach about gay rights? I’m pretty sure one of his favorite things to preach about is how it’s wrong to discriminate against gay people. Why would you go and call someone a “fucking faggot” if you’re against the use of derogatory terms geared at gay people? He could have very easily used another insult.

Anyway, Will.I.Am and Perez are now having an internet video war about it and Polo was brought in for questioning. I say somebody should give Polo a prize, but that’s just because I despise the hypocritical egomaniac that is Perez Hilton.

I didn’t want to make Squeers!  look at Perez every time they stop by, so I’m using a picture of puppies instead.


June 23, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , , | 5 Comments

Carrie Prejean vs. Miss California USA Organization

Christ. Why won’t she just go away?

carrie-prejean-miss-california-2009Carrie Prejean has been making the rounds on talk shows claiming the REAL reason she lost her crown was because of her beliefs against gay marriage. According to her, she was set up. According to the Miss California USA organization, she’s full of crap.

Here is Prejean on the Today Show digging herself into a even deeper hole.

The Miss California USA organization has sent Carrie Prejean a formal demand letter, insisting she “recant” what they claim are “falsities” she has made in the media in recent days.

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June 19, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , | 18 Comments

Carrie Prejean Drops Out of The Special Olympics

I love that headline more then I really should

ts-carrie-prejean11The only thing that could make that headline better was if she had to drop out because she was actually competing in the Special Olympics and was caught using steroids.

The former Miss California was supposed to be there in the role of Miss California but since the Donald kicked her ass to the curb and took her sash and crown, she has decided to stay away.

Tami Farrell, the new Miss California, will be stepping in and representing the Miss California organization at the event. Prejean was going to volunteer at the event anyway, something she had done in the past, but has decided against it so as not to make things uncomfortable.

Carrie Prejean will undoubtedly be appearing on some talk show in the next week blaming this on the gay conspiracy that is out to get her.

I have six words for Carrie Prejean:


Prejean is the third person to receive the Bag of Douche Award. Carrie joins Kanye West and Mariah Carey in this exclusive club.


June 15, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Carrie Prejean Loses Her Crown

Don’t Let the Door Hit Your Dumbass on the Way Out

ts-carrie-prejean1Well, well, well.  What do we have here?  Carrie Prejean done finally lost her crown:

“‘This was a decision based solely on contract violations, including Ms. Prejean’s unwillingness to make appearances on behalf of the Miss California USA organization,’ the California pageant’s executive director, Keith Lewis, said in a statement.”

Carrie is blaming it on the gays.  Of course she is: “It’s just because of my answer, I think,” Prejean said. “None of this would be happening right now if I just said, ‘Yeah, gays should get married.’”

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June 11, 2009 Posted by | Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

American Idol Runner-Up has the Gay

America Wakes Up, Yawns, Goes Back to Sleep

ts-lambertrollingstoneAdam Lambert has landed a Rolling Stone cover and apparently talks about his sexuality and stuff:

According to Rolling Stone, Lambert was open about his sexuality backstage at “Idol.” In March, photos surfaced online of Lambert kissing his ex-boyfriend. “Going into ‘Idol,’ I assumed, ‘OK, people are going to talk,'” he says. “I mean, I’ve been living in Los Angeles for eight years as a gay man, I’ve been at clubs making out with somebody in the corner. But photographic evidence? Didn’t count on that. Wasn’t ready for that.”

He says he worried that a public announcement would overshadow his singing, so he decided not to respond and largely kept his personal life under wraps on the show. “I’m an entertainer, and who I am and what I do in my personal life is a separate thing,” he says. “It shouldn’t matter. Except it does. It’s really confusing.”

So yeah.  I guess Adam Lambert is “officially gay.”  Ugh.  Who cares.  It sucks that this is even news.  It sucks that some twenty-something-year-old kid who was really quite an impressive entertainer has to have a “coming out” moment with America.

I will volunteer to be gay if it means I never have to read another story about “so-and-so” is gay again.

Thundersquee!: New and Improved, With 100% More Irony.

June 10, 2009 Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , | 12 Comments

Angry Black Lady Chronicles

Head Explosion Countdown: 3…2…1…

I can’t even begin to grasp the fuckery that abounds in Sam Shulman’s latest article in The Weekly Standard“The Worst Thing About Gay Marriage.” Read it.  And be prepared to weep.  Or if your brain can’t handle that much pressure, I’ll sum up his points:

  • Women are all sluts whose sexuality must be controlled by men.
  • Men must protect women’s vaginas from intruders, because we womyns are just too damn precious and slutty to be able to fend for ourselves.
  • The only way to protect women from descending into sluttitude is to marry us.
  • Men “resignedly” and “heroically” marry us so we won’t have sex with our fathers and sons and so they, the horny bastards they are, won’t give in to the temptation to fuck their moms.
  • Gay folks don’t suffer the “onerous obligations” that come with marriage the way straight folks do: Monogamy.  Suffering the presence of your partner’s in-laws.  Turkey on Thanksgiving.  Not fucking one’s mom.
  • Gay marriage will become irrelevant the way black folks wearing daishikis with Fight the Power fist hairpicks shoved in their afros are irrelevant.

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June 3, 2009 Posted by | Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Do You See That?

Those Are Pigs… and They’re Flying!ts-daddydickcheney

Well, I’ll be the daughter of a hamster.  The Dark Lord himself, Dick Cheney, has once and for all broken with party lines and has come out in support of gay marriage.  Of course one assumes that he never has really been against gay marriage (his daughter Mary has the gay), but was simply feigning bigotry (or at least letting bigotry slide) so as not to piss off the base:

“I think that freedom means freedom for everyone.  As many of you know, one of my daughters is gay and it is something we have lived with for a long time in our family. I think people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish. Any kind of arrangement they wish. The question of whether or not there ought to be a federal statute to protect this, I don’t support. I do believe that the historically the way marriage has been regulated is at the state level. It has always been a state issue and I think that is the way it ought to be handled, on a state-by-state basis. … But I don’t have any problem with that. People ought to get a shot at that.”

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June 2, 2009 Posted by | News You May or May Not Use, Politiks, What the Crap!? | , , , , , , | 9 Comments

No Special Day for Miss California

The world rejoicests-carrie-prejean1

San Diego Vista Unified School District considered making June 1st Carrie Prejean Day. Thankfully, the school board decided against it. School Board Vice President, Steve Lily had this to say:

“The district had never honored a former student and didn’t want to start with someone who had breast implants, posed semi-nude and whose goal was to be a Victoria’s Secret model.”

I could sum up my feeling on this in two simple words:

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May 20, 2009 Posted by | Doosh Watch 2009, News You May or May Not Use, What Do You Think? | , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Liar! Liar!! Pageant Gown on FIRE!!!

Carrie Prejean keeps her crown

carrie_3_fullLast week, Donald Trump decided to let Miss California Carrie Prejean keep her crown, despite the new topless photos which were recently released.  The Donald had the following to say on the matter:

“Carrie will remain Miss California. We reviewed the pictures very carefully. We are in the 21st century. … Carrie’s a model, she’s very successful. We have determined that the pictures taken are fine. So we’ve made a determination that everything we’ve seen to this date that she’s done. Some were beautiful, some were risqué. We’re in the 21-century. We’ve determined the pictures taken were acceptable, fine, and in many cases they were very lovely pictures.”

Photographer Dominic Petruzzi took the newly-released photos. Prejean claims that the photos which exposed her breasts were taken between the real shot she was posing for, and that it was the wind’s fault that her lady humps were exposed. She claims to be appalled that the photographer violated her trust and released the images.

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May 18, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments