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Kid Doesn’t Want to Go to Church

So he steals a car

I admire his commitment to getting out of church, I felt the same way when I was a kid. You know the people at the church will never let him forget this. I bet next weeks sermon is the Ten Commandments, focusing on number eight, Thou Shalt not Steal.


August 4, 2009 - Posted by | Criminally Stupid, Found on the Internet | ,


  1. The Missionaries are going to get him when he least expects it. He’ll be appropriately reprogrammed.

    Comment by cookiebees | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  2. 20 years later he will pastor a church. Mark my words.

    Comment by Meeky | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  3. Hell, I *am* a pastor and I want to do this about 1/2 the Sundays out of the year!

    Comment by Rev. Random | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  4. 20 years later meeky, he will sire 37 children from his 8 wives while pastoring a church. it is Utah. the only reason I even have been to Utah other than mormon jokes is snowboarding. But that’s a kid after my own heart. If I was his dad, I’d teach him how to hot wire a car so he wouldn’t have to take mine. Being puerto rican, I think learning to hot wire a car is a coming of age ceremony. along with completing your first roofing job and knocking up the girl next door.

    Comment by drgnsldr | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  5. I’m always interested in reinvented rituals but this one sounds complicated and a bit like a bachelor party. If this is what men are looking for in their spirituals lives it certainly explains why churches are mainly populated by women and gay men! Well, the progressive ones, anyway.

    Comment by Rev. Random | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  6. Lmao, Rev. I was being facetious. The brief time I was “spiritual” was shortly after my tour in Iraq. I thought I had to make up for the horrible things I witnessed/did. Overall, I think straight dudes only seek spirituality when they want their conscience cleared. I don’t knock faith, I think it does wonders for some people, but it’s not for everyone. I think too highly of the nobility of righteous faith to mock it by giving only lip service. That’s why I don’t practice.

    Comment by drgnsldr | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  7. Funny, that’s what I say about exercise! I have way to much respect for athletes to mock their prowess by getting up off the couch.

    As an aside, I found it extremely helpful to learn that the Greek translation of Paul’s discourse on the importance of faith in God should also be translated as the importance of God’s faith in US. In other words, it is not your faith or spirituality that turns or sustains the world but God’s. It’s okay if you don’t believe in God and I feel no compunction to change your mind. God and I are still free to believe in you. 🙂

    Comment by Rev. Random | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  8. I have no doubt that you’re a wonderful pastor. that’s the most warm and comforting answer I have ever heard from a clergy person regarding someone’s lack of faith. It’s christians like you who give credit to Jesus(the jewish carpenter, not the mexican gardner)

    Comment by drgnsldr | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  9. ::whispering::
    I love reading this thread. That is all.
    ::backs out quietly::

    Comment by Sarah | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  10. Aw, thanks drgnsldr…and who’s to say Jesus isn’t a Divine Mexican gardener? And most of the Mexicans I know do as much carpentry as gardening so where does that leave us?

    Comment by Rev. Random | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  11. ::pssst::
    I totally do too, Sarah.

    Comment by ManBearPig | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  12. ::psst!::
    Me, too. I heart the Rev. Random and drgnsldr interactions!

    Comment by SeaKat | August 4, 2009 | Reply

  13. With the possiblity that Jesus drove a lifted El Camino with a portrait of his mother airbrushed on the hood with a tiny chain link steering wheel and spinning chrome rims?

    Maybe he was always wandering because the Romans had some really harsh immigration policies?

    If we uncover a hidden commandment to honor the siesta and to keep it holy, Then Jesus wasn’t the penny pinching, legaly savvy rambling man I thought he was and may in fact be my south of the border cousin.

    Comment by drgnsldr | August 5, 2009 | Reply

  14. *Happy sigh* I like this site so much.

    Comment by TheHobo | August 5, 2009 | Reply

  15. drgnsldr – I like your kind of jesus. I think siestas should be enstated in North America. In Portugal, they have something similar and I sometimes wish my parents hadn`t of immigrated here, so I could enjoy two hour lunches during the middle of my work day which I`m sure could involve a nap since it usually involved a glass of wine.

    Man, this kid did it the hard way. All you have to do is pretend to fall asleep and you can totally skip church altogether.

    When I used to go to Catechism (a.k.a. Sunday School), I had one time fallen asleep before class and my parents didn`t wake me up. My seven year old brain thought SCORE! The following week, I tried to force myself to fall asleep and couldn`t, so I pretended to sleep. My mom came to wake me up and I kept pretending to sleep and of course I was smiling because seven year olds are not that good at sleep acting. My mom kept shaking me and yelling at me to stop faking being asleep. My dad said to leave me alone since I obviously didn`t want to go to Catechism. After that incident, I don`t think I ever had to attend another class. I was ever so pleased with myself at my seven year old cleverness.

    Comment by rumoUr | August 6, 2009 | Reply

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