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Gay Fish appoints himself the New King of Pop

Klass thy name is Kanye

kanyesouthAs Lily reported yesterday, Kanye West appointed himself the “error apparent” to the title of King of Pop, and I can not allow such asshattery on his part to pass without comment.

While the Jackson family is still mourning the loss of Michael, well everyone except Joe Jackson, Kanye West has offered/demanded to become the new King of Pop. The self proclaimed voice of this generation has asked the Jackson family for their blessing, not that he cares if they give it.

Have they even buried Michael Jackson yet? He claims to respect Michael, but his body is barely cold for Busey’s sake. What a fucking asshat. I realize Kanye West doesn’t grasp the concepts of compassion and tact, but he’s got enough money to hire someone who has them. We all need someone in our life that will smack us on the back of the head from time to time in order to remind us to stop acting like such a dipshit.

I bet Joe Jackson will come out and endorse him as the new King of Pop. Kanye will, of course, pay him off to do it. He will slip him some cash under the table or partner up with Joe somehow in Jackson’s new record company which Jackson couldn’t shut up about in all his press conferences. This is just one more chance Joe will have to make a buck from Michael.

I am actually disgusted by West for doing this. What a punk ass bitch move. Michael Jackson just died; the least Kanye could do is let his family come to grips with it before he started picking over Michael’s corpse like a vulture. He just wants to lay claim to the title before someone like Diddy does.

Michael Jackson didn’t appoint himself the King of Pop; he earned it. Jackson had Billie Jean, Beat It and Thriller. What the hell has Kanye West had? Gold Digger?

If Kanye wants a special title, then I have on for him. Kanye West, I take great pleasure in bestowing you with the first ever Double Bag of Douche Award. Kanye won the first award for telling Pink, Paul McCartney, and the Vice President of PETA that Stella McCartney needed more fur in her fashions.

Kanye, you are no King of Pop. If anything you are Lord Farquaad from Shrek. Try again when you can put on this kind of performance.



July 31, 2009 - Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009 | ,


  1. I feel like opening up my abnormal psych book (stupid bookstore wouldn’t buy the damn thing back) and dog-earing all of the pages that apply to this asshat.

    Comment by oilybohunk7 | July 31, 2009 | Reply

  2. i can’t be the only one who’s kid has watched shrek 1, 2 and 3 eleventy billion times.

    aaand i now have “holding out for a hero” stuck in my head… again.

    Comment by lava | July 31, 2009 | Reply

  3. king of pop my ass!
    king of douche-baggery on a lollipop stick would be more like it.
    suck on that kanye…

    Comment by syndeypup | July 31, 2009 | Reply

  4. You know those sunglasses that Kanye is wearing in the cartoon with this post and has worn in real life. I was at this night market last night and tried a pair on and it did not make me look cool at all actually, I looked like a douche. I blame Kanye.

    Comment by rumoUr | August 1, 2009 | Reply

  5. I cannot hum, tap or otherwise recognize a single tune of Kanye’s. Nope. Nuttin’ comes to mind. Is this because I listen to NPR all day and don’t have even local television access? Maybe.

    Also, my parents, who are like the Amish only without the handy farming and carpentry skillz, wouldn’t know Kanye if he showed up on their hobby farm desperate to feed the llamas.

    Guess what? I know LOTS of Jackson tunes. Didn’t even have to cramp my brain to have several of them recalled at a moment’s notice. My PARENTS even know Jackson tunes, from several eras. They have gathered this knowledge despite their bullish refusal to engage in anything related to Pop and THAT my friends, is the litmus test for the King of Pop.

    We’ll know it when we see it. Seriously. Mr. West? Kanye? Sure, we welcome strangers here but please take your sunglasses off in the house, it’s not polite. The bathroom’s down the hall to the left, you’re welcome to help yourself. Please tell your friends to turn that music down. Dinner is served.

    Comment by Rev. Random | August 2, 2009 | Reply

  6. the thing is, kanye’s music doesn’t really appeal to all races and cultures and whatnot the way michael’s did. i mean, does he really think the older midwestern red state crowd is jammin’ to love lockdown? of course not. but white folk will moonwalk the fuck out of something when billie jean comes on.

    kanye is ten pounds of douche in a five pound bug, but damnit, i still like his music. i just have to separate the douche from the song.

    Comment by DonnaMartin | August 2, 2009 | Reply

  7. DM is right. I’ve seen it happen. Just slip the DJ $5 to play Billie Jean at a white wedding barndance reception in Kansas and you’ll see more moonwalks on that dance floor than there are feathers on a chicken.

    Comment by shu_shu | August 2, 2009 | Reply

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