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Survey Says…?

Cheerios May Actually Kill You!ts-cheerios

A recent poll conducted by Rasmussen shows that 87 percent of voters disagree with the United States Food and Drug Administration that American breakfast staple Cheerios should be regulated as a drug.

Back in May, the FDA sent a warning letter to General Mills which stated that Cheerios should be regulated as a drug because the company’s advertising makes “unauthorized health claims” about the ability of Cheerios to help reduce cholesterol.

The FDA also stated that Cheerios “may not be legally marketed with the above claims in the United States without an approved new drug application and that  “enforcement action may include seizure of violative products and/or injunction against the manufacturers and distributors of violative products.”

When voters were told that General Mills claims that Cheerios can help reduce cholesterol, only three percent of voters said the cereal should be yanked from supermarkets and sold only in pharmacies, and only four percent of voters agreed that Cheerios should be regulated by the FDA.

I say, do it.  Hell, make Cheerios a controlled substance.  Imagine the glorious turn the debate about universal healthcare would take if families without health insurance had to pay 200 dollars for a box of Cheerios.

Besides, further investigation revealed that the four percent of voters were paid off by lobbyists from the Toasted Oats Alliance:


Take a look at those strange markings on the box.  Obviously, the Toasted Oats Alliance is a terrorist organization.



July 6, 2009 - Posted by | News You May or May Not Use, Politiks | , , ,


  1. Is… is that a mushroom cloud behind the cereal name???

    MMM. Nothing says “Breakfast Time!!” like armageddon in the heartland!

    Comment by SeaKat | July 6, 2009 | Reply

  2. We need to recognize the danger posed to children by these unsafe household medicine cabinets/pantries. I’ve seen toddlers unsuspectingly in the thralls of toasted-O addiction, crushing handfuls of round, wheaty evil into their ravenous maws with no thought of the consequences. If we don’t look out for their innocence, who will?

    Comment by Roxydarling | July 6, 2009 | Reply

  3. Roxy = WIN!

    Comment by DonnaMartin | July 6, 2009 | Reply

  4. It “may” do a lot of things. That’s not a claim that needs to be regulated.

    Cheerios. It may get you pregnant*.

    Under the right circumstances, those being if you eat them while having unprotected sex. Oh, but you have to be female and of child bearing age.

    Damn. There’s probably pron of that…

    Comment by TheHobo | July 6, 2009 | Reply

  5. That’s why Mormons stick Cheerios in their butts–everybody knows it’s not really sex and you can’t get pregnant if you do it in the butt.

    Comment by DonnaMartin | July 6, 2009 | Reply

  6. and that “enforcement action may include seizure of violative products and/or injunction against the manufacturers and distributors of violative products.”

    ::knock, knock::

    Jane American: “Yes, may I help you?”

    CrackPot FDA Agent: “Well Mam, we’re here to seize all toasted O products that may or may not be aiding the health of your heart. Government regulations, it’s for your own good.”

    Jane American: “Oh my! I had no idea they were so dangerous! We’ve been keeping them everywhere so as to optimize the toasty goodness and encourage snacking at all hours. We’ve got some in the liquor cabinet, the gun cabinet, in the cleaning closet next to the toxic cleaning chemicals, in the pantry next to the six bags of 0 TransFat potato chips, in the freezer next to the HaagenSlims and of course in the fridge next to an enormous block of government cheese.”

    CrackPot FDA Agent: “Looks like we arrived just in time.”

    So ends another episode of “Keep Somebody in the FDA Employed”

    Comment by Rev. Random | July 6, 2009 | Reply

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