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Render Unto Me a Break

When I’m stressed about the death of someone I don’t know, I too like to set fires.ts-michael_jackson

An Ohio woman is blaming stress over Michael Jackson’s death for her rick-diculousness.  She done set fire to a bathroom in a bar.

Amanda Jarvis was drowning her sorrows in Bootleggers Bar on Broadway Avenue in Lorain, Ohio when she went to use the bathroom.  She later ran out of the bathroom screaming that the bathroom was on fire.  The bartender (or “Smitty” as our own Jujubees would call him) went straight Colombo on her ass and reviewed the surveillance tapes.  After Smitty saw Jarvis enter and exit the bathroom twice in a short period of time on the security footage, he set off to track her down.

Luckily he didn’t have to go far; Smitty peeped her at the Boathouse Bar, also on Broadway Avenue (the alliteration is making me squee!).  He then called the cops.  When the cops arrested her and asked why the hell she went all pyro in the bathroom of the Bootleggers Bar on Broadway, Jarvis drunkenly slurred: “I felt stressed because my apartment had recently caught on fire, and because of the death of Michael Jackson.”

Pepsi, presumably, heard the words “set on fire” in conjunction with “Michael Jackson” and got nervous.



July 2, 2009 - Posted by | Criminally Stupid, News You May or May Not Use | , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. I am SO blaming everything on the death of Michael Jackson.

    Comment by shu_shu | July 2, 2009 | Reply

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