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Epic JAIL!

Madoff Given Maximum Sentence

Madoff attempts to answer the question "How much do you suck?" before realizing he didn't have the arms for it.

Madoff attempts to answer the question "How much do you suck?" before realizing he doesn't have the arms for it.

He’s going to prison, the big house, the pokey, the pen, the can, jail, up the river, the hoosegow! Applause broke out in the crowded Manhattan courtroom after U.S. District Judge Denny Chin issued the maximum sentence to Bernard Madoff, thief of billions and fleecer of masses.  Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison today after pleading guilty in March to securities fraud, mail fraud, wire fraud, investment adviser fraud, three counts of money laundering, false statements, perjury, false filings with the SEC and theft from an employee benefit plan–the  haul from which totaled an estimated $65 billion dollars and harmed or destroyed the lives of at least 8,000 people (there are an estimated additional 1,300 victims who have yet to be identified).

For those thinking this seems like a harsh penalty for a white collar crime, consider this.  That’s a mere 1 year per each $433,333,333 stolen and 53.33 people swindled. Furthermore,  at least 2 suicides and one fatal heart attack have been attributed to his acts.  The widow of the man who died of a heart attack wrote the judge, asking for a fitting sentence.  That letter exemplifies the type of man Madoff is.

It told the story of a Madoff investor who had died of a heart attack. Madoff, presumably at the man’s funeral, put his arm around the the widow and said, “Your money is safe.” The widow then gave Madoff more money, all of which is gone.

She was not alone in writing the judge to ask for a stiff sentence; many of his 8,000 victims wanted to testify against him during the pre-sentencing hearing, but they had to select a handful. Tellingly, absolutely no one–not friends nor family–spoke on his behalf or asked for leniency. The only person to ask for leniency was his lawyer, who asked for a laughable 12 year sentence.

When issuing the sentence, Judge Chin stated:

“Here the message must be sent that Mr. Madoff’s crimes were extraordinarily evil and that this kind of manipulation of the system is not just a bloodless crime that takes place on paper, but one instead that takes a staggering toll.”

Madoff and his wife have been forced to forfeit $171 billion in assets, and hopefully some of his victims will see repayment.


June 29, 2009 - Posted by | Afternoon FAIL!, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , ,


  1. I’m glad it was handed down like this. It’ll never be enough, but at least the courts are saying something.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  2. I’m glad too. All the news agencies were saying, “Of course he’ll never get the maximum sentence, but he should get a few decades”. It’s nice to see that after so many years of sticking it to people, Bernie is getting the maximum.

    It would be even nicer to find out why the SEC turned a blind eye to this whole thing for so many years.

    I think we should feed him low-quality red meat and bratwurst everyday for the rest of his life. He’ll be dead in five years on a diet like that.

    Comment by blah | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  3. I think the judge should have recused himself – he was quite close to an acknowledged Madoff vicitim.

    I heard was only 3 steps away from Kevin Bacon.

    Comment by SeaKat | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  4. Given the vast amount of people that were taken in by this guy, try and find a wealthy person who WASNT taken in by his schemes. Almost anyone who was involved is investments probably had some sort of fallout as a result of this guys dirty dealings.

    Comment by blah | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  5. SeaKat: That was so wonderfully horrible I don’t know whether I want to hug you or smack you on the back of the head. 🙂

    And that’s speaking as someone who wrote the headline for this story…

    Comment by Lily the Pink | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  6. Heeeeee. I can’t help it. Cheesy humoUr is my passion.

    Comment by SeaKat | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  7. Re: Madoff attempts to answer the question “How much do you suck?” before realizing he doesn’t have the arms for it.

    Uh-uh. He’s showing how big his asshole’s gonna be once he get acquainted with a few of the boys inside.

    Comment by OMIP_IanC | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  8. hahaha! Turns out he’s not going to white collar prison. In the words of “Office Space” he is going to “pound me in the ass prison”. Normally, someone who is convicted of this type of crime would go to a minimum security prison, but due to the vast amount of money that he’s swindled, he has now been moved to medium security prison. Medium security prison’s are not exactly Sandals in Jamaica. They have rapists, gang members and even murderers there who know that they’ve got his ass (literally) for the next century and a half.

    Comment by blah | June 30, 2009 | Reply

  9. Does he and his wife actually HAVE $171 billion in assets?

    Comment by WhoMee | July 1, 2009 | Reply

  10. In italy he would be a minister already <_<…

    Comment by Third Eye | November 1, 2009 | Reply

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