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Bad Songs To Lose Your Virginity To

Strangely Enough, the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies Didn’t Make the List

pd_sex_070731_msI’ve recently becomes a fan of the web site Funk Jelly. Last week they did a list of The 10 Worst Songs to Lose Your Virginity To. I got a few songs into the list and I found myself putting together my own list. Their pick for the number one song made me laugh and I thought was a perfect choice. When you have a few minutes I recommend going over and checking out their list.

Here’s the list they inspired:

10. Papa Don’t Preach – Madonna: What better way to start out the list than with a song about a girl getting knocked up.

9. The Thunder Rolls – Garth Brooks: It’s probably not a go idea to get it on for the first time with a song about cheating and abuse.

8. We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart: If you lost it to this song I think you missed his point.

7. I Love You Song – Barney: If you did it to this song, you’re just twisted. Good for you.

6. Janie’s Got A Gun – Aerosmith: I think Tank Girl said it best. You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You gotta go, “Daddy, are you sure this is right?”

5. Now You’re A Man – Orgazmo Theme Song: You should probably consider this one NSFW.

4. Luka – Suzanne Vega: Nothing drowns out the sound of child abuse like the ripping of a hymen. Too much?

3. Hello – Lionel Richie: Doing it to a stalker love song probably isn’t a good idea. You’re just asking for trouble later on, just ask Samantha Ronson.

2. Paradise by the Dashboard Light – Meatloaf: I love this song, but it could just as easily be called the Blue Balls song. Are you with me guy? Is there anything worse than being tagged out right before you cross home plate?

1. Lola – The Kinks: Lets hope your first time didn’t involve a surprise.

Now it’s your turn. What songs do you think need to be added to the list?


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June 22, 2009 - Posted by | Wistful Lists | , ,

9 Comments »

  1. I’m getting a 404 when I try to access the link. (I sound like a copper, don’t I? I’ve got a 404 in progress!)

    Good list, Keebs. Although the Luka one was a bit – ew. 😛

    Comment by SeaKat | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  2. Um…Who Let the Dogs Out. But only because I know an actual person who lost their virginity to that song. So sad.

    Comment by shu_shu | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  3. Oh, man. That’s bad. That’s like popping your cherry to the Macarena. Or the Hokey Pokey. Strike that. The Hokey Pokey would be pretty funny.

    You put the penis in.
    You take the penis out.
    You put the penis in, and you shake it all about.

    It’s practically an instruction manual!

    Comment by SeaKat | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  4. ha! I had a friend lose it to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’

    You’d be surprised how often that song comes on and I now think about my friend losing her v-card.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  5. I actually have NO idea what song was playing (if any) when I lost my virginity.

    I was just consumed with how awkward it all was.

    Comment by SeaKat | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  6. Should I feel left out if there was no song playing when I lost mine? Or just really glad it wasn’t “Like a Virgin”?

    Comment by TheHobo | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  7. You’re fine Hobo. It’s better than “Big Momma’s House” playing in the theater…I’m that kind of classy

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  8. Hey, KeeblerKahn, thanks for posting this! Your list was great.

    Good call on the Orgazmo song. Any Trey Parker/Matt Stone song fits the bill pretty well. Which reminds me of another good one: “Hey, how’s your news?”

    I can’t think of Suzanne Vega without getting “doo doo doo doo / doo doo doo doo / doo doo doo doo/ doo doo doo doo” stuck in my head. So, thanks for that, too. Must go have my head removed, now.

    Looks like there was a problem with the link, if anyone was trying to find it, our post was here:

    http://www.funkjelly.com/2009/06/10-worst-songs-to-lose-your-virginity.html

    Thanks again, and we look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Comment by Funk Jelly | June 26, 2009 | Reply

  9. “The countries of the world” by the Animaniacs.

    Comment by Cristal Methodd | June 26, 2009 | Reply


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