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Arrrrgh You Kidding Me?

Swedish Pirate Party, FTW!

ts-sweden

So big news from Sweden this week.  The Swedish Pirate Party, a party that wasn’t even in existence the last time European elections were held, secured 7% of the national vote in Sweden this week, enough to garner the party a seat in Parliament.

Swedish Pirates in Parliament, y’all!

Now before you go thinking these pirates are going to take to the high seas, and start stealing your IKEA furniture, just calm down.  The Swedish Pirate Party is more interested in online copyright issues, internet transparency, and opposing the enforcement of “the EU’s intellectual property (IP) enforcement directive, which demands that internet service ­providers turn over traffic data to copyright holders who are trying to track down filesharers.”

You know.  Napster and shit.

“Sweden is not alone in seeing political parties capitalise on public unrest at tighter controls on internet use. The German pirate party, Piratenpartei Deutschland, won close to 1% of the vote. The group failed to secure a parliamentary seat but passed the threshold for public funding. Registered “pirate parties” now exist in Austria, Denmark, Finland, Poland and Spain and groups are attempting to register as political parties in the UK and the US.”

Why, you may be asking?  Why are the Swedes so footloose and fancy-free that they have the time and luxury to concern themselves with free access to Al Gore’s Internet while we Americans are dyin’ ovah hee-ah under the weight of seemingly unsolvable social and economic issues?

Let’s find out what each country has going for it (checkmark = WIN):

Sweden:
Delicious pancakes with that lingonberry jelly stuff on top.

USA:
One word: IHOP.  They have not only Swedish pancakes, but also flapjacks, hotcakes, hot crossed buns, and peas porridge in the pot, nine days old.

Sweden:
Federal government mandates comprehensive sex education in schools, leading to very low teen pregnancy rates.

USA:
Federal government mandates “abstinence only” sex education in schools, resulting in late night purity ring removal and teen sex orgies videotaped for Myspace and YouTube; also, too many teenage baby mamas.

Sweden:
Fucking cold.  Everywhere.

USA:
Cold in some areas.  High temperatures and humidity reaching bastard levels in others.  I’m in Los Angeles where it’s more or less 75 degrees all year round.  It’s pretty nice, but I couldn’t get gay married even if I wanted to.  So there’s that.

Sweden:
Federal legalized gay marriage. Six out of seven political parties in Swedish parliament support it.  Probably no one gives a crap about the seventh party anyway.

USA:
Gay marriage a clusterfuck–18,000 gayly married couples in California; some in Iowa, Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire. Basically, if you want to get gay married, you have to move to a cold state, and hell, might as well just move to Sweden.

Sweden:
IKEA. ‘Nuff said.

USA:
Nothing even comes close to IKEA. You’ll love it at Levitz? Bitch, please.

Sweden:
Volvo.

USA:
Bankrupt car companies still pushing Buicks and Lincolns upon the American public.  Do you even know anyone who drives a Buick?

Sweden:
Free quality healthcare.

USA:
Expensive shitty healthcare unless you’re rich or a politician.

Sweden:
The cuisine. Cruise help me, the cuisine.  Fishballs, pickled herring, open faced sandwiches (smörgås) with pig fat and herrings and dirt on top. Rutabaga. Boiled anchovies with fish feet and cream.

USA:

Cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and apple pie.  Gardenburgers for you vegetarians.  Plus all the ethnic foods (hooray for immigration!) which are easily available in most cities.

So while we here in the US fret about racism, sexism, gay marriage, religious extremism, torture, war, the recession, the unemployment rate, abortion terrorists, psychopaths, idiots, and Darth Cheney, all the Swedes seem to want (since they’ve already got their free healthcare, extremely safe cars, and ubiquitous flat pack furniture) is free Hulu.

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June 11, 2009 - Posted by | News You May or May Not Use, Politiks, Wistful Lists | , , , , ,

14 Comments »

  1. Funny list, stm.

    Seriously though, it’s sad (outrageous, some might say) that corporations like Disney have managed to get already-generous intellectual property laws redrawn to be even more generous for them. That’s what people are rebelling against.

    Less serious: Personally, I’ll take real Swedish pancakes and toppings over the fake IHOP stuff any day.

    Comment by Run-DMS | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  2. I went to Ikea a few weeks ago and bought, among other things, meatballs and lingonberry jam. That shit is delish!

    Also, to agree with Run-DMS – it is so fucking absurd that they used Sonny Bono skiing into a tree to help with their cause. Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extention Act, my ass.

    My cert paper was about the hypothetical repeal of the CTEA. Good stuff.

    Comment by HolyChow | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  3. I feel like hockey players should figure in somewhere. I’m not sure what country though because they are born in Sweden and then come here and join the Red Wings. They are most definitely a plus though.

    Comment by oilybohunk7 | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  4. Even the Swedes aren’t safe from the swine flu.

    Comment by Cristal Methodd | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  5. I have to agree with oilybohunk. Henrik Zetterberg = GOOGLE HIM. He’s like a cross between Jared Leto and Ryan Gosling.

    Also, I have to respectfully disagree with the temperature thing. Swedish summers average between 68 and 75 degrees. And uh, hello Swedish meatballs > IHOP.

    Comment by Mae | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  6. Jonathan Coulton wrote a song about Ikea. That’s how awesome it is.

    That being said, wth is a lingonberry?

    Comment by TheHobo | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  7. Lingonberry, dude. It’s a berry. It’s delicious. Like an olallieberry. Not like a crunchberry. What else ya need to know?

    Comment by WhoMee | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  8. Does it have seeds? Or what about a weird skin that gets stuck on your teeth like blueberries?

    What does it taste like?

    What does it look like?

    This is a real berry? Really?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lingonberry

    Never mind.

    Comment by TheHobo | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  9. Fish feet? It sounds like munching on a tadpole, an evolutionary anomaly, or the result of mad pesticides in the lake. No thanks.

    But if we bring the gardenburger to Sweden, I’m sold.

    Comment by Stay, see? | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  10. Ah Mae I share your love of Hank. I have his jersey, I stalked him at the last game I went to (i.e., went down to the glass during warmups and took a million of pictures of him).

    Comment by oilybohunk7 | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  11. Hate to spoil it for you hags, but in that photo Zetterberg looks a lot like crazy Stephen Baldwin.

    Comment by Run-DMS | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  12. The whole article was good, but “fish feet” was the absolute best part, TMIMO.

    Comment by oneofthevoicesinmyhead | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  13. Nothing can spoil Henrik Zetterberg for me. Nothing.

    Comment by oilybohunk7 | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  14. I now have a theme for my Halloween party: Piratenpartei! Doesn’t matter what your costume is, as long as you bring your booty!

    Comment by Helen Skor | October 14, 2009 | Reply


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