uncollectedminds

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War on Weed

Oh for the love of Cheech, just legalize it already.

ts-weed-cigarettesA new poll shows that the majority of Americans are in favor of legalizing and then taxing and regulating marijuana.  Now a bunch of politicians are going to talk and debate and wring their hands about it.  Some people are going to be all, “Yeah, 4/20, dude!” and other people are going to be all, “It’s a gateway drug!  Marijuana on 4/20, heroin on 4/21!  It’s inevitable!” and some other people are going to be all, “Think of the children!” and the potheads will be all, “Screw that, man, smoke the children!”

Well, to end the debate once and for all, Thundersquee! presents to you some facts about marijuana:

  • A lot of people smoke it.
  • A lot of people who claim they never have smoked it really have smoked it.
  • It has many medicinal purposes.
  • It’s good for you.
  • If you smoke weed, you will probably be elected President.
  • No one ever got high and beat his wife.
  • If you smoke weed, you’ll probably forget to pay your taxes.
  • It is virtually impossible to drive at a speed greater than 45 MPH while “on weed.”
  • If you smoke weed, you’ll probably win a bunch of gold medals at the Olympics.
  • People are going to smoke it no matter what, so might has well tax that shit and make some money off it.

These “facts” may or may not have been pulled directly from my own ass, but hey, they sound scientific which means I win.

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June 8, 2009 - Posted by | Culture Critic, Politiks | , , ,

20 Comments »

  1. Also, by legalizing it we can keep our kids from smoking that seedy dirt weed.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  2. “Some people are going to be all, “Yeah, 4/20, dude!” and other people are going to be all, “It’s a gateway drug! Marijuana on 4/20, heroin on 4/21! It’s inevitable!” and some other people are going to be all, “Think of the children!” and the potheads will be all, “Screw that, man, smoke the children!”

    * * * * * * * *
    When Utah legalizes gay pluralistic marriage, will you move there with us and become our wife?

    Look, there’s a lot of benefits that I’m offering:

    *My husband is really good at fixing and building things- no more worrying if the mechanic or plumber is trying to rip you off b/c you have ovaries.
    *I’m a decent seamstress, so I can hem pants and skirts, etc. for free.
    *When the crazy peoples piss you off too much and you’re driven to homicide, the SeaCannibal will dispose of the evidence.
    *The SeaKitten hasn’t displayed any particular skills yet, but I’m sure there will be something. Stay tuned for updates.

    Actually, come to think of it: Let’s all move there and live in a giant ThunderSquee commune. We can build a cage out in the badlands and hold ACTUAL Thunderdomes. Again, the SeaCannibal will come in handy!

    Will all of you, Squeers, do us the honor of becoming our spouses? Just as soon as the Mormons support gay marriage?

    Comment by SeaKat | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  3. Count me in, SeaKat!!

    Comment by Helen Skor | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  4. Especially if there is weed.

    Comment by Helen Skor | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  5. ooh, can i be party to this engagement? i have a lot i can offer a commune. i have a closet full of fabulous shoes, a panache for baking decadent desserts and a musician who’s always up for adventure-i’m sure he’d want in.

    plus, i have a pet for SeaCannibal. one of my hermit crabs ate his crabitat-mate, so she can have it as a pet/housewarming gift!

    Comment by karisitah | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  6. I DO.

    someone has finally made an “honest” woman out of me.

    Comment by stopthemadness | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  7. Commune squee!

    Comment by Stay, see? | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  8. If it’s good enough for the Nederlands it should be good enough for us. Right?

    Comment by cookiebees | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  9. STM–the first thing my mom said when I told her I was engaged was (and I quote), “Wow. So some guys do buy the cow, huh?”

    Really. It’s awesome to be honest.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  10. karistah: You’re in! You’re all in! It’s a Squee-for-all!

    Chelsea, that’s hiLARious.

    You reminded me of a similar story I had totally forgotten:
    My very, VERY catholic mother used to ask me during phone calls home from college if I was “still pure.” I used to lie, but eventually got tired of it. When I told her that I was going to be at my boyfriend’s (now husband) room that night, she said snarkily that she assumed I’d be spending the evening praying. I swear, the devil took over and I responded: “Well, I’m sure I’ll be on my knees.”

    Dead silence.

    On the bright side, she never asked me about my virginity again!! 🙂

    Comment by SeaKat | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  11. Oh amazing SeaKat! Makes me happy I have pretty liberal parents who think you can just make fun of anything.

    And to send it back to your court, your story reminds me…My mom goes by her initials because she doesn’t like her first name. Lets just say I learned early on what a BJ was. Classy mom. Classy. And thanks for working in my high school.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  12. AAAAhahahah!! AWEsome, Chelsea!

    We had a girl with the last name of “Hickey” and one with the last name of “Seman”. I’m sure you can imagine the amazing amoung of abuse they withstood. (Luckily, both were fairly popular, so it never got as bad as it could have.)

    Comment by SeaKat | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  13. My friends the Munchers didn’t fare so well.

    SeaKat I’m totally in awe of how you stood up to your mother like that. Ka-dooz to you.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  14. SeaKatI too am in awe.

    Also, can I join the commune?

    I can tutor the kids, and…

    I’m sure I have other skills. I’ll think of some and post back later…

    Comment by TheHobo | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  15. It’s the one and only time, I’m sad to say.

    I’m kind of a weenie. I’m queen of the “Oh, I SHOULD have said ____ !”

    Luckily, my mom is even more conflict-averse than I am, so she tends to drop stuff after anyone pushes back even a little bit. Well, lucky for my teen self. Not so lucky for mom’s general sense of esteem and happiness, probably. 😦

    Comment by SeaKat | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  16. I went to college with a girl (unfortunately) named Aunda Wang. Sound it out — On-da Wang.

    May God strike me down if I’m lying.

    Comment by shu_shu | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  17. We had Kristy and Kevin Butt, who were also known as Krusty and Kave-In Butt. We thought we were so witty. Sadly, they were both really nice people who took (and presumably still are taking) a lot of abuse.

    Comment by Helen Skor | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  18. I like to cook and clean. I don’t like doing laundry so if someone is willing to wash clothes, I can make jumbalaya for dinner and red velvet cake for desert.

    Comment by blah | June 9, 2009 | Reply

  19. blah: I’m in!

    Comment by oneofthevoicesinmyhead | June 9, 2009 | Reply

  20. I’m good at making sure there’s booze, did anyone already call that?

    Comment by baby fish mouth | June 9, 2009 | Reply


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