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Heidi Montag-Pratt-Douchebag Hospitalized

Spencer’s first question, “Do they have real doctors in Costa Rica?”

Still enjoying your misery, Heidi.

Still enjoying your misery, Heidi.

Heidi was taken to a Costa Rican hospital on Saturday complaining of abdominal pain. The way I see it there are three thing’s that could be happening here.

One, Heidi and Spence are cooking this up because they know it’s a good way to get off I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. They had already quit about a dozen times in the first two days of the show.  On Thursday’s show it was revealed that their fate was in the hands of the other celebrities as to if they would be let back into camp. NBC may want them back for the ratings but a lot of the other celebrities have had it with their BS. So they may be using this as a way to save face.

Two, Heidi was pleasuring [sic] Spencer orally [sicker] and forgot to spit. Lets be honest, Spencer’s semen is concentrated douchieness. A pop shot from him is like douche-asshatary essence. If you put his spunk under a microscope do you know what you would see? Millions of little flesh-bearded a-holes all ready to start calling themselves the white Jay Z. When you think about it, it’s a miracle Heidi hasn’t ended up in the hospital before now.

And three, our last possible explanation. SWINE FLU!!! A little over a month ago I wrote an open letter to the pig nation. Today they may have responded. We shall have to wait and see if it is, in fact, swine flu, but for right now I am encouraged. My offer was to stop eating pork for six months if they would infect both Heidi and Spencer. It looks like they may have only gotten Heidi and missed Spencer. I’m a reasonable man. So, pigs,  if you only got one of them, I will amend my deal and not eat of your flesh for three months, as a sign of my respect for your effort.

My best guess is it’s going to be a combination of one and three. Heidi and Spencer will say it’s number three, but it’s really number one.  They don’t want to be there and have been looking for an out ever since they got off the plane. This gives them the perfect out. They can claim they REALLY wanted to make a go of it, but gosh darn it Heidi got sick and Spencer being the good husband had to go with her to care for his wife. Unless the doctors cut some sort of parasite out of Heidi’s belly and show it squirming on TV I’m calling this bullshit.

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June 8, 2009 - Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , ,

8 Comments »

  1. TEAM SWINE FLU!!!

    Comment by SeaKat | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  2. Possibility #4: She’s preggers.

    In trots the fourth horseman of the apocalypse.

    Comment by Helen Skor | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  3. She supposedly has a gastric ulcer. Can you get those in 3 days (the time Speidi says they were locked up for)? I think not. I read they were in there for maybe 8-14 hours. Not enough to starve someone to death or give them ulcers, unless she already had them to begin with. I call bullshit!!! And she is really fug without the make-up!

    Comment by TT2 | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  4. How can leaving someone in a room for 8 hours with beans, rice, and water be torture? That sorta sounds like an office job with lunch.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  5. So I read an article about this nonsense (feel free to judge me, this is like my rock bottom) and I’m really pissed at what I read:

    “ITV has been producing this format around the world for many years and the health of the celebrity participants are of the utmost importance. A medic and a doctor are present at the location at all times for all participants. All allegations of the celebrities being deprived of food and water are completely untrue.”

    “According to Access’ source, at no time were the Pratts in any danger or facing life-threatening situations.”

    Why weren’t they in danger? Why is the health of people like the Pratts’ important? Dammit ITV, I expected a beheading!

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  6. Speaking of torture, can you imagine being locked in a room with Spencer for 8 hours? Montag’s lack of personality notwithstanding, I think being trapped in a confined space with Spencer would be more than enough to make my internal organs want to exit my corpus. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with her. Her brain didn’t quite understand what was going on, so her body took over and tried to put itself out of misery.

    Comment by karisitah | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  7. I feel we need to call Dr. Kavorkean on this one. It’s for our, I mean, her, own good.

    Comment by cookiebees | June 8, 2009 | Reply

  8. karisitah, you’re right. But I think that each of them is so self absorbed that they don’t really know the other one is in the room unless there’s a photo op. I want to jump off a cliff just looking at their faces. And, apparently, Heidi thinks she’s dying. If only…

    Comment by TT2 | June 8, 2009 | Reply


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