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Leave Footloose Alone!!!

Chasing Bacon

footlooseEver since I heard they were remaking this movie full of greatness, I’ve been sad, but then I forgot all about it and thought Hollywood had, too. But, it seems my celebrations were too early. Chace Crawford, who’s too pretty for words, shall be the new Kevin Bacon. Originally Zac Ephron was cast but dropped out and they just substituted Zac Ephron part deaux in the role. I had trouble telling them apart. Next up they can do the male version of The Patty Duke Show. I’ll let them dance fight over who gets to be on top.

Chace Crawford, you hear me now. You are no Kevin Bacon, SIR! Do you think that you can dance angry in a warehouse drinking beer and mentally envisioning a montage like Mr. Bacon? You think you can do knee slides, spins, and high kicks with his tenacity? I highly doubt it, small fry. He was the male Jennifer Beals of his time. No other guy from the 80’s can say that.

The most awesome warehouse dancing scene ever:


This movie also contains one of my most loved movie lines. “You ever been busted for bopping?”

I think we can do better than this. Who would you put in this film? Not Burt Reynolds. I know that may seem random but I saw him on TV the other day and I was scared.

Kevin Bacon Ren McCormack
Lori Singer Ariel Moore
John Lithgow Reverend Shaw Moore
Dianne Wiest Vi Moore
Chris Penn Willard Hewitt (as Christopher Penn)
Sarah Jessica Parker Rusty
John Laughlin Woody
Elizabeth Gorcey Wendy Jo
Frances Lee McCain Ethel McCormack
Jim Youngs Chuck Cranston
Douglas Dirkson Burlington Cranston
Lynne Marta Lulu Warnicker
Arthur Rosenberg Wes Warnicker
Timothy Scott Andy Beamis
Alan Haufrect Coach Roger Dunbar

May 25, 2009 - Posted by | Daily Whims, Movie Marquis | , , , ,


  1. Zac had to drop out of production when I tied him up in my basement.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  2. Bwah!!

    Comment by shu_shu | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  3. Dear Hollywood:

    Look, the 80s were a special time, and sure we’re all nostalgic now and wearing (some of us who apparently don’t know better) leggings under everything (soon with stirrups!), and hoop earrings never really went out of style, but we’ve moved on. The next generation just isn’t going to understand about the red boots, or the warehouse, or why the angsty hot dude is dancing to that song from Shrek.

    John Lithgow does comedy now. Sarah Jessica Parker has her own rebel dance movie (also from the 80s) and is about to become the mother of surrogate-ly gestated twins. She married Ferris, and all he seems to have are days off since no one’s seen him in anything since The Cable Guy (and we wish we hadn’t seen him in that).

    Let the 80s go, Hollywood. No good is gonna come from this. Because I can just how this will go: the teenyboppers will flock to any movie that has dancing and tween-stars in it (especially if they are sparkling), so you’ll think to yourselves, selves, wasn’t there another dance movie in the 80s? And then you’ll be stuck trying to figure out what a modern-version of a steel mill is (because the kids don’t know about things like factories), and then after that, you’ll go after Dirty Dancing (beyond the horrible Havana Nights sequel, and really Hollywood? I’m still mad about that.)

    And let’s face it, no one from this generation is gonna understand a time when doctors had black bags and abortions were illegal. People don’t watch period pieces unless they have Kiera Knightly wearing a corset in them.

    Stop it Hollywood–because I swear to Cruise if you ever go so far as to even think about going after Goonies, I will personally brick every single one of you in the face.

    I’m sure Stephanie Miller is writing another book–go turn that into a merchandise monster. Leave my childhood alone!


    One Seriously Pissed off Hobo

    Comment by TheHobo | May 26, 2009 | Reply

  4. And I want to protect Flashdance at all costs. They’d end up changing it to something lame. Clerk at Forever 21 by day and hooker by night.

    Comment by cookiebees | May 28, 2009 | Reply

  5. Telemarketer who dreams of becoming one of the “professionals” on Dancing w/the Stars.

    Comment by SeaKat | May 28, 2009 | Reply

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