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Attention Menfolk!

Your Penises Are NOT Playthingsts-penis-puppet

OK, sometimes they are, but for the love of Cruise, don’t use your penis as a puppet.  If you do, you could end up in jail where it won’t be only YOU using your penis as a plaything, ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.

A 44-year-old man in Washington came up with some cockeyed scheme to have his johnson star in a puppet troupe. (Members only!)  Acccording to Seattlepi.com:

The police report of the incident said Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, of Auburn, Wash., was arrested after residents of the Arcadia Apartment Complex in Federal Way called police at about 10:30 a.m. May 13 and reported a man standing over an air conditioner intake wearing only an unbuttoned flannel shirt and “was apparently manipulating” his penis with a string “like a puppet.”

When he was arrested, Martin still had the string attached to his schlong.  Despite presumable attempts to provide some cockamamie reason for his antics, Martin was arrested and charged under the state’s felony indecent exposure statute.  Apparently, this wasn’t Martin’s first pervy penile puppet performance.

What a tool.



May 25, 2009 - Posted by | Criminally Stupid, News You May or May Not Use | , ,


  1. You have heard of Puppetry of the Penis, haven’t you?

    Comment by Run-DMS | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  2. Penis pun-tastic!

    Oh Washingtonians? Why do you do it? (This is the same state that can, if it was insane and wanted to, boast that one of its citizens died trying to get a horse to have sex with it. Yes, the horse, having sex with the man. He and his partner in crime built a device to supposedly help make this happen. To quote “The Sweetest Thing” “it’s too big to fit there.” Like, literally. Dude died! Sigh.)

    Comment by TheHobo | May 26, 2009 | Reply

  3. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! This gives me ideas for new penile parlour tricks, not to mention testing the limits of my friendships… too funny STM!

    Comment by drgnsldr | May 26, 2009 | Reply

  4. What? I don’t even HAVE a penis. Where would I keep it under this giant tail?

    OH nevermind, I thought you said attention merfolk. Carry on.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | May 26, 2009 | Reply

  5. bfm: AAAhahahaha!! Ariel, you hot, tranny mess.

    Comment by SeaKat | May 26, 2009 | Reply

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