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Marie Osmond Loves Her Dead Gay Daughter

OK, her daughter isn’t dead; I’ve just been watching Heathers

Marie Osmond has spoken out about her daughter Jessica being a lesbian.

marie-osmond-wm01“I love my daughter! She’s my baby girl, come on. So what if she’s gay? She’s my daughter and she’s an amazing woman and a good kid. I raised her, she better be good. I think it’s sad when we have to separate something from society. Whether it’s, ‘Oh you’re Jewish,’ and then it was ‘Oh you’re a Mormon,’ or ‘Oh you’re gay.’ I love real people. A lot of women out there have gay children. Who cares? I want love. I’m a Christian and Christ loved everybody.”

If Marie Osmond is all right with gay people I think that just about negates all the anti-gay rights groups out there. Marie is a Mormon AND freaking Osmond, for Busey’s sake. The Osmonds are the whitest, most wholesome people who have ever walked the earth.  It’s that combination that is going to save us all from the Hulu aliens.


When the day comes, all fifty-seven billion Osmonds will join hands and encircle the earth. The Hulu aliens will look on in fear as the Osmonds all smile and bathe the world in their toothy, white goodness. Don’t believe me? Check out this medley from the Donnie and Marie show. That kind of whiteness doesn’t grow dingy with age.

The Hulu aliens don’t stand a chance.


May 22, 2009 - Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans | , , , , , ,


  1. Here’s a tip if you’re one of the Osmonds nobody gives a shit about — sign your name legibly. It’s the only way anyone will know your name. Trust.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | May 22, 2009 | Reply

  2. I love the Hulu Aliens. Almost as much as Marie loves her (not)dead gay daughter!

    Comment by TheHobo | May 22, 2009 | Reply

  3. By the way, love the Heathers shout out 🙂

    Comment by TheHobo | May 22, 2009 | Reply

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