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Time Rewind

I’m a perm in a bottle, baby.

kyliepermNot all rewinds hold happy memories. You know what I’m talking about. Sometimes the bell-bottoms we wore so proudly a few decades ago make us cringe when we see the pictures now. How could we have believed that a super baggy sweater worn with a chunky belt would make us look skinny? Where did our brains go? Where they cooked during those 3 minutes it took to make those super cool Shrinky Dinks?

So with that we shall go back. Back to a time when we all wanted lush flowing tendrils like Rapunzel and to be able to go to bed and wake up with with curls so perfect it would make Jennifer Howard weep (stupid cow with her long, curly hair)–back to The Decade of the Perm. A decade of bangs so magnificent not even Greek Gods could ignore their splendor.

722984There were prices to be paid for trying to “improve” what genetics had dealt us. We destroyed the ozone layer and gave ourselves repetitive stress injuries from all the spraying and back combing, but still we forged on so we didn’t have to endure the shame that was small hair–Or at least we tried. I myself was born with super straight hair. I could never get curl to stay no matter how hard I tried. No amount of spray could keep a curl from falling. I could barely get a decent feather. My dreams of being the next of Charlie’s Angels was fading fast. I would never get to be a guest star on The Love Boat or Fantasy Island with this hideous hair.

2057050202_46bb1ec73a_oDon’t deny it. You know you too wanted to be one of the girls Jack Tripper took out for a beer at the Regal Beagle. You know what those girls all had in common? AWESOMELY FEATHERED HAIR. Even the men had feathered hair, for instance Chachi from Happy Days and Joanie loves Chachi, that Gary Sandy guy on WKRP In Cincinnati and Gopher on The Love Boat. Feathers, feathers, feathers, but no feathers for me. I was dying of thirst and nobody would give me a drink.

That is, until the day my mother finally agreed to let me get a perm. I mean, seriously, my cousin was getting them. She always gets to do stuff I never do, MOM. I’m still bitter that I always got her hand me downs. Gahhhhh. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. I was only 11 so I really didn’t have much excitement in my life. So, aside from getting my Barbie Dream House. This was pretty freaking awesome.

heatherAs I lay there whilst they doused my hair in chemicals that smelled so bad they made me choke, I silently dreamed about getting a really cool hair pick to use to keep my awe inspiring new curls nice and fluffy. And…voila! I looked like a poodle and smelled like egg farts. Plus, I couldn’t wash my hair for two days. It looked less like Heather Locklear and more like Jon Bon Jovi.  Fortunately, at some point the perm calms down, but I still never managed super sweet feathers in my hair.

I did, however, learn an important lesson about perming your hair. Don’t do it! After a series of hair color mistakes, I decided to throw a perm on my hair, too. You know…like a cherry on a sundae, and how weird because my hair looked just like a cherry on top of a sundae after that. Actually, it was more orange than red. My mother enjoyed calling me, Broomhilda. I assume that’s some hideous witch with straw orange hair. It not only looked like straw, it felt like it too. As if that weren’t bad enough, it then started to fall out in certain places. The joy, the joy, the hotness!

I don’t seem to have any pictures of this period in my life. I couldn’t let there be any photographic evidence of this hair disaster out there. So please, dear readers. Share with me your tales of hair disasters. After sharing this I feel I must drink the pain away.


May 21, 2009 - Posted by | Daily Whims | , , , ,


  1. You know what else Gary Sandy from WKRP IN CINCINATTI had?

    Male Camel Toe.

    Comment by queencrone | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  2. My one and only perm was when I was about 13. When it was finished my mom’s friend said I looked like Cher and I cried for days.

    Comment by Cristal Methodd | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  3. Be glad you dont have pictures from that time. My parents unfortunately have kept all the pictures from that time and I see them now with the Ogilvie perm in my hair and looks like I have a fern on my head.

    Comment by cooter jean | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  4. So, my hair started out red and curly when I was a baby. And then it all fell out and came back red with more brown in it, coarse and straight. I too, in junior high, begged for a perm. And got one. It was the “spiral” perm, and I must have gotten like three in a row, the worst one in 8th grade when I also cut my hair really short, like well above the shoulders short, and was called little orphan Annie.

    And then I stopped getting my hair permed. But it stayed curly anyway.

    I have no idea why. Apparently that last perm really kept or something, because to this day I have spiral curls falling from the top of my head. More brown than red, but still…

    And now I straighten it with a flat iron when I want to look sexy…


    Comment by TheHobo | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  5. I really miss tight pants on men.

    I have never got used to that style where the waist-part is down at their knees.

    Yes, you can see butt-crack, and I’m not knocking that.

    I just long for the good old days when you could tell a man’s religion by surveying his package.

    I like to be able to see what I’m getting myself into.

    Comment by queencrone | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  6. lol @ qc

    Comment by WhoMee | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  7. I agree with you to a point, QC. I enjoy a little snugness but it should stop short of the moose knuckle.

    Comment by cookiebees | May 22, 2009 | Reply

  8. Moose knuckle.


    Do they have special panties, er, boxers for that? 😉

    Comment by TheHobo | May 22, 2009 | Reply

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