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It’s a Nice Day for a White Trash Wedding

Prepare Yourself for KLASS out the Ass


Sixteen-year-old daddy’s girl Missy Quinn wanted to get married to her seventeen-year-old boyfriend, so her father Simon gave her a £100,000 white wedding fit for a Rock of Love gutter slut.

According to Daily Mail, Missy’s wedding dress cost £16,000 and was studded with Swarovski crystals and had a 10 foot wide train. When she arrived at the church in a Rolls-Royce Phantom, it took ten guests to help her out of the car due to the weight of the dress and train.

“It was huge. I wanted to outdo everyone else’s wedding dress,” Missy said.

“It was extremely heavy and just standing in the church was really difficult. But despite all that, I felt just like Cinderella.”

Simon Quinn lives in a caravan (RV) and surfaces driveways for a living, but was more than happy to blow £100,000 on his little girl. Simon and his wife Theresa gave the bride and groom their very own caravan as a wedding present. The couple will move in after they get back from their honeymoon in Turkey.

Now don’t go thinking the klassiness ended with the bride and her family. Wedding guest Victoria Docherty, who wore a £700 hot-pants and bra outfit, said:

“This isn’t unusual – it’s just what we do at weddings. It’s all very extravagant. Everything is paid for by the bride’s daddy.”

After the ceremony, guests in feathers and crystals enjoyed champagne and an all-day buffet at the reception. Girls as young as nine showed off bikini tops, high heels and make-up. I wonder how many people caught the clap from the punch bowl? I’m guessing at least two.

ts-wedding-trashIn the photo are Missy’s mother, Theresa, her new husband, Thomas and her father, Simon. Judging by the photo either Theresa had Missy when she was three-years-old, or there are some outstanding plastic surgeons in the United Kingdom.

Clearly, there is good money to be made surfacing driveways in the U.K. Simon had enough money to pay for his wife’s monster jugs and his princesses wedding. Hopefully he will be able to get Thomas in on the action because he is going to need to bring in some money to support his new wife. You see, Missy left school when she was nine years old and hasn’t looked back. Don’t worry though; she plans on having a career as a glamour model.

I used to manage a one-hour photo lab in a Target store. One day, there was a group of teenage girls in the store, and one of them was pregnant. The girl was probably fifteen at most. Her friends were all telling her how lucky she was because, and I quote, “Now that you’re going to have a baby you got it made.”

Missy Quinn reminds me of those girls.


May 20, 2009 - Posted by | Culture Critic, News You May or May Not Use, What the Crap!? | , ,


  1. A coworker sent this story to me a while back. I just about snorted when I read it. It’s unbelievable and sad at the same time. By glamour model, does she mean for “Hustler”? This is like what happens when you make your daughter compete in Little Miss Princess beauty pageants.

    Comment by TT2 | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  2. I think it’s time for the Real Housewives of the UK.

    I want to watch this wedding and reception soooo bad!

    Comment by queencrone | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  3. We hsould all remember that these numbers are in British pounds. In US dollars…? ::shudder::

    Comment by SeaKat | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  4. I’m still looking for the words but I can’t quite find any. I mean, REALLY! Her life long dreams was to get married looking like an extra for a Billy Idol video? I need to get going on my daughter because she all of 10 years old and doesn’t wear hot pants or tube tops. I’ve failed as a mother.

    Comment by cookiebees | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  5. It fills me with American pride to know that the NJ line beard had the fortitude to cross a river, ford a tidal straight and sail over an ocean to land on England’s rocky shores.

    Also, it appears that glamor models look a lot older and um, useder in the UK?

    Comment by HolyChow | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  6. Pardon, glamoUr.

    Comment by HolyChow | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  7. I must have the wrond dictionary. My definition of glamour is all ass backwards

    Comment by cookiebees | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  8. Cookiebees, instead of ‘ass backwards’ these folks define glamoUr as ‘ass hangin out’.

    Comment by SeaKat | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  9. if they saw my ass it would be more of a nightmare. Just wait till she has 4 babies

    Comment by cookiebees | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  10. I’m sorry…I must have missed something. Her father does what for a living? Oh, he resurfaces driveways. Okay, so I did hear that right.

    Well, I guess that makes sense on why the Missus looks so “fresh.” When you are married to a guy who takes things that are old, worn-down, and literally rode hard, you might expect some of that magic to rub off.

    Comment by shu_shu | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  11. shu_shu:


    ::wipes tears::

    HAHAHAHHA!!! ::snort::

    What’s that I smell??

    ::sniff! sniff!!::

    Yup, that’s a Commie, right thar.

    Comment by SeaKat | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  12. LOL…I agree…commie ova’ here!

    Also, did I read the post correctly? Her parents live in a caravan? Isn’t that the same as a mobile home? That’s very galmoUrUs.

    Comment by randoUm | May 20, 2009 | Reply

  13. In the US, these people would be called “Travelers.” They are basically the type of people who go around the country bilking old people out of fortunes for repairs that are never done or are done improperly. They are modern day gypsies. They are a very insular community, and it’s not at all uncommon for the girls to get married very, very young.

    That is your anthropology lesson for the day. Make sure you read chapters 14-16 before next week’s class. There WILL be a quiz.

    Comment by Helen Skor | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  14. I saw a 20/20 type show about them. 90% had red hair and they seemed to enjoy marrying their cousins. It’s all very children of the corn

    Comment by cookiebees | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  15. I think there was a Criminal Minds episode on them too. I mean the gypsies, not the freak show in the photo above.

    Comment by randoUm | May 21, 2009 | Reply

  16. Aw Seakat, I”m glad I could make you snort. I take that as the highest compliment!

    Comment by shu_shu | May 22, 2009 | Reply

  17. Ahhhh, I was hoping to find some real facts — maybe something the article missed or misquoted . . . like Simon’s profession or that a CATHOLIC church actually let this happen INSIDE their walls . . . but NO! and these folks are actually proud of this? Tell me one thing, if “Missy” hasn’t been to school since she was NINE, what has she been doing all this time??? And do tell, what does the “lad” do??? Dontcha think something else besides driveway resurfacing has been going on???

    Comment by Viki | June 11, 2009 | Reply

  18. Well, I think the bride’s fronts were resurfaced a bit – ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkyoudo.

    Comment by HolyChow | June 11, 2009 | Reply

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