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Angry Black Lady Chronicles

This Just In: People Are Idiots

ts-people-are-idiots1You know what? I’ve had it up to HERE (::lifts arm as high as she can which, sadly, is not very high as Angry Black Lady is practically a midget–sorry–little person::) with morons, idiots, and douchebags.

Idiocy is running rampant among the American population. Forget about swine flu. The worst that swine flu can do is kill you. Idiocy, on the other hand, is a seemingly airborne virus that is spreading from person to person, turning each of those persons into a moron, each more moronic than the last. Idiocy isn’t a disease that kills. Sadly, no. It is a disease that turns a nation of formerly intelligent individuals into a multiplying mass of moronic mouth-breathers.

Now what form of idiocy is most distressing to Angry Black Lady right now?

The idiots who throw around the term “freedom of speech” and “First Amendment” without having a clue what the fuck it is they are talking about.

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May 18, 2009 Posted by | Angry Black Lady Chronicles, Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Afternoon Squee!

Squee! of Squee!

Lily’s Cillian.  He’s got the spice!


Note: He’s working on his Jake-aroo imitation.

May 18, 2009 Posted by | Afternoon Squee! | | 6 Comments

Monday’s Music

Keep On Keeping On Edition

Listen, 2008 sucked. No reason to dance about the subject. You know what? 2009 is starting to look up. Nevertheless, I think we need an anthem to carry us into December. 2010 will be great, then two years of partying until the Pokkyclipse, y’all!


May 18, 2009 Posted by | Monday\'s Music | , | 6 Comments

Two-Eyed Snake Bites One-Eyed Snake

Rats not the only reason to spot before you squat

clearing-a-clogged-toilet-with-a-snake1We really don’t know shit about snakes do we? First they are hauling people up trees,  then escaping on planes,  and now they are biting genitalia. A 51-year-old Taiwanese man was sitting down for some leisurely relief when he got his bits nipped by some snake with boundary issues. He reacted by standing up (as one would) and, “when he looked down, he saw the big snake,” the China Times reported. “After that he saw the reptile,” added the 12-year-old in my head.

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May 18, 2009 Posted by | News You May or May Not Use, What the Crap!? | , , , , , | 3 Comments

Liar! Liar!! Pageant Gown on FIRE!!!

Carrie Prejean keeps her crown

carrie_3_fullLast week, Donald Trump decided to let Miss California Carrie Prejean keep her crown, despite the new topless photos which were recently released.  The Donald had the following to say on the matter:

“Carrie will remain Miss California. We reviewed the pictures very carefully. We are in the 21st century. … Carrie’s a model, she’s very successful. We have determined that the pictures taken are fine. So we’ve made a determination that everything we’ve seen to this date that she’s done. Some were beautiful, some were risqué. We’re in the 21-century. We’ve determined the pictures taken were acceptable, fine, and in many cases they were very lovely pictures.”

Photographer Dominic Petruzzi took the newly-released photos. Prejean claims that the photos which exposed her breasts were taken between the real shot she was posing for, and that it was the wind’s fault that her lady humps were exposed. She claims to be appalled that the photographer violated her trust and released the images.

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May 18, 2009 Posted by | Culture Critic, Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments


Life in 5,7,5

We at Thundersquee! can’t help but be indignant at the inequities of the poetic form when it comes to expressing the more low brow moments in life. So, to help even the field we offer you Lowku. The game and aim are simple. Twice a week we’ll display an image of one of life’s more “WTF?” moments, and your mission is to carefully select words that add up to 17 syllables and string them together in 5,7,5 form in order to describe said image or tell its story. Each Monday and Wednesday the winners of the previous challenge will be announced and a new image will be posted to ignite the next round of genius.

Check out this round’s winners:

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May 18, 2009 Posted by | Lowku | , , , | 6 Comments

One Last Burrito

Sometimes when you’re on the run, you just gotsta stop for some Taco Bell


36 year-old Jermaine Askia Cooper led Indiana police on a 90 mph high-speed chase, but was nabbed when he stopped for some Taco Bell.  Police arrested his burrito-craving ass in the parking lot.

Cooper told the police that he “knew he was going to jail for a while” and wanted to get one last burrito.

The police said he never got that burrito.  Instead he was held without bail on four counts of dealing cocaine, one count of resisting arrest by fleeing and one count of being an asshat.


(Thanks to Addicted to Addition for the tip!)

May 18, 2009 Posted by | Criminally Stupid, News You May or May Not Use | , , , | 5 Comments

Fun with Headlines

Afghan Edition

Real headlines, real stupid. Make web-based news a worthy endeavor and complete the thought (add on to the headline).


…but an afternoon dip in wine sounds about right.

May 18, 2009 Posted by | Fun with Headlines | , , | 5 Comments


In which Gwyneth brings the noise, AND the funk.

gwynethdancing2-1-1Have you always wondered what kind of new, hip, insider-y music celebrities have access to? You’d think with all their money and free time, they’d have the ability to keep up with the latest trends in the music industry. This should be especially true in Gwyneth’s case. Now, Gwyneth sucks, but she’s married to Chris Martin from Coldplay (who also kind of sucks). Nonetheless, you’d think this “in” with the music industry would give her access to a fresh, new playlist full of undiscovered gems.

So, in the spirit of sharing her vast wealth of musical knowledge with you, this week’s GOOP presents several playlists developed by Gwyneth and her music insider friends. The playlists, entitled “Party Jams”, are intended to set your dance floors, and souls, on fire.

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May 18, 2009 Posted by | GOOPing | , , | 2 Comments

Random Drunk Emission

Sci-fi Editionts-scifi

I’m a sucker for a good sci-fi movie or show. I can’t help it. I know it makes me a dork, but it’s like witnessing a car crash.  I just can’t look away. I’ve had a sick obsession with Dr. Who for awhile now. I’ve seen every episode but I keep watching them over and over. Today I found myself watching Aliens for the eleventy-billionth time. Anything that has to do with outer space or aliens will do really. I hate the series Star Trek, but I saw the movie and now I can’t get it out of my head. The movie was freaking amazing. I often wonder what my life would be like if these things weren’t fiction but, in fact, reality. Would I be happy living through these events?  Would I be scared and confused? There’s something oddly romantic and fascinating about the unknown, and the dreamer inside me loves the idea that someday the impossible could be possible. I’ll pass on the tin foil hat–I want to be aware when the impossible becomes possible.

May 18, 2009 Posted by | Random Drunk Emissions | , | 13 Comments