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Mammarian Grammarian Edition

Ye asked, and ye shall receive! This week’s Thunderdome!!! pits self-proclaimed busty genius Megan Fox vs. self-proclaimed busty genius Scarlett Johansson. This match has been due ever since Fox publicly laid the smack down in Elle Magazine, accusing Scarlett of using “fancy SAT soundin’ word things.”


Far be it from Thundersquee! to assume that beauty and intelligence are mutually exclusive. There are several women in Hollywood who are pleasing to the eyes, the ears, and the grey matter. But do these two really fit the bill? Let’s see how these two stack up in the ‘Dome.


Scarlett Johansson vs. Megan Fox


Both Scarlett and Megan ended their formal education after high school, choosing instead to follow their movie careers. That means this category is kind of a bust, unless my attempts to get copies of their transcripts pans out. Neither school district has returned my calls, and attempts at cat burglary have been unsuccessful. But school is not the only measure of intelligence…

Male Counterpart

Ryan Reynolds vs. Brian Austin Green

Fox has yet to confirm any rumors that she and David Silver have called it quits, so for now, we’re assuming she’s still supporting dating him. If we’re looking at this as a measure of intelligence, it’s clear Scarlett is the winner. Given the option, any smart woman would choose Ryan “Bale” Reynolds over David “Donna Martin Graduates” Silver. 9 out of 10 Squee!ers agree, Reynolds is the hotness, and that equals an A+ for Scarlett.

Most Respected Film Role

Cristina (Vicki Cristina Barcelona) vs. Mikaela (Transformers)

It was actually difficult to choose Scarlett’s best role. I’m not exactly her biggest fan, but damn, the woman has made some good movies. The Horse Whisperer, Lost in Translation, Vicki Cristina Barcelona… any and all of these movies makes Transformers look like a used car commercial. If managing one’s career is an indication of intelligence, it looks like Scarlett comes out ahead here too.

Assholish tattoos

0 vs. 1 (at least)

Fox’s ridiculously annoying tattoo has cost her points in the Dome before, and it’s about to again. It’s just a really, really dumb tattoo: “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies.” I mean, I have a dumb tattoo, and even I am in awe of how obnoxious hers is. Scarlett has at least had the presence of mind to avoid permanently branding herself with any inane semi-quotes, so here again, she comes off as smarter.

It may have been Fox who started the battle, but Johansson emerges the victor here! It seems like she has just been more successful in life, so far. She’s married to Reynolds, working in critically-acclaimed films, and not permanently marked with Shakespeare misquotes. She must be doing something right.


May 15, 2009 - Posted by | Thunderdome! | , , ,


  1. WWHD?

    (What Would Hef Do?)

    Comment by queencrone | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  2. But what about the smug factor??

    TMIMO, that may be grounds for a Fox TKO.

    Comment by SeaKat | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  3. As stated on a previous post, the Ryan Reynolds factor seals the deal. Scarlett wins Thunderdome without so much as having to raise an eyebrow in disdain.

    Comment by Helen Skor | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  4. Scarlett gives me the willies because I just don’t think she’s pretty. Megan Fox makes me feel like I’ve just caught an STD.

    This is a tough call. I don’t think Scarlett stealing one of my favorite men is a point in her favor though. I like Megan Fox’s candor, even though it is all recycled and she says really ridiculous things.

    For me, it’s candor FTW, so Megan Fox.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  5. Ok. FINE. ScarJo>MegFo. But she’s still a smug bitch.

    Comment by SeaKat | May 15, 2009 | Reply


    I take it back! I take it back! BFM agrees with me!

    Comment by SeaKat | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  7. Oh Megan Fox, you
    Really, really gotta let
    Me hit that sometime.

    But don’t fret, Scarlett.
    When I’m done gettin’ all up
    in that, it’s your turn.

    (I’d also like to make a Natalie Portmanteau, if you know what I mean.)

    Comment by MC Poetry | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  8. I can’t say I know what you mean but is it legal? I may have done that in the past.

    Comment by cookiebees | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  9. Kudos, MC. And to round out the quartet:


    Comment by WhoMee | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  10. “The only way I’d like Scarlett Johannson is if she took her top off. And Megan Fox’s boobs are still better.” – Tom.

    Comment by Mae | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  11. MC Poetry > all those starlet hos

    Comment by SeaKat | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  12. natalie portmanteau!!…. HAHAHAHA i am blown away.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  13. In Scarlett’s defense…

    I’m pretty sure that if you are married to Ryan Reynolds and in a bajillion great movies you are entitled to be just a leetle smug. Just a skosh. I would be, anyway.

    Also, I agree that Megan Fox is “candid” but it doesn’t quite read as genuine. When she talks, it’s like a word salad of buzzwords filched from the “Women Who Hate Women Make My Vagina Want to Throw Things at Them” archive. TMIMO.

    So, Scarlett ftw. And not just because drunken shu_shu thinks that we look alike.

    PS: bfm…I never could put my finger on it, but YES! Looking at Megan Fox DOES make me feel like I caught an STD. I have the same reaction to Mariah Carey.

    Comment by shu_shu | May 15, 2009 | Reply

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