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Stalkers on the Rise

Are people more bored or just crazier?


Have you noticed an increased amount of stalker reports lately? From Jamie Foxx to sports guys, it seems everybody has some unstable person following their asses around these days. Let me take this opportunity to speak for all the people that have had some creepy asshole lurking in the shadows and watching their every move: WE DON’T LIKE YOU. If we liked you we would tell you. We certainly wouldn’t avoid your calls or run into oncoming traffic just to avoid you.

Do you see those people over there? Yeah, those people, the ones laughing and holding hands. Those people like each other. I threw a brick at you last time I saw you; that means I don’t like you. If someone calls the police every time they see you, maybe you should take the hint and find your crazy ass another object of affection. I hear there are some nice folks in the loony bin and it doesn’t cost any money to take them on a date because they aren’t allowed to go anywhere.


April 28, 2009 - Posted by | Culture Critic | ,


  1. That Geico Money Stack is getting on my last nerve.

    Comment by queencrone | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  2. The money stack bugs me, but it’s the gecko that makes my eye tick.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  3. I can take a hint. I will remove my camp from your bushes and spend my time sending dead bug cards that spell ‘I’m your biggest fan!’ to someone who really appreciates it..

    Comment by silent noodles | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. haha, my husband cut the geico money stack out of the paper and put it on our toilet the other day. 🙂

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  5. geico money stack? What?

    Comment by TheHobo | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  6. I fixed your link for you, Sarah. I hope you don’t mind. –Lily

    Comment by Sarah | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  7. Whoa! Sorry for the eleventy page link!
    (I had to google it, Hobo – I didn’t know either.)

    Comment by Sarah | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  8. I’ve been stalked by two crazy ex-boyfriends. I’m not sure whether I drive men insane (in a bad way) or if I just have really horrible taste.

    Comment by Helen Skor | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  9. C’mon now. Go easy on the stalkers. That’s been each of us a time or two in our lives. Seriously, who of us has not sat outside in our car peering into our ex’s window wondering what he’s doing and why he broke our poor defenseless heart?

    Comment by Cristal Methodd | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  10. I don’t stalk…I pull surveillance.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  11. If surveillance includes hairdolls it is no longer “surveillance”…

    Comment by silent noodles | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  12. I worked the front desk at four diamond hotel in a city that has a high population of loons. There was a woman named Cheryl who was obsessed with George Clooney and was convinced he was staying there (this is Kalamazoo, MI, not exactly a mecca for the famous). She would leave notes on the cars in our valet parking. One time I parked there and was rewarded with a kitty cat greeting card that was a complete word salad. It said things like “George, I don’t understand what it means when you drive a truck.” She always used to call the hotel too and ask for his room. Gosh I miss that place sometimes.

    Comment by oilybohunk7 | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  13. I just googled the new woman in my ex’s life to find pictures of her, just so I could tell myself I was prettier than her. And probably not as insane, although she does a pretty good job of telling everyone how awesome she is on her bios.

    This is the woman he left the woman he left me for.

    Comment by ThatGirl | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  14. But are you cuter? And are you datin a cheater?

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 28, 2009 | Reply

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