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The GOP Wants You!

To Get Swine Flu!


Remember back in March, the GOP trotted out animatronic wonder, Bobby Jindal to give the Republican response to Obama’s address to Congress?  Remember how he mocked the President’s stimulus package because there was a $140 million appropriation for volcano monitoring, even though at that very moment, Mount Redoubt in Alaska was considering blowing her top (Alaska’s natural response to growing threat of Sarah Palinism)?

Well, the Republicans done fucked up again, by stripping the nearly $900 million in pandemic preparedness from Obama’s stimulus package.

Here’s how it went down:  Some guy who knows about shit like this (White House Appropriations Committee chairman David Obey) noting the connection between U.S. economy recovery and pandemic preparedness, essentially told Obama,

“We better have some money for pandemic preparedness.  If that AIDS monkey gets loose again, that could affect the economy and worker productivity and what not.  And all of this could lead to a further national and even global economic crisis.”

Obama was all,

“Good thinking, dude.  Let’s slap some money in my budget for that.”

Karl Rove, known cock wallet and member of the Washington Doosh Brigade, was like,

“Nuh uh.  I know things you don’t know.  We don’t need no pandemic preparedness.  Americans just need to quit being such pussies every time they get a runny nose.  If you get the flu, just go to work.  If you stay home, it’s your fault that the economy sucks.”

Susan Collins, GOP Senator from Maine agreed–“ayuh!”:

“Does it [pandemic preparedness] belong in this bill? Should we have $870 million in this bill? No, we should not.”

Now who do you think was right?

Behold, the Wall Street Journal’s report–before U.S. Markets had even opened:

“U.S. stock futures fell sharply Monday as the outbreak of deadly swine flu stoked fears that a possible recovery in the global economy could be derailed.”

And from Associated Press, under the headline “World Markets Struck By Swine Flu Fears”:

“World stock markets fell Monday as investors worried that a deadly outbreak of swine flu in Mexico could go global and derail any global economic recovery.”

So to recap, Karl Rove is a dipshit.  Susan Collins is a dipshit.  The GOP is one giant dipshit.  Collins and Rove played politics and as a result, the stimulus package included no money for pandemic preparedness.  And now, there’s a swine flu outbreak that probably won’t become a pandemic, but it sure would be nice to be, you know… prepared for shit like this?

Oh and the cherry on top?  There are still about 43 million Americans who don’t have health insurance, so when they get the damn flu, they’re going to think “well, that’s too bad… I don’t have any health insurance.”  And then they are going to come knocking on my door with the coughing, and the sneezing, and the general disease spreading.

The only solution?  Hold your breath and run to Canada.


April 27, 2009 - Posted by | Culture Critic, Politiks | , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. I’m not down with the swine flu. I’m going to hide in my house and have a Bones marathon. No way I’ll get the flu from that. Just some hot flashes.

    Comment by cookiebees | April 27, 2009 | Reply

  2. mmmm Bones

    can we get a david borezaneazea bale up n here?

    Comment by lava | April 27, 2009 | Reply

  3. And an Emily Deschanel-Bale? And while we’re at it, a Zooey Deschanel-Bale?

    Comment by Stay, see? | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. Are the Deschanel’s related?

    Comment by TheHobo | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  5. They’re sisters 🙂

    Comment by Lily the Pink | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  6. That’s gotta be like the coolest family ever.

    Comment by TheHobo | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  7. i never knew that! awesome!

    i do know davids dad was our local weather man in philly 🙂

    Comment by lava | April 28, 2009 | Reply

  8. I feel totally validated. I commented on the potential impact that a pandemic could have on the economy just yesterday! Iz smrt.

    Comment by Helen Skor | April 28, 2009 | Reply

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