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An Ode to a TV Icon

Cheers to you, Random Bartender Guy


Often underrated and overlooked. He often has the clue to solve the case. Or even set the falsely accused free. He is….The Random Bartender.

He often doesn’t even have a name. And when he does, it’s usually “Smitty” or “Mike.” He works in dimly lit basements that you know smell like urine and have sticky floors. The dregs of society frequent these bars and seem to be accused of murder quite often.

But have no fear because Smitty is here! He’ll remember exactly what time you came in and exactly who you talked to. He’ll also be able to tell the cops your state of mind:

“He seemed pretty upset officer, like he was hiding something.”

He’ll even remember the exact time you left and whether you stiffed him on the tip. So the next time you feel like committing a murder, don’t go to Hoolihan’s on the way to the scene of the crime. Or even after you’ve committed the crime. Random Bartender Guy will give up the goods on you.

But, if you know that someone you’ve recently been seen in public threatening to kill is getting murdered, stop by the bar and make sure you’re in high spirits while you play pool or darts. And don’t be stingy with the tip. Smitty may be the only thing that saves you from the surprise jail butt secks.

Cheers to you Random Bartender Guy. It’s time you got your due accolades. To Smitty, Mike, Bob, Joe, Frank. Dunk dunk.


April 23, 2009 - Posted by | Daily Whims | ,


  1. This… This right here is brilliant.

    Comment by Mae | April 23, 2009 | Reply

  2. I second that!

    Comment by TheHobo | April 23, 2009 | Reply

  3. haha… so true! and readily available in each and every tv show i watch.

    Comment by lava | April 23, 2009 | Reply

  4. Thank you all so much. I’ll be at the end of the bar. Please have Smitty call me a cab.

    Comment by cookiebees | April 24, 2009 | Reply

  5. Truth, this was fantastic.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 24, 2009 | Reply

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