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Conservatives for Gay Marriage?


The New York Post–a conservative paper– has an excellent article discussing why it is that conservatives who are against gay marriage should just get over it.

Uh-oh. Now gays really, legitimately, democratically and completely non-sneakily have won the right to marry, in Vermont. Next thing you know gays preparing to wed will be everywhere, threatening our way of life by picking out china patterns in Bloomingdale’s and bickering about where to seat Uncle Floyd at the reception.

Does the Bible forbid gay relationships? Maybe. But if God didn’t want there to be gay people, He shouldn’t have made them. Who seriously believes that being gay is any more of a choice than being black?

Besides, not even the most fervent Christian would want to live in a Biblocracy. Covet your neighbor’s wife, or even his kitchen appliances, and go to jail? If that were government policy, how many informers would it need on the payroll to monitor the neighbors’ comments about saucy Serena (or her Sub-Zero?) Does God’s idea of civilization look like East Berlin in 1981?

The Bible is about you and your soul, and if you think your neighbor is going to hell you can’t stop him. And if you think gay relationships are immoral, surely it’s the physical act that bothers you, not the signing of licenses, not the public vows of love and fidelity, not the matching tuxedos. Not the smiling faces. Yet few will make the case for police investigations of what people do between the sheets.

“Same-sex marriage,” wrote Maggie Gallagher in National Review, “asks religious Americans,” by which she means Christian Americans, “to surrender a core belief — not only Leviticus (disapproval of gay sexual acts), but Genesis (the idea that God himself made man as male and female and commanded men and women to come together in a special way to image the fruitfulness of God).” But Christians are surrendering nothing. They remain free to disapprove of homosexuality just as they remain free to disapprove of their neighbor’s alcoholism or adultery or bad taste in lawn ornaments. They also remain free to move to a country that enforces religious views.

You should read the entire article.  It is well-written and lays out exactly why the arguments against gay marriage are bullshit, and also likens those who would seek to make America a “Christian Nation” to the Taliban and Axis of Evil member, Iran.  Now you know that conservatives hate that.

And to those who would argue that gay marriage is a slippery slope which will lead to man-dog unions, pull your head out of your ass.  Marriage is a contract. (Civil marriage is the only thing at issue in these gay marriage kerfluffles though the anti-gay crowd apparently doesn’t understand the difference between civil marriage and religious marriage.) There are rules regarding who may enter into valid contracts.   Those who are younger than 18 may not enter into valid contracts.  And you can bet your ass that a dog cannot enter into a valid contract either.  DOGS DON’T EVEN HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!

Now, for those who would argue that gay marriage might lead to polygamy—again, pull your head out of your ass.  Marriage is a contract subject to laws of contracts.  Parties may not enter into contracts that are against public policy.  Since we, as a society, already condemn polygamy, you can bet your ass that any marriage contract attempted by more than 2 individuals would be void as against public policy.

That’s a little bit of legal mumbo jumbo for you, dear reader.  It’s all true.  Trust me.  I’m a lawyer.

It all boils down to this:  Pull.Your.Head.Out.Of.Your.Ass.


April 20, 2009 - Posted by | Culture Critic | , , ,


  1. Well said, my dear. The tide is turning and I truly believe that this is a step towards a more just and fair America.

    As the bumper sticker so succintly puts it:

    “Against gay marriage? Don’t get one.”

    Comment by SeaKat | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  2. but SeaKat, I gotta have one. Everyone is doing it. You’re sending me to hell, by way of peer pressure.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  3. If everyone and his gay husband jumped off of a bridge, would you do it too, missy?

    Comment by SeaKat | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  4. Damn.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  5. [picture of egg] this is your brain.

    [picture of egg with rainbow colored yolk] this is your brain on gay marriage.

    any questions?

    Comment by stopthemadness | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  6. I have one. What kind of acid did they put those chickens on?

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  7. Why do chickens get all the best acid?

    Comment by TheHobo | April 20, 2009 | Reply

  8. Hobo, it’s just an easy way to carry drugs and not get busted…kinda like the time we hid quarter sacks in chewy granola bar packages.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 21, 2009 | Reply

  9. AdAd: My admiration for you grew even more…

    Comment by TheHobo | April 21, 2009 | Reply

  10. ::rant::

    Personally, I’m for gay marriage.

    I kind of feel that the “good ol’ boys” shot themselves in teh foot with gay marriage. Staunch conservatives wanted to encourage marriage and gave tax incentives simply for being married because they wanted to instill “Christian values” and be rewarded for such.

    Once they dipped thier toes into the federal government kitty, then they excluded people of a different orientation from having the same rights to obtain said tax and other benefits as those of heterosexual married people.

    If everyone would have left marriage in the church and provided no sort of special incentives or protections under the law for married couples, I don’t think this would be the issue that it is today.

    My idea is that the states simply refer them as “civil unions”; I’m talking for both straight and gay couples. If you want a “marriage” in the Biblical sense, then go to your preacher to perform the ceremony. However, if you just want to be recognized as a couple, then just call it a civil union (or something else, whatever).

    I’m not saying that’s the answer, I’m just saying it’s an idea.

    Comment by blah | April 21, 2009 | Reply

  11. blah I like that idea. everything should be civil unions. although for some reason it seems like people would get even angrier, spouting stuff about having their marriages “demoted” or something… and then the shoe would be on the other foot. which i don’t think it’s a bad place for the shoe to be, honestly!

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 21, 2009 | Reply

  12. “United by the State, Married by God”

    Actually, blah is right on target. If you can be commonlaw married after living together for 6 months (at least in TX), you might as well distinguish civil unions. I’m pretty sure that the Bible looks down on living together before marriage (or is it just the sex part?). Either way, I never understood it. I imagine it decreases the divorce rate…saved me for a shitty guy…and also, if you won’t buy a CAR without test driving it, why would you sign your life over for something you never TESTED. I digress…

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 22, 2009 | Reply

  13. Hello, Iowa resident here. Personally I really liked it when we (and by “we” I mean “the Iowa Supreme Court, which I have no part in or sway over but like to associate myself with because I live here”) declared that gays could get civil marriages, not unions. I like the idea of “civil marriage” verses “religious marriage.” Then everybody gets married, since that’s such a big thing for so many people – we just don’t force the church into anything it doesn’t want to do. It’s sensitive, you know.

    Comment by Slayer | April 23, 2009 | Reply

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