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Ashton Kutcher vs. Larry King


Holy crap, you guys.  It is on.  Like Donkey and Diddy Kong.

For those of you who are still trying to figure out Facebook, after having dragged your asses over from Friendster to Myspace, Twitter is the latest craze.  Take Facebook… and get rid of the applications and photo albums and detailed personal information… and you have Twitter.

Twitter allows you to tell everyone who is “Following” you what you’re doing.  In 140 characters. or less.  It is really really stupid.  I’ve been on Twitter for a few months now and I have yet to figure out why it is that Soleil Moon Frye (moonfrye) thinks it’s so fun.  Excuse me Ms. Brewster?  Punky?  I DON’T GET IT!!!!

So here’s what’s going on in the Twitterverse.  (That’s what they call it!  You guys are so square.)

Ashton Kutcher (aplusk in the Twitterverse) has issued a challenge to CNN (I don’t know which CNN profile Kutcher is battling.  It could be cnn (which has about 61,000 Followers) or cnnbrk (which has more than 928,000 Followers) or larrykcolumn (which only has about 5,100 Followers).)  I am currently following all of them, because as a journalist, it is imperative that I remain impartial.  Heh.

So, if Kutcher beats CNN to one million followers on Twitter, he says he will “ding dong ditch” Ted Turner’s house in Atlanta and post the video of it… yep… on Twitter.

Seriously.  That just happened.

Larry King, after pointing out that Ted Turner doesn’t own CNN anymore, said “Bring it on, bitch!   CNN will bury you!”  (He only said the last part.) Uh oh, Ashton.  I think you just reanimated Larry King:

Oh, Twitter.  You’re so pointless.   I mean really.  140 character status updates are only going to lend themselves to the further degradation of the English language.  And I, for one, do not want to live in a world where one can string letters together and call them words.  “Omg!  ur vids R so kewl!”

::blows head off::

Psst!  ((If you want to “follow me,” I’m StopthemadnessS… (yes, three esses because some punkass done stole my name).)


UPDATE: Larry King (kingsthing) is on Twitter with almost 5,300 people now.  Good luck, Mr. King.   Ashton now has over 875,000 Followers.  Lemmings!


April 14, 2009 - Posted by | Culture Critic | , , , ,


  1. Exactly. I signed up for Twitter and immediately forgot about it. Haven’t noticed it at all. I have no twitteritch to scratch, do not feel the need or interest to “follow” the meaningless actions of any of these people, much less people I know.

    “Councilman X is taking a crap”.
    “Celebrity Z is throwing up the hamburger she just ate.”

    What I really want to know is: what exactly is up with Larry King? What sort of degenerative disease does he have anyway? Should I be feeling bad for him? Am I supposed to be so distracted by the spray tan that I don’t notice how weird his body is?

    Comment by The Random Reverend | April 14, 2009 | Reply

  2. Never fear, Random Reverend. I’m following this story very closely so you don’t have to.

    Pdiddy (iamdiddy) is now on Team Kutcher. He has commanded that his minions (members of PTwitty Nation) “follow” Kutcher.

    CNN doesn’t stand a chance.

    (yes, “PTwitty Nation.” I didn’t make that up.)

    ::dramatic eyeroll::

    Comment by stopthemadness | April 14, 2009 | Reply

  3. There are people voluntarily identifying themselves with a group call PTwitty Nation?

    Hell in a handbag my friend.

    But seriously, can you tell me what’s up with Larry King? I googled [“Larry King” body strangeness] and only came up with his interviews. Wikipedia has nothing and it can’t be just me…look at him…

    Ooh! Here’s an interview I want to see, that guy from the Actor’s Studio interviewing Larry King.

    Comment by The Random Reverend | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  4. i would join twitter, just so Kutcher could be CNN, because I despise CNN that much. problem: i don’t give a shit.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  5. be = beat…yes, I’m thinking partially today. Doesn’t bode well for work production.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  6. I seriously don’t understand how Demi Moore manages to make it through each day without slaughtering him.

    Comment by vodkafanta | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  7. Hahaha VF. Well said, well said.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  8. I have a feeling that Demi just puts in her iPod, smiles at him and pretends to listen while she is actually enjoying some Johnny Cash or Hank Williams Jr. (Yes, in my imagination, Demi is a fan of old school country.)

    Comment by SeaKat | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  9. SeaKat: who wouldn’t be?

    I Twitter (thehobo) and mostly I follow geek celebs and comic strip creators who all seem to know each other and use twitter to pass on neat links.

    Some of them really do think I care more than I actually do though and want to tell me every detail of their days. Nope. I want spoilers for your shows/books/movies/cds, concert updates, cool links, funny anecdotes and THAT’S IT.

    Not that I personally provide any of those things…

    But I’m sure you all care about if I had a bad dream last night or not 😛

    Comment by TheHobo | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  10. oh seakat, i hate to burst your bubble, but demi is every bit as annoying on twitter. she actually asked her “Followers” to tweet Ryan Seacrest to complain about something she saw on American Idol.

    I know.

    I know.

    There, there. It’ll be ok.

    Comment by DonnaMartin | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  11. and don’t even get me STARTED on punky fucking brewster. she’s a right annoying twat on twitter.

    (did i sound british there? that’s what i was going for!)

    Comment by DonnaMartin | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  12. But Demi SAVES LIVES on Twitter. She’s a fucking hero. Plus, Johnny Cash. Wait, now I’m confusing reality and SeaKatland…

    Comment by SeaKat | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  13. It disturbs me that they are referred to as followers.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  14. do you know who else had followers?

    jim jones.

    Comment by DonnaMartin | April 16, 2009 | Reply

  15. DM: oooooooh!

    I follow no one! No one!!

    er…should I go delete my account now?

    Comment by TheHobo | April 16, 2009 | Reply

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