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Women Who Hate Women Make My Vagina Want to Throw Things At Them: Part Deux

Would you ladies stop making me do this? THROWING THINGS VAGINALLY IS REALLY A LOT OF WORK!

Tree climber, woman hater Zoe Saldana

Tree climber, woman hater Zoe Saldana

An interview with Zoe Saldana (who plays Nyota Uhura in JJ Abrams’ Star Trek flick) as the May issue of Cosmopolitan’s “Fun Fearless Female” revealed these kind words:

Question (from Molly Fahner, Cosmo Interviewer Extraordinaire): You were one of the few women on-set. What was that like?
Answer (from Zoe Saldana, Woman Who Hates Women Extraordinaire) : I loved it! I’ve always been a guy’s girl. ALL my friends are males. I’m not a “chick,” I’m not that communicative, and I like dirt bikes and climbing trees.


Now, first off, I feel that it’s important to tell you that Cosmo is my last resort, as far as women’s magazines go. There are many better, smarter mags out there, and if I’ve picked up Cosmo it’s because I’ve already read this month’s issues of “the good ones” to death. You know how when you’re having a REALLLLLLY slow day at work, and you’ve already read Thundersquee!, LaineyGossip and D-Listed and all the other sites you normally go to by one o’clock? And all you’re left with is Perez Hilton? YOU GO TO HIM. It’s a last resort, but don’t tell me you don’t check it out when there’s nothing else to do. Me picking up Cosmo at the local CVS is kinda like that, so judge not lest ye be judged by stopthemadness. Or Judy, I guess.

Second off, for those who haven’t read Cosmo (or refuse to), this is a magazine written not for women who are interested in or appreciate other women’s thoughts; it’s for women who are interested in analyzing their opponent (i.e., other women) for the attentions of “unsuspecting” men. It’s a playbook. Women who read and live by Cosmo believe they’re in the middle of a battlefield, full of other warring women, for the attention of a MAYY-UHHN(!). It’s Douchebag Quarterly for the ladies is what I’m trying to say here.

Third off, and I know this comes late after my self-flagellations and explanations of this magazine: Zoe Saldana, THIS IS A WOMEN’S MAGAZINE! I know it ain’t Marie Claire but it’s still a magazine FOR WOMEN. It might be a magazine for women who hate women BUT IT’S STILL A MAGAZINE FOR WOMEN. So what are you saying? Oh, right. It’s COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE! You’re saying you’re aligned with Cosmo readers. Because they, like you, also hate women! So, you have THAT in common!

Fourth off (Oh, yes, I’m getting off a lot on this one): Zoe Saldana, YOU’RE THIRTY. Are you seeking a fourteen-year-old boy, circa 1988? Who are you dirt-biking and climbing trees with? I will leave that open, for you (or your “people”) to answer, IF YOU DARE. I double dare ya! I DOUBLE-DOG DARE-YA!

Fifth off: I don’t have one. No reason.

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April 7, 2009 - Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Sarah's Vagina Wants to Throw Stuff | , , , ,

31 Comments »

  1. Yeah,(chiming in on fourth off…)cause most guys in their 30’s are watching sports and drinking beer. And farting. And watching America’s Next Top Model and Girls Next Door or any other reality show where they might see a little nipple slip.

    Comment by queencrone | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  2. I stand by my assessment that you can’t really trust women who ONLY have male friends. Also, men who ONLY have female friends. If you hate your gender, you hate yourself.

    And that’s the kind of self-loathing I try to keep a nice distance from, in case they take all that self-loathing out on me.

    Comment by TheHobo | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  3. I LOVE THIS. Sarah, I love it.

    I get so annoyed with girls who think they are special because they are pretty and they are tomboys. There is nothing less phenomenal. So, you like sports. Big deal. You are such a paradox. Oh, that we could figure out how a girl who wears makeup also likes to watch a game of basketball. The world will implode no itself when we figure out this grand eternal mystery. Gag me.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  4. oops

    no = on

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  5. These women are so sad. She reminds me of those annoying girls who are obviously annorexic who claim, “no really, I eat. All. The. Time!”. When women say they are only friends with guys, that’s usually code for, “I’m a massive skank and none of the other women will associate with me”.

    Comment by blah | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  6. Ha! Well said, blah.

    I’ve known several women who have mostly guy friends. There are two categories: ones who get along with women and ones who don’t. The former are not easy to find, but when you do, you want to hold onto them forever, because they are truly gems. The latter may be attractive in many ways and fun to be around, but their behavior towards other women is a major turn-off to me. Ultimately, I believe that these types will become bitchy to men too.

    Comment by WhoMee | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  7. Hi Zoe:

    This is shu_shu. I know we aren’t “friends” or anything like that (because your being friends with a woman would throw off that whole ‘tomboy chic’ vibe you are trying to achieve), but i figured I would write an open letter to you anyway. You know, just in case you are the type of self-absorbed person who likes to Google themselves for validation. I know that’s a long shot (ahem…) but here’s hopin!!

    Anyhoo…I wanted to share that I have a weird quirk, too! Except, instead of being a woman-hating-woman (which certainly makes you the most rare and exotic of creatures), I think mine is fairly common. It’s called “I-don’t-like-giving-my-money-to-people-who-dislike-me-itis.” And the most common symptom is not buying tickets to see movies featuring bitches who hate me because I have a vagina.

    So, keep talking shit about our gender, and I’m pretty sure you are going to talk yourself out of a career.

    Good luck!

    Comment by shu_shu | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  8. I am sorry about/fully support/kind of curious about how to obtain your condition.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 7, 2009 | Reply

  9. I don’t know who Zoe Salsawhaterverhernameis, but now I think she’s a doosh!

    Comment by rumour has it | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  10. I don’t think she’s bad. She says she’s not a “chick”. I say that all the time. She just means she’s not a girly girl. Although, going back, the “ALL my friends are males” is a little obnoxious. Why the all caps? Do you need to let us know that no females get along with you? I retract my first statement and insert DOOOOOOOOOOOSH.

    Comment by Chronically Constipated | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  11. All I do is sit in a frilly pink dress, go shopping, mensturate and talk about things like makeup,boys and my vagina. That’s all women do right? Women couldn’t possibly climb trees, ride bikes, play video games or watch sports…..

    Comment by silent noodles | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  12. …and always have the cleanest, whitest teeth, and the freshest breath in case a boy wants to “get close”. 😀

    Comment by queencrone | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  13. I was going to say I have mostly guy friends, then I started thinking and the actual case is that I LIKE hanging out with my guy friends MORE than the girls, usually (except for about 3, who are SO kick ass) – but it’s because the girls I know have boyfriends or husbands, and are insanely jealous and its irritating to me, who is insanely NOT jealous. So when you go out with them as couples, they bitch all night at their other; and when you go out with them as girls night, they call repeatedly/bitch at/bitch about their others. I can’t stand it, it ruins my buzz.

    That being said, I’m leary of making female friends because I would say at least 1/2 of them have stabbed me in the back one way or another. Bitches be bitches sometimes, yo.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  14. QC, i just use a white chiclet to fill in the hole where I knocked my tooth out falling out of the tree…it’s super white, and keeps my breath fresh at the same time!

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  15. Okay, I have to defend her (sort of). For many years, I hung out almost exclusively with guys, because my experience with female friends (especially at that stage in my life) had not been good. I had a total “Bitches – who needs ’em” attitude. But you can’t really condemn an entire gender, just as you can’t condemn an entire race or nationality or whatever. And I eventually realized that there are many things that a close female friend brings to the table that a guy could never offer or even understand. So hopefully her attitude is based on her past experiences, and she will eventually realize that it’s not the gender that’s the problem – it’s the people themselves.

    That being said, I actually really like her as an actress. Has anyone seen Haven? She does a great job of playing a love-lorn junkie whore.

    Comment by Helen Skor | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  16. AdAd, jealous how? Like, of each other? Or over their husbands?

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  17. They are jealous of any female who might remotely look in the direction their man is standing, because OBVIOUSLY he’s trying to sleep with her if she’s looking at him. It’s ridiculously ridiculous. And it’s ALL of them.

    And they get irritated at me because I never contest guys night out; when I say its okay, they all get (from their others) “But HIS wife said it was fine; i don’t get what your big deal is…” etc. I think they think every girl in the world is after their man…they must all read Cosmo.

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  18. AdAd, see, that is some good thinking. (the chicklet tooth)

    A tooth replacement AND breath freshner. The BIG Plus: you have a snack for later.

    You should always have a snack for later with you, I always say.

    Comment by queencrone | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  19. AdAd–the thing I dislike about women is men :-p That is, through society, Cosmo, generations of thinking, etc, there is this idea that everything a woman does is for the almighty male gaze/to get and secure a mate.

    THOSE women, I hate. But in my experience, those women also tend to hate other women because of their jealousy issues, and also to claim that THEY are not like other women. In many ways, there is this new cultural push for women to align themselves with men in some way (sports, career — I had one friend who claimed she thought of sex the way a man did and so technically wasn’t any more a slut than her male counter-part and insisted she never got emotionally attached…even though she usually got emotionally attached), and when aligning themselves with men, they in turn have to declare the awfulness of women.

    I personally stand by the idea that both genders are crazy (or can be) because both are dealing with heaps of insecurity.

    And that being comfortable in your own skin crosses gender lines, that is, you find the other people comfortable in their own skin too, and that’s who you hang with. Sometimes it’s men, sometimes it’s women. Either way, those people are hard to find.

    But I’m a firm believer that, especially as we get older, we need time with our own gender. Men should have guy’s nights, and women girl’s nights (or days, or outings). Because sometimes you just want to relax and be yourself without worrying about looking attractive to anyone 😛 That’s how my girls nights go.

    Comment by TheHobo | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  20. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

    TheHobo, that’s one of the most well-thought out, intelligent things I’ve read in a long time.

    “when aligning themselves with men, they in turn have to declare the awfulness of women.” Very well said!

    Comment by baby fish mouth | April 8, 2009 | Reply

  21. Are you seriously taking her comment this far? Women who hate on women?

    Money bet that you (Sarah) were a High School reject growing up and find happiness in bashing more successful b/c you think you have the brains and probably ask yourself why aren’t you just as successful.
    You an Perez Hilton are the same breed which is sad b/c we don’t need anymore to be honest.

    Agreed, it’s freedom of speech but instead of bashing these successful people, think of ways to turn this comment into something positive. My impression, simply she isn’t “girly” and enjoys less maintenance activities. She clearly stated she doens’t communicate well.

    Also Sarah, “Make My Vagina Want to Throw Things At Them” please seek help such as anger management. Violence is not the answer. Your mama can tell you that.

    Hasta la vista beautiful ladies 🙂

    xoxo

    Comment by extremist feminist | April 12, 2009 | Reply

  22. Wow, for an “extreme feminist” you sure don’t know much about feminism. Also, to open with an ad hominem attack when your criticism is about ad hominem attacks is ridiculously hypocritical. Saldana tried to divorce herself from being a “chick” (aka female, as if there is something wrong with that) thereby re-enforcing stereotypes. Which is lame. End of story. And, frankly, I refuse to believe that you didn’t know that “vagina want to throw things at them,” was tongue in cheek. Your disingenuous take on the headline renders your entire point ineffectual. Why would anyone listen to someone who purposefully misapprehends others? Have a good day though.

    Comment by Get a Dictionary | April 12, 2009 | Reply

  23. You know, had she given this interview to Popular Science or to Dirt Rider, or even James Lipton on the friggin Actors Studio, I might have taken her comments as sincere. However, she gave this interview to Cosmo, which (TMIMO), is a totally anti-feminist publication.

    The fact of the matter is that we have this whole new culture where women are “forced” to compete with one another to be the “coolest” girl. And the new definition of “cool” means being able to elevate yourself to the status of “guy’s girl” and completely distance yourself from all other women in one fell swoop.

    Notice that she doesn’t talk about how she likes hanging out with other women who have similar interests? She just implies that men are superior company. And since she aligns herself with “superior” men instead of women, she is superior by assocition.

    That’s my take on it, anyway.

    Comment by shu_shu | April 12, 2009 | Reply

  24. Hobo, that’s probably the most well-put description I could have ever imagined. I might possibly frame it and put it in the game room – you know, since most of them will be over this weekend. 🙂

    Comment by AdmittedlyAddicted | April 13, 2009 | Reply

  25. The funny thing is: my mama is the one who TOLD me to throw things.

    (To extremist feminist’s advice on anger management, and admonishment that mama would concur.)

    Comment by queencrone | April 13, 2009 | Reply

  26. ok. I’m going to dissent a little-just a little!- here.
    I like a lot! the women in my world, but end up hanging out with more males than females. As to be expected at my age, my female friends are either parents with other-rightfully so-priorities and/or no longer live nearby-OR too busy with careers, and I’m just not in their world anymore-. My male friends, on the other hand, I’ve met doing volunteer work or from singing in bands, and our schedules/interests/lack of kids etc., are more inline-so I see them more often (and yes, my husband knows). This is NOT a diss on women, but where I’m at now, as a married singer, with no real career (and I’m not proud of that, but being honest) and no kids. So my husband and I have a number of either single males, or couples without kids, in our little circle..(I’d like more women to hang with-but they keep living in Queens! Is it because it’s called Queens? hmmm… to ponder another time)
    That aside-I’m 35, and still want to try surfing, would certainly climb a tree and have watched the x games on tv…I don’t think age is so much a factor as time and spirit! Most people who do these things might be younger, as they have the time and aren’t as worried to break something etc-but why not get on a dirtbike as a grown up? (oh! and I was thinking of taking an automotive class, which is another predominately male field)-Soooooo I suppose you can think of me as immature, but I’m just starting to really enjoy myself, so ;-p pppbbbblllttlt!
    on alls yall.

    Comment by Lea | August 14, 2009 | Reply

  27. Lea – I don’t hate women who don’t hang out with me. It’s their choice. I also don’t hate women who ride dirtbikes, surf, climb trees, or don’t have chirruns. This isn’t about age, nor is it about spirit. This post was based on an article about a woman (Zoe Saldana) who claims RIGHT OUT LOUD that she doesn’t like women. It’s an asshole thing to say, and it’s an even more asshole way to feel.
    Sorry for the late response to YOUR late response.

    Comment by Sarah | September 23, 2009 | Reply

  28. ok, I didn’t read her quote as that woman hating first time through, but can certainly see your point after looking at it again, and it was a douchy thing to say.
    I was reacting to the last paragraph where you said “you’re over 30, who are you climbing trees and dirt biking with”, which, (and btw-if she were cooler, she could also do with other ladies), has nothing to do with age-I was feeling insecure about my resistance to mature. oh that rhymed! whoa.

    Comment by Lea | September 23, 2009 | Reply

  29. QuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeSeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by cooter jean | September 23, 2009 | Reply

  30. aw. i want to be a married singer. how did you do that?

    Comment by baby fish mouth | September 23, 2009 | Reply

  31. Lea: may we all still be climbing trees as long as our backs hold out. 😛

    I just want to say again that there are not “boy activities” and “girl activities” and that’s one of my issues with the initial statement made by Zoe. There are activities that are either liked more by one gender (or in IMHO, we’re socialized to think we like more) and therefore get associated with that gender, but that doesn’t make climbing trees and playing in dirt a boy thing, where you have to be like the boys to enjoy doing it. And liking things boys are associated with liking doesn’t make you better than women…that’s the part that kills me.

    I own a copy of “the Mismeasure of Women” and it talks about treating men as the norm and women, as compared to men, as abnormal. And I feel like we still do this (as a society) all the time. Men are the norm, the standard, the thing which we should all strive to be.

    Women are the alternative, and just, somehow, not as good.

    Just because women have had to struggle to get the same respect, pay, and positions as men, doesn’t mean there is something inherently inferior about them. It wasn’t true about black people (or any other minority group), and it isn’t true about women. Your circumstances do not define your inherent worth. To think otherwise is to buy into the socialization, the myths perpetuated by interested parties for generations.

    And when one of your own, a fellow woman struggling against the same myths and socialization, makes a statement decrying “chicks” and suggesting that men are superior friends than women, it gets my vagina angry too. But also sad–because she bought in. Which just kills me. Women, feeling disempowered and marginalized, turning against other women in order to be seen more like men, and thus establish themselves as some sort of equal.

    And the biggest tragedy of that is that they never realize that the kind of men who need them to disavow their own “chick-ness” in order to be accepted are the kind of men who will never really accept a woman in their ranks anyway. They don’t get that they will always be the T&A that is “cooler” than the others because she acts like a man. And the moment they do anything remotely “girly” they are torn down, insulted, ostracized, and ultimately kept in line by their own fears of being seen as “girly.”

    Insecure men preying on the insecurities of women kill me. Women who go around acting like life is better acting like one of those men (who prey on the insecurities of women) enrage me.

    Don’t be that stupid…you’re making the rest of us look bad.

    Comment by TheHobo | September 23, 2009 | Reply


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