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And a Hooker Shall Lead Them

ts-shamwow-largeShamwow pimp, Vince Shlomi, was arrested for punching a stripper who was attempting to eat his tongue.

According to The Smoking Gun:

Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she “propositioned him for straight sex.” Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

It’s happening, people.  The Shamwow apocalypse is nigh.  The first blow against Shamwow dominance has been dealt by a hooker.  That hooker may just be our savior.  Follow her lead and rise up against Shamwows and those who would seek to make Shamwows our overlords.  Shamwows and Shamwow warriors must be destroyed at all costs.  Feast on them.  Kill them.


March 28, 2009 - Posted by | Criminally Stupid, What the Crap!? | , , , ,


  1. Hookers KISS now?????

    Comment by BunchOfFives | March 28, 2009 | Reply

  2. Things sure have changed since Julia Roberts ran the show.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 28, 2009 | Reply

  3. This is all going to come out eventually, so I don’t feel bad divulging it now.


    Sasha Harris’s grandmother past away earier this year. Sasha was devastated to learn that grandma spent all of Sasha’s inheretance on late night television gimmick products.

    How the hell was Sasha supposed to finance her way out of the hooker business now, with only rooms full of Shamwow cloths and Slapchops, and etc?

    She was in a rage. She formulated a revenge plan to make herself feel better.

    She reasoned that she would target the pitchman and bite off his tongue so that he wouldn’t be able to bilk any more old ladies out of their life savings ever again.

    Billy Mayes is currently in hiding for fear that Sasha will post bail.

    Comment by queencrone | March 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. LOL@QC.

    Billy, don’t be a hero! Don’t be a fool with your life!!

    Also, bfm — that was my thought too, only you phrased it so much more humorously!!! 🙂

    Comment by SeaKat | March 28, 2009 | Reply

  5. Oh my GOOD LORD! The plot thickens! This just in…

    It turns out that Sasha is in a long term relationship with the BRAWNY MAN!!! Authorities are now looking into this new angle.

    Stay tuned as I’ll continue to stay with this story and provide updates until the beer runs out or I get to drunk to type.

    Comment by queencrone | March 28, 2009 | Reply

  6. well said, qc! ha!

    Comment by stopthemadness | March 28, 2009 | Reply

  7. [ STM-I stole that last line from the best and made it my own. 🙂 ]

    Comment by queencrone | March 30, 2009 | Reply

  8. See, and here I thought Sasha was an agent against the apocalypse, sent by the colorful bars of death that used to dominate late night TV before informercials. You know, when tv just stopped? Back when they realized if you provided 24 hour content some idiot would actually stay up to watch it? They were looking out for us with those bars, telling us with that noise (I seem to recall a noise with them, though it’s been so long) that it was time to go to sleep/pass out/find a hooker already.

    Actually, true story–I remember waking up before TV was on. Like before any content was on the TV. I’d sit and watch the bars until my cartoon started.

    Comment by TheHobo | March 30, 2009 | Reply

  9. LOL@Hobo. I remember that, too. There was a sound — sort of a droning “bzzz”, right?

    That image of a lil’ Hobo, staring at bars on the TV screen, waiting for your cartoons to start is both heart-breaking and heart-warming. My heart is confused. But my heart will go on.

    ::Cue Celine Dion::

    Comment by SeaKat | March 30, 2009 | Reply

  10. Aw!

    My dad had to get up crazy early for work, and then he’d drop us back off at Mom’s, and we’d sit and wait for cartoons since we were already up. Oddly, they started earlier on Saturdays than on Sundays. I still don’t know why…

    And I think the very first thing to come on was the Romper Room.

    The mirror gag at the end always sort of disturbed me…

    Comment by TheHobo | March 30, 2009 | Reply

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