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Simpson Fat-ometer

Arrow points to “Not Fat”

ts-jessica-simpsonJessica Simpson took time away from being inappropriately fondled by her father to perform at the Florida Strawberry Festival last week in a pair of booty shorts aka Daisy Dukes aka short ass shorts.

A couple months ago, Jessica Simpson’s fat ass sent shockwaves through the media prompting every woman to exclaim “Well, if she’s fat, we’re all fucked!”

But never fear, ladies!  As evidenced by the photos snapped of Simpson at the fruit festival, Jessica Simpson is like, totally, not fat.  And Thundersquee!’s own Angry Black Lady done told you so– it  was the jeans.

Mom jeans don’t look good on anyone.  Remember when Kate Moss was rocking the Mom jeans? Well, they made her look dumpy too– and Kate Moss is pure unadulterated cocaine skinny.

Yep, Jessica Simpson is definitely not fat.

Unfortunately, you probably still are.

Now what did I do with my cupcakes

[Image Source.]


March 22, 2009 - Posted by | Daily Whims, Doosh Watch 2009 | , , , ,


  1. Are those mom jeans on kate moss?

    I guess I need to go back to the store.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  2. I stole your cupcakes.

    Comment by rumour has it | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  3. I have to confess that I don’t hate cupcakes. It’s the perfect way to get cake without having to get the pan dirty. Washing pans gives me the creeps. If mae will come wash my pans I will make a real cake.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  4. I like cupcakes because I love icing, and the cake:icing ration on a cupcake is really skewed in my favor.

    Comment by SeaKat | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  5. Jessica definitely gained some. She’s got a bit of a pooch here and her boobs are quite fulsome. In the Jan 28 post, her upper arms give her away completely. They’re covered up here by the sleeves, and the tail of that shirt hides her ass a bit too, so you can’t tell as easily.

    Comment by WhoMee | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  6. That may be true WhoMee, but she looks pretty darn good for being “fat”.
    I am with ya SeaKat. The only part of the cake I like are corner pieces and side pieces. The middle of the cake doesn’t have enough frosting.
    A cupcake with lotsa icing is awesome.

    Comment by payter | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  7. Mayhaps, she has gained a few. Home girl snacks at Chilis. Skillet queso will do that to one’s upper arms.

    However…I’m not on the Simpson-fat-wagon. I could come up with a few other insults (Dead-behind-the-eyes, vapid, etc..), but fat is not one of them.

    Comment by shu_shu | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  8. Shu – You know, I have lost money trying to prove mayhaps was a word. I KNEW IT WAS A WORD.

    WhoMee, are you a guy? I find that guys can better spot when a girl has gained 3 ounces. It’s infuriating – and really miserable because what if guy are out there thinking that every time i eat an egg roll, and I don’t even know it, but now my arms look bigger.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  9. Bfm, I think we might share a brain…Also, you may want to do as I do and have this little blurb printed onto a laminated card that you keep in your wallet:

    Main Entry: may·hap
    Pronunciation: \ˈmā-ˌhap, mā-ˈ\
    Function: adverb
    Etymology: from the phrase may hap
    Date: circa 1531

    CIRCA 1531!!! BLAM SUCKAS!!!

    Comment by shu_shu | March 22, 2009 | Reply


    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  11. i eat your cupcakes! i eat them right up!

    Comment by DonnaMartin | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  12. Oh, I’m not saying she’s fat, per se. I just mean that she isn’t exactly svelte, nor toned.

    BFM, I’m a double-jointed hermaphrodite.

    Comment by WhoMee | March 22, 2009 | Reply

  13. She was fat in that leopard belted costume. She has since lost like 10 pounds. It’s a fact. I read it in US Weekly while on line at the grocery store. But seriously, you look at those two pictures side to side, and the girl has been working OUT. Good for her!

    Comment by Chronically Constipated | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  14. TMIMO, you’re not fat til your thighs fold over your knees.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  15. bfm – hahaha! I’m using that as my own, personal metric.

    ::checks thighs::

    Nope, I’m still good!

    ::opens up Costco-sized Ben&Jerry’s carton::

    Comment by SeaKat | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  16. A friend of mine told me that in high school! She said, you’re not fat! Here’s now I define fat.

    Changed my life – true story!

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  17. The thing cake has over cupcakes–filling. That layer of custard/icing/whatever between the cake layers is my favorite part.

    Comment by TheHobo | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  18. Hobo — just stick 2 cupcakes together. Problem solved!!

    ::checks thighs again::

    Uh oh.

    Comment by SeaKat | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  19. SeaKat, hahahhahaha!!

    Now I want cake. In ice cream form. YUMMO!

    Comment by Chronically Constipated | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  20. babyfish mouth, i cant believe oyu just called me fat!

    Comment by madb | March 23, 2009 | Reply

  21. madb it doesn’t count if you’re just really flexible.

    Comment by baby fish mouth | March 23, 2009 | Reply

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