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Jersey Girls Dodge A Hairy Bullet

New Jersey Scraps Plan for Brazilian Wax Ban

ts-brazillian-stylesIn horrifying news that had the women of New Jersey on the verge of packing up their bags, grabbing their hairy vaginas, and getting the hell out of dodge, the state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling considered a ban on Brazilian bikini waxes.

Apparently, a couple of Jersey girls had an owwie down there after visiting a local salon, and one of them filed a lawsuit.  On Friday, however, New Jersey Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman–in one of the most embarrassing letters ever– wrote to the state Board:

“I cannot agree to the complete prohibition … banning removal of hair in the genital area.

And it’s a good thing too.  No telling what dirty establishments would have popped up in back alleys all over New Jersey; women lined up for miles in inner cities, clutching the hundred dollar bills their boyfriends had pressed into the palms of their hand, begging them to “get it taken care of.”

According to the Huffington Post, a spokesman for the Division of Consumer Affairs in New Jersey, Jeff Lamm, reported that two women had to be hospitalized for infections following their Brazilian waxes.  (No news on whether the infections were actually wax-related.)  In New Jersey, genital waxing is technically not allowed.  Only the face, neck, abdomen, legs and arms are permitted.  But, because Brazilian waxes were not specifically banned in New Jersey, Jersey girls have been ripping their pubes out willy nilly and New Jersey state regulators did nothing to stop them.

Given the state of the education system in this country, apparently cosmetologists are not quite sure where on the female form the vagina is located.  According to Mr. Lamm:

“The genital area is not part of the abdomen or legs as some might assume.”

Upon hearing Mr. Lamm’s comments, every woman in New Jersey dusted off their copy of Our Bodies Ourselves, sat their husbands and boyfriends down for a little lesson.  “See this honey?  This is my vagina.  can you say ‘vagina’?  Ok, now see this little thing… looks like a little nubbin…?”   The response from the menfolk?  “Oooooooooh!  That’s where it is!”

In related news, the sales for double D batteries in New Jersey has dropped off significantly.


March 21, 2009 - Posted by | News You May or May Not Use | , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. All you need is a landing strip. Shut up you cry babies. The rest of us do not want to be forced back into “natural” status just because you can’t handle the wax. I will not be a chia pet for you beetches.

    Comment by cookie | March 23, 2009 | Reply

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