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Something Else

Application to be in a Chick Book or Film

ts-somethingelse21

Your name is:

a. Emma

b. Josie

c. A variation on a man’s name

You want to get married and:

a. move up at work

b. earn your parents’ approval

c. develop self-esteem

You are:

a. clumsy and awkward

b. insecure

c. clumsy, awkward, and insecure

Your plain looks and average-to-thin body bring you trouble. Your compensating quality, visible to everyone but you, is:

a. a co-worker hits on you a lot

b. you are intelligent and curious

c. you are friendly

Your obsession is:

a. your untouchable boss

b. your secretly royal co-worker

c. your secretly rich handyman

You are discouraged by:

a. his snide, shallow girlfriend

b. your critical roommate

c. your insecurity…again

He is unavailable because:

a. he is inexplicably still dating the crazy girl

b. he is emotionally secretive

c. he has secrets from his past that are actually flattering to him once you find them out

You work at:

a. a publishing house

b. a modeling agency

c. a fashion magazine

Your moment of glory shows up when:

a. he shows your manager that you are worth something in the workplace, to which your manager responds by flattering him; later he rambles off a list of weird things about you that make him love you, and then you kiss

b. you say something clumsy and awkward and then apologize profusely waiting for him to say he is not offended, causing him to ramble off a list of weird things about you that make him love you, and then you kiss

c. he sees something innocent happen and decides you don’t want to be with him so you chase him down and convince him he can have you, his dream girl, after all, and he rambles off …blah blah… and then you kiss

PLEASE TURN IN APPLICATIONS ASAP!

Accepted applicants will be portrayed by Martine McCutcheon, Sandra Bullock, or the author’s alter-ego projected onto an actress with little charisma, such as Dominique Swain or even Heather Graham. Make your dreams come true. Start today – this is that job ad that you apply to on a whim and all of a sudden you are intimidated by the fact that you are living your dreams (Chapter 2.)

Thanks,

Management

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March 20, 2009 - Posted by | Something Else |

5 Comments »

  1. Don’t forget your personal and professional references which should include at least one of the following:

    a) much plainer/fatter and yet funnier best friend who never seems to mind that it’s all about you

    b) your gay best friend who doesn’t seem to notice it’s all about you because he keeps trying to make it all about him

    c) your disapproving mother/father/sister/neighbor who helps feed your insecurities

    d) your completely awful ex who may or may not eventually beg for you to come back him, possibly inciting said innocent moment after which you have to then chase down the appropriate man of your dreams to explain things to him. Which you won’t really do, but you’ll still kiss.

    e) your doorman, the person who sells you coffee, your building manager, or someone else you have an inappropriately overly-friendly relationship with to show us how likable you are.

    Comment by TheHobo | March 20, 2009 | Reply

  2. Awesomely done! Marry me? I am secretly royal and will make you over into the princess that everyone but you knew you were!

    Comment by oneofthevoicesinmyhead | March 20, 2009 | Reply

  3. Damnit! I so wanted Meg Ryan or Cameron Diaz to play me!

    Comment by judy | March 20, 2009 | Reply

  4. That was very well done!!! Quite impressive.

    Comment by shu_shu | March 20, 2009 | Reply

  5. This is pretty much every “chick lit” book I’ve ever read. Well done!

    Comment by SeaKat | March 20, 2009 | Reply


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