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Tucker Carlson Still a Bowtie-Wearing Dick

Jon Stewart! FTW!

Two weeks ago on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart called out CNBC’s bitch ass Rick Santelli for calling the American homeowners who could no longer afford to pay their mortgages due to the subprime lending crisis a bunch of “losers,” and for screaming that he didn’t want to have to subsidize the mortgages for these losers who have, like, a second loser bathroom in their loser houses right at the corner of Main and Loser Streets.  Stewart then proceeded to essentially pants the entire network by demonstrated how relentlessly wrong CNBC’s assessment of the stability and solvency of such Wall Street giants as Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, Bank of America, and Lehman Brothers has been.

After being mentioned as one of the CNBC fuckwits who don’t know what they fuck they are talking about, Jim Cramer of CNBC, flexed his NBC muscles, and cried about it like a big fat baby on the Today Show (on NBC) and Morning Joe (on MSNBC).   Jon Stewart, after exclaiming “Don’t mess with the peacock!” made appearances on Viacom (which owns Comedy Central) television show staples Dora the Explorer (where Dora taught Jon Stewart the word “pendejo” which he would later use to describe the assclowns at CNBC) and The Hills (where Jon Stewart lounged languidly with Heidi and LC.)

The week long skirmish culminated in a contrite and apologetic Jim Cramer appearing on The Daily Show last Thursday and being repeatedly bitch slapped by an uncharacteristically serious but always brilliant Jon Stewart:

STEWART: I gotta tell you. I understand that you want to make finance entertaining, but it’s not a fucking game. When I watch that I get, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me because it says to me, “You all know.” You all know what’s going on. You can draw a straight line from those shenanigans to the stuff that was being pulled at Bear and at AIG and all this derivative market stuff that is this weird Wall Street side bet.

Listen, you knew what the banks were doing and yet were touting it for months and months. The entire network was and so now to pretend that this was some sort of crazy, once-in-a-lifetime tsunami that nobody could have seen coming is disingenuous at best and criminal at worst.

The full unedited interview with Jim Cramer can be found here, here, and here.

Now, y’all may remember that back in 2004, Jon Stewart appeared on the now defunct “debate show” Crossfire, and repeatedly bitch slapped Tucker Carlson, Paul Begala, and the entire goddamn show:

STEWART: What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery…

CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you’re accusing us of partisan hackery?

STEWART: Absolutely.

CARLSON: You’ve got to be kidding me. He comes on and you…

STEWART: You’re on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.  What is wrong with you?

CARLSON: I do think you’re more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

STEWART: You know what’s interesting, though? You’re as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

Not one to keep his pie hole shut and still still fuming over the four year-old Crossfire smackdown, Tucker Carlson went on CNN’s Reliable Sources yesterday, and whinged like a fucking baby about how Jon Stewart is such a pompous jerk and he’s not even funny anyway, and the media loves him and that’s why he’s so popular, and how dare he, that sanctimonious prick–he’s  a partisan hack, and he’s a card-carrying Obama ass kisser who only attacked Jim Cramer because Cramer criticized Obama’s budget.  (A claim which has been resoundingly deemed Utter Bullshit.)

CARLSON: No, I think Jon Stewart is dishonest. And by the way, I also think he’s a sacred cow. There’s nobody who has the huevos to attacks Jon Stewart because he’s too popular. The press sucks up to him like I’ve never seen — it’s like Oprah. Jon Stewart, all the kids watch Jon Stewart. He’s brilliant. I would like to see somebody have the stones to come out and say, Jon Stewart’s kind of a pompous jerk, actually.

ZURAWIK: But he’s not. That’s why people aren’t saying it.

CARLSON: But he is!

Look, Jon Stewart is a political player. He’s a partisan. He is speaking on behalf of the Democratic Party. And in so doing, becoming, I think — I mean, he’s smart, he’s talented, but he’s becoming so self-serious and sanctimonious, that it’s just a matter of time before it becomes unfunny.  I mean, this is the fate of all kinds of comedians. This is the fate of Lenny Bruce, and it will happen. You watch.

Hey Tucker!  How do you like them grapes?  A little sour, no?

Bitch, please.


March 16, 2009 - Posted by | Doosh Watch 2009, Politiks | , , , , , , , , ,


  1. This was entirely awesome.

    Comment by Sarah | March 17, 2009 | Reply

  2. I love me some Jon Stewart!

    Comment by rumour has it | March 18, 2009 | Reply

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