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Klum Me In

Ladies, we’re screwed!

According to Top German designer that I have never heard of, Wolfgang Joop, Heidi Klum is too big to walk the runway and has a stupid smile. “No way,” Joop told German magazine Bild. “She is no runway model! Heidi Klum is simply too heavy and has too big a bust. And she always grins so stupidly. That is not avant-garde – that is commercial!”

He’s also launched a campaign against her saying she doesn’t have what it takes to be a Top Model. And not only is he attacking Heidi, but Fashion Icon Karl Lagerfeld has also poo pooed Heidi saying “I don’t know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn’t know who she is.” Which I guess says a lot, considering Claudia Schiffer looks like hell in the face now, whereas Heidi still looks like she’s in her mid 20s. For those of you counting, Claudia is three years Heidi’s senior. Now don’t think I’m trashing Claudia, she was my favorite supermodel in the 90s, even when she had those few years of temporary insanity and dated David Copperfield, but really? To say something so condescending as “Claudia Schiffer doesn’t know who Heidi Klum is” is just ridiculous. And to think, I thought the Fashion world was finally getting a clue. How silly of me.

Ladies, I guess the only thing I can say is if Heidi is too big and has a stupid smile, then we should plan a mass suicide. I’ll write the note.

Oh, and don’t worry about France, Heidi, it has been irrelevant since 1940.


February 13, 2009 - Posted by | Celebrity Shenanigans, Culture Critic, Fashion | , , , , , , ,


  1. Joop! smells like farts, so that guy can shut his fucking face. And Lagerfeld is just pissed his fucked his hands in that atomic accident. Glove boy.

    Comment by Holychow | February 13, 2009 | Reply

  2. Funny that Claudia Schiffer doesn’t know who she is, because didn’t they get in a tizzy with each other about who was nickanmed The Body? Or was that Elle MacPherson?

    Comment by baby fish mouth | February 13, 2009 | Reply

  3. Well, fuck.

    Comment by Chelsea - PETA Protector | February 13, 2009 | Reply

  4. It’s actually true, she is too heavy. I’m a fashion insider and I can share with you that catwalks are actually constructed from pretzel sticks and tissue paper. It’s a budget thing, but that’s the real reason they parade around 11 year olds. Less mass = less need for structural support.

    Also, I’d like to note that I read this while eating eggs and bacon…and felt not one bit guilty.

    Comment by shu_shu | February 14, 2009 | Reply

  5. Don’t listen to them, they are just jealous.

    As a matter of fact, I happen to know that Wolfgang Joop asked Heidi to work with him, and she had to graciously turn him down, and now he’s pissed.

    So he got together with his two closest friends, Karl and Claudia, and said: “Heidi hurt my feelings, let’s talk mess about her-to make me feel better.”

    At lunch period, the three of them sat at their usual table, diabolically and furiously planning revenge.

    As it turns out, Claudia’s idea to simply trip Heidi as she walked by was immediately turned down.

    And now you know…the…REST OF THE STORY!


    Comment by queencrone | February 14, 2009 | Reply

  6. Frick and Frack.
    I wish I was as fat as Heidi.

    Comment by payter | February 14, 2009 | Reply

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