Thank God for Floating Black Boxes!

Amusing ad

If you need something to cleanse the last image from your mind, I think this will help.

Time Rewind

Trapper Keeper Edition

This edition is all about, The Trapper Keeper. I had a few in my time and now they are back, new and improved. The only things I hated about the Trapper Keeper were that the rings always broke and it didn’t hold very many papers. It promised it would, but much like Carlos Jackson who checked the “yes” box on my boyfriend request and checked Tara what’s her names  “yes” box too, Trapper Keeper LIED! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED! And also like the betrayal of Carlos and Tara, I handled the loss by listening to a lot of Air Supply and Journey.

Now that I think about it, I lost my shit a lot because of those damned things. The ads said they’d trap your papers,but in fact they did the very opposite of trapping–they regurgitated them. But what could I do? Much like leg warmers and Jordache, you sucked if you didn’t have one.

I still have fond memories of all my trapper keepers, though. My favorite was the one with the trippy unicorn scene. I always felt high when I would stare at it too long. I raise my jello pop and beer to you. It’s not an ideal combo, but it’s what I could find in the freezer. Cheers to you, Trapper Keeper. May you continue to screw over little kids by losing their damned homework.

Video after the jump!

Food For Thought

Choose Your Fate Edition

I love hypothetical questions. There’s nothing better than hearing what people would do if they were put in certain situations or given certain opportunities. I find these kind of questions always lead to the most entertaining and enlightening conversations. With that being said, I now ask you:

If you had to spend the rest of your life with Paris Hilton constantly at your side, would you rather set yourself on fire or leap in front of a speeding car?

Zombieland

Time to Nut Up or Shut Up

I love me some zombies, be they in film or fiction. Here is the Red Banner trailer for Woody Harrelson’s new zombie comedy. You know, the one that caused Woody to attack a real person at LaGuardia Airport because he thought the guy was a photographer zombie. It’s is restricted, however it’s mostly NSFW (not safe for work) language, but there is a scene with a zombie stripper running in slow motion with pasties on. So use your own judgment as to where and when you want to view it.

You will need to enter your birthday to view the trailer. If you forgot what it is, just enter July 4, 1776. That worked for me.

Random Drunk Emission

Evil all around us edition

Take note, dear Squeers! Evil lurks among you! I speak not of murdering bastards; I am talking about things that hurt. Have you ever banged your knee on your desk? Have you broken your toe by hitting it on the corner of the wall? These things are not coincidence; inanimate objects are conspiring against us. They lay in wait for the right moment to inflict terrible pain against us. You feel silly when you call the wall an asshole because you just broke your big toe by accidentally running into it, but you need not feel silly. The wall hears you and it laughs because it knows you never suspected its evil plan.   Heed my words: inanimate objects are assholes.  (This isn’t the first time you’ve been warned you about the dangers of asshole inanimate objects.)  Remember this next time you fall down the stairs for no reason.